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Why do some people appear ungrateful ?

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


SylviaInCanada Report 9 Mar 2009 20:11


Thank you!!



DIPPY D Report 9 Mar 2009 20:43

when i went to ireland i had agreed to luck for some ancestors for three different people...

one i got the full birth cert for .it was for a friend of a friend she sent me a lovely card with a cheque for seven pounds and said the lady was really greatfull... i still have the card..

the other two i got the little ones still had all the revalant info on emailed both and got no reply ... i had to pay for them only 4 euro each but there was 4 and the time it took to look threw the record books and if anyone has been to ireland you know you have to pay for this as well...

but on the other side i posted a request for help i put everything i new names and so forth and said i had this info so all i needed was some help on the information i didnt have and what did i recieve 17 messages all about the info i already had ,,,, if people want to help i think they should read the request,s for help properly......


p.s i,v also gone to a cemetry in belgium to take photo,s for young lady for her mum and didnt charge her for the pics ... she did send me a lovely email thanking me and to say the look on her mums face when she looked at the pictures was priceless,,,


ElizabethK Report 9 Mar 2009 21:30

My post today of 14.43 !

"Robert" has replied to my pm !

Changed from AOL to TalkTalk and lost his tree in the process-all well now !


Golfman Report 10 Mar 2009 03:08


Not wanting to misquote, you said

"I HAVE just been taken to task on a thread (by a Robert!! and others) for being "official" in saying GR T&Cs don't allow multiple posting of the same thread. Reference was made to the board police, and "oldtimers" who think it is their responsibility to moderate the boards"

It is so easy to use others comments out of context. The word "oldtimers" was not used. What was actually said:

"The point being made was that it is not for a select few who believe, due to their long standing and experience to tell others how they should conduct themselves on the forum"
"There nothing wrong though with providing helpful advice."
"Gotta be better than sending a new member scurrying for cover when they get something wrong"

As for the forum police, what was actually said in response to someone new who felt he got a roasting for double posting was:

"No need to apologise because you fell foul of the forum police"
It is customary not to post a thread in more than one board and if your new then threse things happen until you get the hang of it."

I do think however, that its questionable that someone can pull another member up for breaching the T & C's when this thread started of as being well off topic. Certainly was not a Tip but more of a moan. General Topics or Chat may have been the proper place.

As to the question of this thread. Everyones got there own views.
I personally think that a gracious, not over the top thank you should be sufficient.

"Thank you so much for your time, I am most grateful you have found....., Thanks again, much appreciated all sounds a bit OTT. But everyone to their own.

I do get concerned when others in putting their arguement say that it is the VOLUNTEERS that run this site. It gives the implication that those of us that do not have the time to give as much as some are viewed upon in a lesser light.
As someone commented on another thread, I always thought that it was Genes Reunited that run the site and that no matter how long someone has been a member all hold the same stature and membership rights.
However, it does not always come across that way in the forums.

I think Linda on 7th March 21:10 and Emma 8 March 12.22 probably got the balance right in expressing their views on this subject.


Grumpy Report 10 Mar 2009 11:49

as my old boss would say "the customer is always right" no matter how wrong he is it is up to us to steer him in the right direction gently without him knowing it but he is always the customer?
lets be friends one and all. who's for a cup of tea sun is shining.................?
my psychiatrist says i should count to ten?


SylviaInCanada Report 10 Mar 2009 17:46


never heard of paraphrasing?

I use "oldtimers" instead of "due to their long standing and experience"

it means the same thing!

as a former editor, I know that such paraphrasing is perfectly acceptable, as long as the meaning of the original is not lost ... and I do not believe that it was.

however ..... I am duly admonished by you, and

it seems that my experience and help is not required by such as you .... so I assure you that I will keep away from any of your postings..


°o.OOº°‘¨Claire in Wales¨‘°ºOO.o°

°o.OOº°‘¨Claire in Wales¨‘°ºOO.o° Report 10 Mar 2009 18:04

There are many people on here, including me, who have stopped helping. There are days when I can regret that decision but they are few are far between as there are just too many people only too quick to pull the helpers to pieces.

Who do you think is going to tell our Newbies how to use the boards? GR have set down guidlines but like the proverbial horse, you can lead them to water but you can't make them drink.

Note & "thanks" was all I ever expected not chapter & verse.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 10 Mar 2009 19:22

Can I just say...since taking an Ancestry sub out in January I have tried to do a few look ups for people to make up for those done for me in the last few years and /or come up with advice if I can ... in all cases I have been thanked, some briefly and some , which I especially appreciate, telling me how they have got on /are getting on with their search (always nice to hear the 'end' of a story lol) .

