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Why do some people appear ungrateful ?

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Jill 2011 (aka Warrior Princess of Cilla!)

Jill 2011 (aka Warrior Princess of Cilla!) Report 8 Mar 2009 15:06

Good thread this one.

I'm happy to help where possible no worries.

However, I don't like someone sending me a pm with "He was born in Walsall" as the whole message or other vague snippets. I must admit I now just ignore those.

And whilst I'm happy with a simple thank you on the thread there is absolutely nothing wrong with the occasional excited gushing stream of thanks - I can feel the excitement and that's lovely!



AnnCardiff Report 8 Mar 2009 16:20

oh Frank - what a lovely reply - and me from Wales - in the US everyone thinks Wales is part of England - "Do you have roads?" was something I was asked when in the States!!!!


Cynthia Report 8 Mar 2009 18:00

I'm still convinced that if GR sent emails alerting folk to replies received, it would help to solve a lot of probs.

Mind you, it wouldn't help those who think that the people who do look ups are mind readers!!!


SylviaInCanada Report 8 Mar 2009 20:29

I don't want effusive thanks

........... but like so many others, it would be nice to know that whoever has actually seen the information I've posted! Especially if they delete it!

For Emma ............. every generation blames the younger generation for whatever, but I agree with Ann of GG .......... age (or lack of it) has nothing to do with lack of manners. I get pushed out of the way much more often by oldsters than I do youngsters ......... and I'm also an OAP. Over here at least, many oldsters seem to think that their age means that they have "rights" and no need to be courteous.

Like Shirley, I get almost as much kick out of finding someone else's missing or hiding ancestor as I do finding my own.

Regarding lack of information ........ have any of you read that full posting of a certain thread that I posted on p. 3 early this morning?

I don't know that GR necessarily has to send email messages to everyone to say there have been responses to a thread ............ but they do have to clean up their act in other ways

Just a simple explanation of how these boards work, how to find threads that you have started or posted on, that you are NOT notified of responses, etc

Incidentally, I was quite a novice on the internet when I first started using GR back in 2003 ................... I never even thought that anyone would tell me there had been a response, I automatically assumed that I had to come back and search on here.

Took me some time to find My Threads though!!



SylviaInCanada Report 8 Mar 2009 20:36


These boards often move very fast, especially at peak periods, and a thread may soon slip down and onto the next page and further.

May I suggest that the next time you start a thread, instead of deleting it, you add a little "nudge" to bring it back upto the front again.

All you have to do is post something like "can anyone help" or "bringing this up for the night shift" or even "n"

I live in Canada, and don't come on here until about this time, then I'm on (and off) until about 5 or 6 am UK time. Similarly, there are people living in Australia or NZ, as well as Canada and the US, who are also night shift.

In fact, there are people on here 24 hours of the day!

By the time we come on there might have been 4 or 5 or more pages of action since the last time ............ I know that I only search back 2 or maybe 3 pages.

One of us might have the answer that you are looking for, or know where to send you to get it!



AuntySherlock Report 8 Mar 2009 20:49

Hi Sylvia, Thanks for that. I have dabbled, very briefly, with the nudge facility. And deleted it thinking I was being too presumptuous. As you may have guessed I too am out of whack with the rest of the planet . In Australia. Depends on how late I post my questions whether or not I can stay awake to see any replies, or do the sensible thing and look in the morning. I actually prefer to use the History board, less traffic there. Val


Ozibird Report 8 Mar 2009 20:57

Keep it there, Val, & nudge it. No query is too presumptuous. You'll usually get an answer eventually.

I'm from Aussie too.

As for please & thank you. I enjoy finding other people's family, but I like manners as well. People who can't be bothered with manners, I can't be bothered with. There's plenty of look-ups on the boards from people with manners to keep me busy.



FannyByGaslight Report 8 Mar 2009 21:21

i really enjoy finding info for people and dont really mind if they thanks or not,although it is nice when they do
the ones that annoy me are the ones that reply to someone elses question on the thread and totally ignore the info that i have already put on,
3 days ago i found two census returns for someone and they only spoke to the other person who asked a question after
so i left it a couple of hours and then took great delight in deleting the two census returns.
petty and infantile ,,true,,but then little things etc

:) still smiling :)

:) still smiling :) Report 8 Mar 2009 21:34

I am so pleased that people on here have pointed out it is not just the younger generation that are rude. I am in my early 20's and consider myself very polite; i always say please and thank you, i hold open doors for everyone and i happily give up my seat on the bus/train regularly for anyone who needs it more than i do.

I inturn get very annoyed when i watch an elderly or heavily pregnant person walk from the front of the bus to the back (where i am sitting) with no-one giving up their seat, whether they be a school child or a person in their 40's. I often make a point of getting up and saying loudly, "would you like a seat"

i completely agree that it is frustrating to not receive thanks and i think as has been pointed out before many may not realise they even have a reply, while others just get caught up in the excitement of an answer. I know i have also done this a few times when first starting out. i now regularly check my threads and always acknowledge every reply.

