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Why do some people appear ungrateful ?

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Cynthia Report 11 Mar 2009 14:44

Potty - I have resurrected one of my old threads (I deleted quite a few) and it is now on records with thanks to all concerned!


Sandra Report 11 Mar 2009 18:47

hi guys you do a great job and let me just say maybe like me im new to this and didnt realise that you were volunteers andit was your own money.
i know that i got some info from one of you,and gotso excited cos i actually got somewhere i myself forgot to say thank you . i apologise most sincerely and hope you forgive this idiot . keep up the good work



FRANK06 Report 11 Mar 2009 22:00

Hey Vivienne,

I`m French born ( French dad, Scottish mum, stayed in Scotland most of my life ) but when in France we often had horse, frogs legs, snails, oh and Sylvia we had loads of rabbits on my gran`s farm :)))
Delicious...........I`ll eat anything.


With the utmost respect, I would think that given the size of this thread, a lot of people have had their twopenethworth and I feel the original post ( not a Tip but more of a moan ) was in the correct board. Anyone reading this would be able to see both sides of the arguement / rant / moan and as such should it not be considered a tip?
I never look at anything other than records,tips, trying to find and wonder if the post would have been picked up to a similar degree on chat or general topics.
As far as volunteers are concerned I do a little and feel quite happy if I can help.
Some do a lot more and some get a buzzzz out of it..
Some merely peruse the boards and pick up tips on the way but I am sure no one would consider themselves better / faster / more understanding etc.
There would certainly appear to be a healthy rivalry on the boards where some posts are answered almost simultaneously. If you happen to be seventh in line, it doesn`t render the information irrelevant.
Genes Reunited may run the site but whats the point if no one answers the posts..............or am I missing something?
Sorry about the food intro but there isn`t a cookery board :))
Happy days!


Golfman Report 12 Mar 2009 02:35


""I use "oldtimers" instead of "due to their long standing and experience"

it means the same thing!""

Entirely agree. But also means 'old man' I did not want people to get the impression that I was disriminating over age, especially given some of the earlier heated debate within this thread.

Frank 06

The size of a thread should not be a benchmark as to what area it should sit in and I don't think the area a thread sits in should be determined by what board(s) a member chooses to follow.
No, I do not agree that this thread should be considered a Tip. Yes there are some within it but these are few and far between.
Personally I'm not bothered where it sits. When I wrote that I was just being naughty and highlighting that when people break the rules and are told so by others those others should remember the old saying 'If you live in a glasshouse don't throw stones'

Your dead right. Genes run the site. I see the threads about what Genes should and should not do. It is apparent from what is being said that Genes have decided how they will run the site often against the wishes of the members. So we have a choice, stay and accept the Genes way or move on.


Emma Report 12 Mar 2009 14:38

I have just read back and noticed a couple of remarks aimed my way :)
In reply:

I do agree that vague descriptions from people wanting help can be rather irritating to people who spend hours everyday helping people on this site, but the vast majority of posters who leave messages without specific areas or dates to go on are new to the site, often cannot find their way back to the thread and ammend it or add more detail, and are not sure what they should be adding. If it bothered me enough to leave 'tongue-in-cheek' or sarcastic comments about the information I would ignore the post, and go onto the next. Some of the comments I have seen left on peoples posts who don't leave too much information are disgraceful, members who are familiar with the site stroll into the thread and all have a laugh at the posters expense, they should be ashamed. Everyone is new to the site at some stage.

I can see how some people do blame other generations for faults, but I wouldn't say I am one of those people. I blame whoever is at fault, not a whole generation of people. I do not discriminate on any basis, but each to their own. I just prefer not having to read threads aimed at how terrible the youth of today is, when there is no age band on people who make life difficult for others for whatever reasons.

I noticed a comment directed at another poster, telling them to ask me in 5 years after I have had some experience where I stand, to that poster I would like to ask what experience they would like me to have obtained by then, and why they assume my outlook will have changed?



nameslessone Report 12 Mar 2009 17:33

Apologies to Emma.

I was assuming that someone of your age, possibly ( repeat Possibly) with less experience of researching family history than many others on here would not like to be referred to as an 'Old timer' for many many years to come. No offence was intended to you as I appreciate and agree with what you have posted on this board. I was trying to point out that the orignal phrase worked better on here because of the huge range of ages.

Again apologies.

PS - I did say 'more' not just 'some'.


Emma Report 12 Mar 2009 19:15


Although you have now decided your comment was a 'possibility' I still do not understand where the thought 'Younger than me, so must not be as experienced as me in family history research' stems from. To set the record straight I have been able to find alot of family I never knew I had, and have been able to find them myself and verify them myself. I have been able to research my family history to the year dot using a whole manner of different types of research techniques and records. I am a full member to various genealogy sites and use my subscriptions and experience to help others. I still need help with things, but more second opinions and searches for things I seem to keep missing....the same as majority of people on this site. Although I accept that your comment was a 'possibility', I am proud to have set your straight on MY abilities in regards to this particular fields, you have a very negative outlook on younger people, and you should give the benefit of a doubt, that younger people can know as much as, and be as capable of yourself.

As for being referred to as an 'old timer', it doesn't bother me in the slightest as it is very rich in irony as I am one of the youngest people on these forums :) although I do not think the context which started the debate should have been used, as usually 'old timer' is a negative view of people of pensionable age. So I do prefer the original context, as 'old timer' did make it look like it was aimed as an insult or from a more hostile approach.

