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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


SylviaInCanada Report 5 Jul 2010 00:09


now I'm not lost!


jax Report 5 Jul 2010 03:07

You may have seen these but I thought some were funny

Miscellaneous - Actual Extracts From Insurance Claim Forms

1. I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary
than I thought.

2. I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet.
I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it
with a blanket.

3. Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the

A: Traveled by bus?

4. This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions
and answers on the claim form were:

Q: What warning was given by you?

A: Horn

Q: What warning was given by the other party?

A: Moo

5. I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel
and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused
me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.

6. On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly

7. I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the
pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost

8. I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.

9. I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not
have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.

10. Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other
pastimes of a hazardous nature?

A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

11. First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a
haggis ran into the rear of second car.

12. Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.

13. The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him

14. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

15. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its

16. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

17. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

18. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

19. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

20. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my
vision and I did not see the other car.

21. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

22. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the

23. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

24. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and

25. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows.


SylviaInCanada Report 5 Jul 2010 03:24



LadyKira Report 5 Jul 2010 07:30

Love it!!!


SlingerWood Report 5 Jul 2010 07:51

Morning girls

Off to Boston Norfolk today, going on a friends boat there for the day.

So keep smiling Ginny, I want plenty of sun shine.

Though for the day:

Have you ever thought: What if the ‘Hokey Kokey’ really IS what it’s all about?

Have a good day hunting

Note on a previous comment of yours:

SMILE, and the world will smile with you.



Renes Report 5 Jul 2010 07:54

Brilliant Ja..x


Cynthia Report 5 Jul 2010 09:00

Thanks J...x

Just what was needed.

Gins, I know Pete asked you to smile.........


you don't need to grin like a Cheshire cat......

you're blinding me!


LadyKira Report 5 Jul 2010 09:34

Rather relieved it is a little cooler than last Monday.

We have our home visit day again.

Please behave yourselves whilst I am gone.

See you all tonight.

Ginny I am so glad I have my sunspecs.


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 09:52

Beaming lots of sunshine for you all.....I have plumber coming to remove my wotsit and the plasterer coming on Saturday

So all I have to do is get that good for nowt brother of mine to sort the electrics out and then I can get the wardrobes fitted!

Ja..x I do like funnies!


LadyKira Report 5 Jul 2010 10:14

You have trouble with your plumbing?????????????

I suggest Lady Tena.


FannyByGaslight Report 5 Jul 2010 11:03

If the plasterer is coming Gins you better start stripping hadnt you??


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 11:28

Plaster is for bedroom at the moment and Ive stripped already....sitting room is the next job

Get this.....

Yesterday I put the old microwave (steel) on the drive as we have the scrap boys come from time and they take it away

This morning the plumber sticks the rad on the drive. 2 mins later a knock at the door....scrap man, can he take them away!

Timing to perfection..


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 11:31

And Missy Kira.......there is nowt wrong with my plumbing, I does my pelvic floor exercises!

I decided I was going to always do pelvic floor exercises after I weed myself on the bus...just after the birth of my first boy...


FannyByGaslight Report 5 Jul 2010 11:43

Plumber is getting a good eyeful then if you were stripped already...:))


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 12:23

I did have to strip the paper from behind the rad...nice floral number c1940

And I had to hoover too, mind the dust was so thick I thought at one point I might need a shovel...ewee

Dirty Gins


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 17:22

If I’m not banged up in the nick and my brothers not dead by Saturday....

....It'll be a bl##dy miracle

I have a plumber who knows what I want and can do it

I have a plasterer who knows what I want and can do it

I have a wardrobe fitter who knows what I want and can do it

I have an electrician with one brain cell short of plant life

It would have easier for me to enrol and take a 'sparks' course than it is for him to sort the socket out...grrrr

And why do my brothers think 'little sis' is thick as too short planks! Speaking of planks I could do with one to knock his head off


Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 17:24 – The largest collection of UK family history records on the Web

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Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 17:26

So I click here and then home and bingo...Im on



FannyByGaslight Report 5 Jul 2010 17:40

Get a different Elelectrician..



Gins Report 5 Jul 2010 17:53

Thank You Miss Gaslight for your ingenius suggestion....

...wheres that plank