Genealogy Chat

....shown by a small number of people coming onto this forum and being pompous or argumentative towards those of us who keep an eye on various threads to answer queries or locate information.

I see this happening more and more which is why I feel the need this evening to post this thread. For example, just this weekend gone and several weekends ago, a number of GR members endured personal insults and abusive comments that were wholly undeserved.

The more experienced of us on here have a lot to offer to get those less experienced much further with their tree but if we all get fed up of the responses we get, you will be on your own. A lot of the 'older' names on here are no longer seen when it comes to being available to help for this very reason.

I am sorry, but I see the ungrateful replies and I know if I look at the number of posts made by that person it will be very few. And it doesn't matter how many years someone has been a member for either. It is obvious by the nature of the question that the poster is inexperience and looking for the knowledge of others to solve their problem.

So please, before you decide to critisise or object to our replies in some way, remember this about those you seem to think so little of.

We are not employed by GR
We are members of GR
We pay our subs too.
We get no concessions on them for helping out here
We are doing our own tree too
We help others when we could be doing our own tree
We offer you the benefit of information from other sites that we also pay subs to
We have our own lives.
We have jobs, committments, our own families, health issues, other issues
We DO NOT have to help others but because we have been helped oureselves, in this way we return the favour and pass on our knowledge
We DO NOT expect an outpouring of gratitude but a thank you is always welcome
We DO appreciate that the information you have maybe sketchy or speculative or based upon some old family legend
We ENJOY a challenge but what you do give us to work with should be at least reasonably accurate
We CANNOT work miracles if the information isn't there to be found
We DO NOT offer to do your tree for you
We DO NOT need to be insulted
We will choose NOT to help you in future

So if you don't like the us or the replies you get, you are welcome to try another genealogy site and see if you find others so eager to help you. This will leave us more time for those people who actually value the help we give.

Thanks

Just Jill

Well said. Unfortunately, the people it is aimed at probably won't read it.

Hi Andysmum

I know (big sigh). But I couldn't not say it any longer.

Too many good people this week have wondered why they bother.

RR

Well said too.

J

As Andysmum as said it probably will not be seen by the people it is aimed at but yes what you have said is very true.

I had someone say to me once "We have paid our money and we expect more" well that was like showing a red rag to a bull was'nt it :-D

Hi Jax.

If I showed you a red rag, I'd have to run like heck :-D

Ditto ;-)

Totally agree as well

And Jill, it is good to let off steam occasionally :-D :-D

Courtesy costs nothing but means a great deal to those that try to help.

Jeremy

.. and we reserve the right to have a smile and banter whilst we are doing the research ;-)

Well said Jill

Yes we do MC. And we don't need to be told off for doing it do we? Especially when we are actually waiting to help someone out.

:-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P

To grow old is inevitable. To grow up is not

:-D

Well said Jill,

well said Jill.


The last couple of weeks have been particularly bad.



Unfortunately, as others have said .............. those who really need to read this, will not read it!




but .................





thank you!





sylvia

I also agree with all the above comments. You ladies all work incredibly hard to help others, and it was totally out of order how RR was treated.

Carol

Morning All,

You are right Carol. How RR was treated was really out of order. What you might not have realised is that the threads that were the cause of all the nastiness at the weekend were removed over a couple of days, presumably by the original poster. However, those of us around at the weekend will definitely remember the identity of the poster(s) and the names we were demanded to provide information on. And if we forget either of those, then the style of the request will surely jog our memory.

This week some of us were working on a thread to help someone (inexperienced researcher) and whilst we were waiting for the poster to come back with information to clarify confusing dates and identity quieries, three of us entered into the usual banter that happens between us all. For that, we were pompously told off.

The poster didn't properly read the response from one member who was rudely told that they were confused not the poster. Then the poster closed the post in a strop saying "I'll close the post as answered even though it isn't and it is going off the trail".

Then he added a sarcastic question about the avatars some members had.

Several of us, including some who hadn't yet contributed the the thread, had info ready to post (including from newspaper archives) if the query on certain identity details could be sorted. Thanks to the petulence and rude behaviour that poster lost all that information. His loss but now he has to go and find it elsewhere.

Thing is, we don't forget names we are asked to look for that easily, and even more so when we have cause to remember a thread. So even if they or anyone else who treats us so poorly, comes back even under another name in the future, one of us will recognise the info asked for.

It's time for some respect to come back on these boards. Maybe then the drain of people going elsewhere or just not bothering to help any more will stop.

Stepping down off soapbox now :-D

J

i as some who has ofen been helped am dissgusted with those pair why did they keep refuring to their illness why being ill does not make you rude

very poor exuse i am not in the best of health but hope i would never act like them

well done to all the helpers on that thread

sally w

I totally agree with all the above,

I will add that whilst searching we do often find information that a family may have not wanted close relatives to find "skeletons in cupboards" If you don't want to accept that your family could have such secrets because you think you and your family are far superior to the rest of us then i don't think genealogy is for you

Roy

Excellent point Roy.

I know it's not very nice of me (but I've never claimed to be perfect), but sometimes I get a certain satisfaction when I've found some "dirt" on the family of someone who's been a bit uppity.

Yes Jill I remember all the posts, and on other sites too asking the same questions.

I am a member of a diabetic group and it it is the same there, one particular person asks for advice and when it is given gets quite rude. People no longer bother to help their loss.

Carol

Hi Carol, Not long ago I was on another forum to do with children and a parent asked for advice regarding a particular condition that her child had been diagnosed with. I think it was a neurological condition and certainly one I had never heard of. She was after support as well as advice but I was highly offended because she said she specifically did not wish to hear from parents of children with autism. Wow. As I pointed out, not knowing anything about the condition I might not have replied anyway but didn't appreciate being specifically excluded. Hey Ho.

J

I must admit that I began keeping a "little black book" of names and membership numbers many years ago.


There have been some doozies over the years! :-D


There is someone currently still asking for help that I will not help after really nasty things were said some weeks ago.

He is still being helped by others ............... but so far is behaving normally.

Unfortunately, most of his threads are actually phishing expeditions in which he is trying to identify a parent and then follow the line back ..... several different potential "parent" and lines

and no-one seems to realise that!




I had a lovely one some years ago when I discovered that the grandmother had not been married when children were born. I was a little worried at passing on the information .... this was in the days when the TTF thread could only be answered by pm.


The requester came back to me, saying with great glee that she was really looking forward to telling her mother about this ...... because mother had been such a pain in the rear re "proper behaviour". :-D :-D




sylvia

Actually Jill I think the person/persons we are obviously talking about has mega major problems ;-)

Carol