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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Loopy Report 4 Apr 2006 01:51

Hi All, MMmm where do I start. A few weeks ago I was told by my BM about my conception, unfortunately it was not what anybody wants to hear and with such terrible circumstances, who was my birth father will never be known. Well all that said, I have dealt with it and moved on and I am know back to my normal mental state for a while, which probably is not fantastic but I am used to it LOL. I email my birth cousin almost every second day for the last few weeks and have to say she is great and I am happy to have this communication with her, it has been a bonus out of this. Also I now have contact with my half birth sister and she is also quite nice, BUT last night I received an email from her and she asked me in amongst things, Has my Mum told you who your Birth Dad is yet ??? WHAT IS THIS ?? Have I missed something in my BM heart wrenching email explaining things to me, I have read it over and over again and I don't think so. My half birth sister is 29 years old and I am sure she knows the ' story ' or maybe there is more to it. I am confused to say the least, and know with all of you asleep in The Mother Country I will have the whole day at least to wait to get a response from my 1/2 BS asking her what she means !!! I am back on that roller coaster and after a little straight bit I am climbing up that big hill, will it be a big downhill ride or a little straight bit at the top, who knows !! Hi Glen It must be so frustrating for you, but maybe someone up above is looking out for you ! Thanks for listing to me prattle on Melisa


Loopy Report 4 Apr 2006 01:29

Hi Ann If you are there I have sent you a pm. Melisa

Janet in Yorkshire

Janet in Yorkshire Report 4 Apr 2006 01:23

Hello folks, Hope no one minds me popping in, but I do so enjoy reading about all your different experiences. What a lot of fires there seems to have been over the years, and always the same targets -do you think it's part of the training manual?? My friend, who was adopted in the late 1940's, was also told that her records has been destroyed in a fire - we believed the story, thinking she had just been an exceptionally unfortunate case. As she had been told her birth name and had a copy of her original birth certificate, we were able to locate and make contact with two birth aunts. Sadly her birth mother had died, but we were able to find out the circumstances of her birth and adoption so that my friend was able to come to a closure. Good luck to you all Jay


Ann Report 4 Apr 2006 00:52

Hi all Just wanted to add that I have no trouble getting any of my papers (mind you I'm in Australia). The only frustration I had was knowing the right questions to ask so that the cousellor could legally answer. So I'm glad I am here. Reading your experiences on this thread sounds very frustrating. Good Luck to all of you. Annxx


Sandra Report 3 Apr 2006 14:57

Glen i was told in scotland that mine were burnt and they weren't. They had been put on micro film and birth link helped me get access to them. Keep trying i am sure you will get there in the end. Best wishes Sandra

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 3 Apr 2006 14:54

Hi Jess I do recall some of your experiences from previous posts. Fortunately this time it appears that i have the head of the department,and she is well aware of the Lincoln Court,having had requests similiar to mine several times in recent years. Whether i learn anything or not at least it feels like a constructive step. Glen

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 3 Apr 2006 14:42

Glen, there is a certain band of social workers who will tell you anything - like sheila says , the number ofthings that get destroyed in fires really beggars belief...funny no-one ever remebers the fires though! You keep digging there - the more adoptees they put off the less that have to do for their salary! My experience was actually straight forward and fairly painless ...until birth mother claimed records were wrong and she never had me, but that is another story jess

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 3 Apr 2006 14:35

Afternoon or evening whichever it may be,I have taken a different route to my court records problem today,with some encouraging replies to some questions i posed. I contacted the Lincoln Social Services adoption team,asking how (apart from the court) i may find the agency that was involved. Within twenty minutes i had an e-mail response outlining what steps were available and dismissing the various excuses offered by the court to date. I replied with answers to the questions regarding my birth name and dates etc,and within the hour had a request for the address to which my records should be forwarded. Although the records haven't yet been located they should be kept in the same building as my contact in Lincoln,and she assures me the records from the time are readily available and have not been destroyed lost burnt or bombed. Here's hoping. Glen


Louise Report 3 Apr 2006 00:06

Hi Glen, I suggest regular pestering as a good thing, normally the S/w are good, its the people further up who dont want to do the work, I am awaiting my file at the moment which has been found where I live, dont know why its here as theres only me in this area, unless there is someone previous that has tried to locate it & had to give up because I'm still alive, dont know if you know, other members can only locate if youre passed & they can prove they are a relative, so thats all I can think in my circumstance, any ideas from anyone else why my files got shipped to where I live, when theres 10 miles difference, could others be looking for me, Louise.