Leanne. :)


SylviaInCanada Report 9 Mar 2009 01:19


yoou're very welocm

I've never actually doen much over on History ................. I'm usually on Records, Tips, TTF and Surnames!

I'll look out for you ... it's often nice to have a chat in the middle of the UK night when traffic is quieter on here!

Hi ozi~~~~


Claire in Lincs

Claire in Lincs Report 9 Mar 2009 04:49

Who are you talking to Annabel?


nameslessone Report 9 Mar 2009 09:13


No one should send nasty messages, however cross they maybe. I used to be quite happy to use my own name but felt obliged to go anonymous after what I felt to be a threatening outburst.

I've read your Gilralter thread and all replies to you have been deleted, having read some of the other 'overnights' it seems to be becoming the norm.

We should be encouraging and teaching each other how to find what we are seeking not sending one scurrying away in fright.


InspectorGreenPen Report 9 Mar 2009 11:27


A simple thanks does it for me. I can't have chocolates and am alergic to flowers.....!


AnnCardiff Report 9 Mar 2009 12:40

I find it very hard to believe Sylvia was rude to you - I have never ever seen her be anything other than helpful to people on here

correction - is it Sylvia you are referring to or someone else - sorry if I misunderstood

and just to add, if anyone has anything contentious to say they should put it on the board for everyone to see - very sneaky sending personal messages which are unpleasant and says a lot about the sender really


AnnCardiff Report 9 Mar 2009 14:11

thanks - thought no way could it be Sylvia!!!!!


ElizabethK Report 9 Mar 2009 14:43

For me it is not so much the "thanks" but to know that my effort has been helpful or not

On the 27the Feb a "Robert" put up a thread for information and he had replies from me/Anne of G.G/Christine in Portugal/Brenda +

There has been no response on the thread so I pmed him on Friday last-still nothing

Is it worth it I ask myself !

I wonder if he is the Robert who has a thread on TTF saying "thanks" because his message is not coming through !


Cynthia Report 9 Mar 2009 15:16

I can only help a little, but if I've tried and there hasn't been a response on the boards, I occasionally send a friendly pm to let them know that the info is there. 9 times out of 10 they are so grateful because they have been struggling to use the boards. If they don't reply, I give a metophorical 'shrug' remembering that it's their loss, and press on to someone else. No probs.


Heather Report 9 Mar 2009 17:47

I often think there are levels of researchers.

Some of us whip though the first few years and then struggle on for decades trying to find the elusive ancestor who has appeared from nowhere - others seemed to think not knowing their grans name was is a major brick wall but accept advice and realise its not.

There are those who learn and progress and want to do their own research and Ive been amazed in the last 6 years how brilliantly some newbies developed until they are far more knowledgeable than a lot of us, including me (which isnt difficult :)). One lady who came on as a really struggling newbie, has travelled the country searching her roots and in fact produced a booklet on it for all her family to enjoy.

Then there are those who never get further than a couple of generations because it is too much effort. I always remember that classic hot match I had - I rushed to contact the chap as my maternal line has a very unusual name and only a small number now remain. The bloke told me he got it all from a site on line - oh dear, my site. I then pointed out his direct ancestor, on whom he had based all this tree was in fact NOT the girl in my tree as it would mean she married as a baby. I found and gave him the marriage ref for HIS direct ancestor but was gobsmacked when he replied he "had better things to spend £7 on"

I should think those who dont bother to thank people are in that category because in truth, they arent really bothered about their ancestry. Its just a passing whim.


SylviaInCanada Report 9 Mar 2009 19:13


thank you for that reference!!

No it was not me, I never even posted on Annabel's thread.

I did start to post a message last night asking who she was referring to (that would have appeared before Claire's message), but decided not to proceed with it.

I HAVE just been taken to task on a thread (by a Robert!! and others) for being "official" in saying GR T&Cs don't allow multiple posting of the same thread. Reference was made to the board police, and "oldtimers" who think it is their responsibility to moderate the boards

Island ............ I don't think anyone is asking for chocolates and flowers .

................................. rather the acknowledgement that the information you've found is useful and welcomed.

I've seen so many people make absolutely no comment on the information provided, just post "Find John Q Smith".

Now that name may or may not have appeared in one of the pieces of information provided, but why not say something like "Thank you for the information. I'm curious about John Q Smith. Can you or anyone find him"

That's what I mean when I say I like acknowledgement, or thanks.



LizRees Report 9 Mar 2009 19:28

Now I am guilty of not thanking people for their advice about using the Reply and Add buttons.

This thread has moved on so fast and I wasn't able to check for replies until now.

But thank you everyone for clarifying that the 'Reply' button is the one to use. I thought I was going mad.

I agree with all the comments about GR not providing enough basic info on how to use the site. I trawled through every possible piece of 'Help' they have put on here, to no avail. I guess they are depending on the wonderful GR Community to come to their rescue.

I've said this before ... it never ceases to amaze me how kind and helpful the majority of people are in this community.
Thanks again