Find Ancestors

I have just spent ages trying to find the right words to add to Nigel's thread which had been RR'd - and there it was gone :-(


I will still put my thoughts though....... :-D


I do hope that whoever RR'd the post had the courtesy to pm Nigel and explain the reasons as to why. He was, as so rightly pointed out, a new poster.


Sometimes, I am too embarrassed to send one of my messages to let people know that they have replies, because of the abruptness of tone used in those replies - it makes the boards look so unfriendly


Whilst I am well aware of the privacy issues involved, surely it is much friendlier to ask "May we ask what your connection to this person is?" or "Would you please mind telling us why you want to know........?"

:-)

It seems that Daphne's thread has disappeard for the very same reason.

I doubt she was given the opportunity to edit her thread before it was RR'd. :-( :-(

Hi Cynthia

I didn't see the post you are talking about Cynthia so can't comment on it but should the post been RR'd or have the self appointed board police struck again.

Gai :-)

I was going to say Bother, and I will still say Bother, but I sat here pressing my back button and got back to the deleted thread.
Perhaps that worked for me because I had posted on it, not just looked?
So I have sent a message to Nigel offering apologies etc etc. Obviously I do not write as well as Cynthia, but I have tried.
I suggested that he reposts on the Living Relatives board without specifying certain information.
He was looking for Daphne Wallis born about 1931, he thought in the East End, but no births there showing.
I think in a discussion a few weeks ago someone admitted that if they believed the T's and C's were ignored they would have no qualms in rr'ing, and could see no reason why they should pm the poster. Poster was wrong, they rr, end of story.
Bastards.
Cynthia,
Daphne Wallis, 1931, is in Nigel's tree on here, so you can still send him a message - you do them so much more eloquently than I can manage.

Cyn,

I can but agree with you.

The tone of some responses to posts I see leave a great deal to be desired and can indeed deter people from using the message boards for fear of being vilified or ridiculed. Whether the writers of those responses lack empathy, basic manners or a good command of language is often difficult to determine. It may of course be a combination of all three.

We are all human and as such we are all prone to making mistakes. The way most of us learn not to make the same mistake again is for someone to point out our mistake, to tell us what we did wrong and then to tell us how to do it correctly. That is to educate which should be done through encouragement not by bullying.

A simple test when considering making a response is before making it ask yourself whether you would be happy or upset if someone said that to you in that manner. If the answer is "Upset" then modify your response until the answer is "Happy".

Ooops......... i got that wrong.

I thought it was a thread posted by Daphne that had also disappeard but it was Nigels thread enquiring about Daphne.

I literally sit here cringing with embarrassment sometimes when i read some of the replies that are posted to members on here. Particularly to new/newish members.

I often PM new members when i see they have not returned to a thread. And quite often, they feel so intimidated by the response they have received that it puts them off from posting again.

Just plain rude and patronising in my opinion.

Someone did suggest that GR employ a moderator..........but why would GR employ a moderator when there is someone who has taken on that roll for free!!

There's a thread (actually she double posted) on Suggestions from a lady who says she is 83 asking for help to trace her ancestors.

http://www.genesreunited.co.uk/boards/board/suggestions/thread/1320937

A number of views but no replies. It only needs one person to go in there and 'tell her off' about being on the wrong board or RR for the same reason, and she'll probably run a mile.

Like others, I do wish that whoever RR's a post has the courtesy to PM the poster and give them time to edit. We don't all live in the same time zone, or sit at our computers for hours on end!

I do so agree about the tone of some posters. On one thread, the poster was told that he had no chance of finding anything as the person he was searching for was the mother of an adopted illegitimate child. Well, with some help (and going down a few wrong tracks), the poster found the correct family and an 83 year old lady was reunited with cousins and spoke for the first time in her life to a blood relative.

Perhaps, if somebody doesn't think they can help a poster, they should just keep quiet.

Cripes Patchem...................that language is not like you

I know I can sometimes be a bit sharp with posters who should know better (and who have been given the pack drill umpteen times previously) but I always try to remember to say "welcome to the boards" when it's someone's first post and usually address them by name with a Hi or Hello when asking for further info.

I'd put a cross reference to that Ayres thread but removed it as people found their way to it.

You are always helpful MC, cant say Ive ever seen anything to the contrary

I have seen some rather blunt comments from time to time, however, its the sarci ones that get my goat

PH......move up please and I'll join you on the cringing bench - it's probably getting a bit full now.

Gai... I presume it was the board police.

Patchem....there's nothing wrong with your eloquence.

Jonesey - you sure know how to charm a girl - of riper years!

DET saw the post by the 83 year old lady and thought exactly the same. I was actually prepared to go in 'all guns blazing' if anyone said so much as a cross word to her.

Potty.....I like your point. If people can't help, then they should just move on.

MC.....don't talk daft ......you are the epitomy of friendliness and politeness on the boards. I often admire the way you cope with new posters and their foibles.


Hey ho......here's to happy, polite and friendly boards.... :-D :-D

Hu.........see I dont get a mention :-P

Well Gins, I'm mentioning you now!! :-D

Gins,
I stopped swearing once I had children as I could not tell them off for doing something that I did.
The youngest is now 22 so as long as they do not read the boards I should be OK.

Thank you MC, at least you noticed me :-D

Patchem, I think I started swearing when I had children! Not in front of them though

:-)

Gins. Gins. Gins. Gins. Gins.


Is that okay? Silly plank. ;-)

I come one these boards once in a while, not as much as many of you, and have done for quite a few years now.

I have often been just on the point of piling in and saying 'do you have to say these things in such a rude and aggressive manner' and have always stopped for fear of shooting myself in the foot for help in the future

It kind of amounts to internet bullying doesn't it?

No one actually has to help on these boards, they do it for fun, so why get quite so nasty about it all, if they don't like what people post or the way they post it, then don't help

anyway maybe I will pile in next time :-D

I couldn't agree MORE!

I have often thought that the tone and abruptness of certain replies is totally uncalled for, and off-putting.
If that is their attitude, why reply at all?

I must admit, I have been very hesitant to ask for help at times because of these peoples abrupt tones, but I have had some great responses from the majority of members, and I thank them wholeheartedly.

Christine.