Eileen Report 2 Apr 2006 23:02

Know how you feel Glen, its so frustrating. Surrey have twice denied my existence in letters several years apart. Also spoke with them on the 'phone, and they had no record of me, or my sister, this despite the fact that I was sitting there holding the 'phone and reading out my adoption papers to them. Have not tried the Court yet, as I too currently live in Scotland, but we are moving to Wales next week, near the border, so it should be easier to chase things in person then. They could use the 'war excuse' with me as I was born in 1944, but the other one they like is the Local Govt. Boundary Reorganisation excuse. Echo the others, keep at it - Chinese proverb says 'the drop of water weareth away the stone' Eileen


Sheila Report 2 Apr 2006 20:06

Hi Geln,, Hold on in there, I know some records must have been destroyed during the war, but unless the plane was 20 years late in your case ; O) they cant use that one on you. Like you say there seem to be an amzing number of fires at these records offices :O( think you may have to get tough now, you could threaten hiring a solicitor or going to the media, in view of the recent changes to the law these people should be making a real effort to help you, if they do not agree with these changes maybe they should change their jobs. Even if their are no SS records they should be able to trace your court records, my adoption was private and I still do not know who was involved however, my SW was able to trace my court records for me. They should have been involved if only to give a review on the prospective adoptive parents, so keep on at them, that a boy! Good Luck! Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 2 Apr 2006 19:25

Hi Louise,my S/W is pretty good overall,but he also finds it quite a novelty with my adoption being England/Wales and we are both Scotland based,he is pretty disgusted with the reponses that have beensent back and has sent some strongly worded letters,backed up by my letter of complaint to the head of Family Law at the Lincoln Court,more so with the comments made to me on the telephone in the recent months. Apart from that thee seems little else we can do at present,but i suspect that regular pestering may come to the fore soon and try to make the court make some effort. I'm just waiting for the next feeble excuse,so far the court doesn't exist,then i was never adopted,then there was a fire,you just know that they have never even attempted to leave the comfort of the seat and even try. These same people would expect one of us to jump through hoops if they needed assistance we provide in our 'everyday' capacity. It's a waiting game,but sometimes patience wears a little thin. Glen


Gillian Report 2 Apr 2006 16:35

When I was in hospital having my twins in 1990, there was a young unmarried mother in the next room who was giving her baby up for adoption. Her father would not have her home until she had got rid of her son. She was trying to write a farewell type letter. She really loved her little boy, but she was a child herself, without a supportive family. We talked about the life her child would have with parents who not only wanted him, but could give him a good life. She did not give up that baby lightly, but there was no way she could keep him. I admired her courage for wanting a better life for him. Please don't think badly of people who have made some tough decsisions, and done what they thought is best.


Rebecca Report 2 Apr 2006 15:54

thank you Jess :-)

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 2 Apr 2006 15:03

nudged for another member of our club!!


Louise Report 2 Apr 2006 00:06

Glen, stick with it & give them some agro, I was told 6 months ago mine couldnt be found, they were destroyed in a fire, then surprise surprise, last week my S/W phoned they located my files in the area where I am living, please be very adamant with your S/W this is not acceptable, otherwise they wont do the job they are paid to do.

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 1 Apr 2006 23:48

Hi all Well my super duper S/W has been in touch today (Saturday),with a slightly bemused answer about my court records,suprise suprise they were lost a fire. I seriously think a trip to Lincoln is on the cards,even if it's just to kick someone up the a**e. I have had 3 pm's in the last couple of days on this very subject,either fires or bombing raids being the cause. Am i alone in thinking that there is no real effort made to even look for the records? It seems very strange that the Germans or the arsenists always managed to find the local office storage facilities,but no one ever found the adoption register or central files and managed to 'lose' so many of us for life. I suppose it's now a case of really kicking up a stink,and trying to find likely candidates for adoption agencies that operated in Lincolnshire in the mid to late 1960's.Not a prospect i relish,right now i just feel like writing a lettter to the editor of tje Lincolnshire Echo. Now there's a thought.. Glen


Eileen Report 1 Apr 2006 22:45

nudge for all adoptees - Where are you Jennifer Ann, born 22.9.1945 in Woking, our mother lived in Bisley. You are my full sister


Ann Report 1 Apr 2006 01:40



Sheila Report 30 Mar 2006 21:10

Hi Ann, Don't feel to down, Eileen is right, it may take quite a while to get some info from her if ever, quite a funny situation when you think about it, she may be your BM, but she is still a stranger, and it could be quite hard for her to talk openly to other people anyway, let only someone she has only just spoke whether you are her daughter or not. Also, as Eileen mentioned she may have blotted it out, or she could be embarrased about it, its not great scandal for a pregnany to result from a casual fling nowadays, but to her generation there may still be some stigma attatched, there could be very many reasons why she was not forthcoming with you, it may just be necessary to bide your time for now, and take it one step at a time. :O) Glen, So you have been busy writing poetry, hope it works with your other half, as long as you dont start writing versus about the wonders of Ancestry and the 1861 census you should be ok :O) Mind you know what you mean actually started properly on my tree now, and I must say its quite addictive ! Take Care all Sheila