Heather who has posted below, gave me some invaluable help when I first started and I used it and other's tips on here to do as much research as I could myself, which is a lot of the fun of it lol...but I always feel able to ask for help if I am stuck and hope that others, newbies especially, feel the same.

I think nearly everyone here is aware that sometimes people's writing style can come across a bit brusque... but being succinct can actually give them more time to help!

GR it has to be said may own the site and provide hot matches and search , but in my experience it is the voluntary help from members that really makes the site.

Many thanks to all whose brains I have picked!

Rose x


Clitheroelass Report 10 Mar 2009 22:23

Here Here !!!!!!!!!! i agree and get even more mader when they say i already have that info i want to know this , well why dont they say that in the firast place what they do have and what they would like to find out. just a very simple please or thankyou will do just some kind of acknowledgement Please

see its so easy



SylviaInCanada Report 11 Mar 2009 00:53

Now this made me mad today

part of a very long heading


Allegedly he went to America because he was selling horse meat for human consumption (not allowed back in the 1940's)

Allegedly this made the newspapers back then.

Two of us posted that sale and consumption of horse meat was not illegal in the UK up to at least the 1960s, and that he was therefore unlikely to have escaped to the US for that reason.

This was the response a little while ago

Thanks everyone for your input. I personally haven't a clue about horse meat.
If you care to notice I have use the word ALLEGEDLY many many times in my posting.
I am really not interested on whether it's legal or illigal to sell horse meat in the UK today or 100 years ago.
I have asked questions in my posting that I had hoped some people may be able to answer.
Many thanks to everyone who assisted.
I am still looking for answers




FannyByGaslight Report 11 Mar 2009 01:03

i saw that post
and thought back to trying it in france some years ago
bit too stringy for me,
but i do like them alive as ive ridden since the age of 6.
but it did make me chuckle,sorry sylvia

oh ,and a lot of the horse meat in france came from here


SylviaInCanada Report 11 Mar 2009 01:38

Hi Viv

my mum was a whizz at horsemeat casseroles/stews during and just after the war. Long cooking meant tender meat!



Libby22 Report 11 Mar 2009 01:38

I was helping someone on another site and to take them where they wanted to be, I foolishly spent £1 in credits on the 1911 site. I had credits left - and thought if I can help this person, who was struggling to find their ancestry - then it would be worth it. I sent the details via a personal message (didn't want the whole world requesting 1911 lookups) I explained the lookup cost £1 - hence my reason for pm'ing. You've guessed!!!!!!! I didn't even receive a reply.


SylviaInCanada Report 11 Mar 2009 02:08

shakes head

but I can quite believe it!!



Libby22 Report 11 Mar 2009 02:22

Something I saw on another site.

"wife of james william govey islington"

i want to know the name of the wife/wives of the above.

And that was it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No timeframe, or other information.


SylviaInCanada Report 11 Mar 2009 02:27

didn't you know

we're magicians

we can pull the rabbit out of the top hat!



nameslessone Report 11 Mar 2009 09:38

Surely a writer is trying to paint a picture in our minds and and editor should ensure that any changes to wordings create the same picture.

""I use "oldtimers" instead of "due to their long standing and experience"

it means the same thing!""

Ask Emma in five years when she has had a bit more experience whether the picture is the same.

In the context of these Boards the two quotes do not have the same 'mind picture' in mine.

Teddys Girl

Teddys Girl Report 11 Mar 2009 11:34

Thing that annoys me, is when you send a load of information, by post,especially if you are the one who has subscribed to such as Ancestry and you dont hear if they have got it.

You e mail and do not hear anything, then you phone, and the answer is, I was going to let you know but have been too busy.

Well we were not too busy to help them, so why not at least let you know they have got what you sent.



Cynthia Report 11 Mar 2009 13:50

I have to be honest and say that whilst I have been so grateful when someone has helped me on here, I am quite restrained in my gratitude simply because I don't feel the person who has helped me is THAT interested in my story.

However, last year I was helped by several kind folk on here regarding a relative who was a Home Child, something I had never heard of before.
They may be interested to know that I have now, after and 11 month wait, received info from the NCH regarding the sad story and the saga continues.

See, I didn't think anyone would be particularly interested!!!!


Potty Report 11 Mar 2009 14:12

That's good news, Cynthia. I am sure that if you had posted that on your original thread, those who helped you would have been very glad that their help had helped you, although they may not have posted a reply - I probably wouldn't have, but would have been very pleased if I had pointed you in the right direction.