I accept your apologies but hope you do consider that age means nothing, and what you may percieve as 'age-typical' behaviour or intelligence might not be factual.

Alan, I have volunteered a number of times on this site, both answering threads and starting my own to offer help to people using my subscriptions as it can be so costly. I have had a couple of times were people have not thanked me, but I do not mind, they probably got busy and forgot to get back to me. I carry on regardless as I enjoy helping others, the 'thanks' I do recieve make up tenfold for the ones I don't get :)
If you want to help others, carry on, ignore the people who don't thank or get back to you, and focus on those who's days and years will be made with your findings!



nameslessone Report 12 Mar 2009 20:08

Exactly - 'Old timer' was incorrect.
I never said I had more experience than you, but you did give us your age and there are several people on here than give the impression that they are better than the rest of us because they have been doing this for such a long time. So I'm sorry if using your name because of your given age upset you. I was just trying to put over the idea that 'Old timer' was wrong and if I gave the impression that I was denigrating younger people it was a mistake.
The only people I have a problem with are those 'laying down the law' and those not able to take criticisim or other opinions.

Your one of the people i am happy to read and as i said agree with.


Emma Report 12 Mar 2009 21:47

Thanks for explaining to me exactly what you meant, I apologuise if you feel I attacked you, I agree with what you have said.

Alan, not a problem :)



pnp Report 12 Mar 2009 21:48

Hello all :)

I am always Greatful and excited with each bit of information I get. (its like giving a kid red cordial).
Each time I get alittle more info that I struggled to find on my own (that does not mean that I haven't looked (I still cannot get the haang of these computer thingys).



Carol Report 12 Mar 2009 22:14

Hi Everyone
I have just been reading the posting on here and I cannot understand people that do not appreciate the help that people give them, when I started my tree I only had my grandmothers name and maiden name and my grandfathers name I am gradually getting information on the females side .. but none the less I didn't get the help from this board as I didn't know it was here, but msn group that helped me even a much appreciated or thank you didn't seem to be enough for me to express the thanks for the help that they gave me... So all you researchers out there you do a great job, and I bet there would not be as many trees on this site if not for you .... Best Wishes to you all Carol


nameslessone Report 13 Mar 2009 07:58

Cheers Emma.


Heather Report 13 Mar 2009 08:26

I have had a lot of help from the community and I always say thank you; how I say it depends upon the help I've had. Some of it has been way beyond my imagination. However, when I post a thread I sometimes simpky ask for advice on how to proceed. I have no idea that anyone should do the work for me. So it's a bit of give & take I think.
I also try to help others when I can. Can I suggest 'chain favours'? That might take some of the sting out of 'ungrateful' folk.


Madmeg Report 13 Mar 2009 22:57

Hi all

I don't disagree with what anyone says about giving thanks, but I wonder if this is the British way of life coming out in us (e.g. like queuing?). We are so polite.

I think it depends. If a person asks a question and two or three people reply, then thanks is obviously appropriate to those individuals. But if 20 people reply, it does get a bit difficult to know what to do. Do you reply to each one thanking them for their part? Or reply to everyone en-masse (which I often do).

Sometimes people are just adding comments, and whilst they are useful do they really require a "thank you"?

Some people provide copious amounts of useful information, and they obviously deserve a personal thanks. Others provide only a little, and whilst that might have involved a lot of hard work, they probably did it cos they enjoy doing it (that is me!). And that is especially true if they have spent money on helping you. Their choice.

Imagine the Tips Board is taking place down in the pub. You say "I'm having a real problem with a colleague at work who won't let me......". One buddy says "Have you thought about......", and another says "Well, I would smash him in the teeth", and another says "I would ask him......". You don't thank each one individually for their support, and in fact, you might not thank any of them at all, cos they know you will do the same for them if they need help.

I personally feel that these boards are like talking with friends. You don't have to be thanking them all the time - its what friends do. Most people are willing to do similar in return. Some are not, but they might do in the future. Some personal friends don't do a lot for you, but they are a good laugh so you stick with them.

I just wonder if we over-do this need to thank everyone for everything? Can I please give a blanket "thank you" to anyone who has ever helped me, and will do so in the future, and say that I will do the same for you, whether you have helped me in the past or not?

You are all going to shout at me now!




SylviaInCanada Report 14 Mar 2009 00:34


I'm not going to shout at you!!

In my mind ....... a simple blanket "Thank you all" is perfectly acceptable

it's simply the acknowledgment that you have seen the thread and the work that has been done, and that you have taken on board what has been posted.

By the way

..................... Canadians are far more polite than the Brits. We even say sorry to someone who walks into us or steps on our toe! After all, it's my fault that he walked into me, or put my foot just where he was about to put his!

That's perfectly true ........... and after 40 years over here, I find myself doing it automatically!



Libby22 Report 14 Mar 2009 01:39

It seems most of us are in agreeance. Good manners are important on these boards - afterall, we are unable to read expressions, therefore the only way to tell if someone is pleased with info found for them, is by their thanks. It's not that lookers-up NEED their ego's stimulated - more they are interested to know whether the info provided has been useful, or not. I, personally, find it unacceptable that members requesting help - are given it, sometimes after hours of looking - and then don't come back to the thread and acknowledge it. That's all.

Margaret, I'm not going to shout at you either, I agree with what you've written.

To all who've expressed they are grateful for look-ups etc. Many thanks for your comments - you make up for the few who just want to take.