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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Eileen

Eileen Report 30 Mar 2006 18:58

Hang in there Ann from Oz - at least you got something, and maybe you will get more. When I found my birth mum she was very hazy as to even which one of her children I was, and yes, getting info. was very bitty. An odd sentence here and there over the course of several years, during which time we met and talked of everyday things like the weather, our likes and dislikes, the price of this and that, how my new baby was doing etc. Non confrontational sorts of conversations, then a bit of info. would come out, maybe triggered by some memory. Sometimes this would be when one of my children did or said something. So don't be too down, you may just have to store up crumbs of info. for some time before you get a good picture. My bm insisted that she had wiped her memory, and I truly believe she had. The feeling of loss, and the guilt, even if it was for a better life for the child, must have been impossible to deal with. Stay strong Eileen

Loopy

Loopy Report 30 Mar 2006 04:13

nudge

Ann

Ann Report 29 Mar 2006 02:39

Well hello to all Had my first conversation with the BM this morning and it was, .....awkward..... I think is the best word to describe it. I tried to be as friendly as possible and had to more or less pull the words out of her mouth. Um and yes I ask the burning question about the bf and I got that it was a one night stand type of thing.....ok.......well next.....oh no she had to go.......So that was all I got.....hmmmmm no I wasnt impressed and yes a bit down by it. So I had to write and tell you all...........Thanks Annxx

Sandra

Sandra Report 29 Mar 2006 00:42

bump

Sandra

Sandra Report 27 Mar 2006 23:15

nudge

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 27 Mar 2006 11:44

Hi all Sheila Where have i been,busy trying to become 'au fait' with the computer and type/print my sloppy verses for the other half mostly.(making amends for hours talking about dear old granny etc) Took out an ancestry sub as well so i have been busy with that and found most of one generation lived in the very area i now live in, Slightly strange in that i'm filling in my time looking back from the 3rd generation backwards as opposed to constantly checking to see if the longed for e-mail arrives,more of a busy mind than burying my head in the sand,but it's my way of coping with the long wait. Big hug for everyone who needs it. Glen xx

Louise

Louise Report 27 Mar 2006 00:05

Hi Sheila & all, Yes I'm back, Thanks for asking, I'm fine how are you? I am going to go to library just trying to find the time,only just seen your msg, sorry for delay, Louise.

Ann

Ann Report 26 Mar 2006 23:57

Hi to all Hope everyone had a great weekend. Belated birthday greetings to Sheila. Not much happening here. Still havent got the answers to my questions.....time difference doesnt help...........Waiting is not my strong point.........Oh well back to the house cleaning....yuk Annxx oh yeah changed last name......

Sheila

Sheila Report 26 Mar 2006 14:43

Hi Sandra, Thank you , being spoilt now as I am of for a meal tonight with my family, there goes the diet :O( Just wanted to say to all ' HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ' whether your an adoptee with children of your own, an adoptive mother, or a birth mother, have a good day ! Sheila

Sandra

Sandra Report 26 Mar 2006 10:14

Hope you had a lovely birthday Sheila Sandrax

Sheila

Sheila Report 25 Mar 2006 16:40

Hi Mel, Thank you, another year older another year wiser ;O) not! :O) wil be going out for a meal later and will have a drink for you and all other adoptees on this thead . Glen Glad to see you back on here, where have you been ? don't give up with your brother, you just have to give it time and find your own relationship together, glad to see the way you have bee handling your Social Worker reckon I would have thrown a fit by now :O( JD Enjoy your time together with your grandad appreciate each day as it comes, the time you have together now is what matters,and if the worse happens you will deal it with it by remembering your happy memeories, Good Luck Sheila

Eileen

Eileen Report 25 Mar 2006 13:25

nudge

Loopy

Loopy Report 25 Mar 2006 06:29

Hi Sheila Just in case I got my timing wrong with the different countries. Happy Birthday Sheila Seeya Melisa

Loopy

Loopy Report 24 Mar 2006 12:40

Hi Sheila Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu Happy Birthday dear Sheila Happy Birthday to you........ I have to say I hope I have sung on the right day !!! With the time difference I am not quite sure. If not I will have to sing again tomorrow, are you all up to that? Seeya Mel

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 24 Mar 2006 12:09

wishing you a happy b,day mel wont be long now lou and the waiting will be over some heart rending stories again love to you all angie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wendydus

Wendydus Report 24 Mar 2006 10:34

Jess, I, like my Granddad will have to take things one day at a time. As far as I'm aware I will be there at the funeral as we all get along. However things may change when he passes. Not on my side but of those who see death as a chance to inherit. I only want to be there. I don't expect anything nor want any material or monetary gain. I have all I need just to be accepted as my fathers daughter and I am accepted as such. I may never be rich but wealth is measured in many ways. I have my parentage and no one can take that away from me. Jd

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 24 Mar 2006 10:18

Hi all, Well where do i start? According to the court i never was adopted,i think that the Lincoln court must conduct special training for staff,it's my third run in with a staff member there (all different).Same question posed to me each time,'Why do you want to know?' My answer now is that 'My parents were wise enough to allow me a chance and my adoptive parents were people who have brought me up to respect others,perhaps THEY could teach YOU' So far it has worked every time,but just sometimes throttling someone would feel far better. The saga with the half bro continues.I suppose if i'm realistic then i already have my answer,but after his last message 7 weeks ago ending 'Take care and hear from you soon' i have sent 3 messages and not had a single reply. I did think maybe he had been ill or away,but something seems to tell me it is more than that,more personal i mean. In an effort to find out more i have sent a message asking if he would rather cease to be in touch,if that is the case then so be it,but i find it unfair(?) to be strung along.Maybe i'm blinkered but he is either with me (supposedly for my family history interests and 'trading' that for information about my mother) or he is'nt. I suppose we are both using each other to a certain extent,but he does have the same options for finding out who GG G/F was,just as i do,but he knows what our mother looked like,i still don't even know more than her name and DOB. Sorry all,just having a bumpy ride at the moment. Jess by the way,no more 20 question look ups required,i finally succumbed to an Ancestry subscription,and gg g/f had a brother who was the registrar for births deaths and marriages,grab a shovel let's find him,i think we need to have a serious talk to 'old John' Glen

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 24 Mar 2006 09:54

JD, i dont think you do! You cannot change it, and will just have to go with it, and cope as best you can when the time comes. will you be able to go to the funeral, are things open enough? jess

Wendydus

Wendydus Report 24 Mar 2006 09:51

I have been reunited with my birth family for just over a year now and things have been good....til now. Well technically speaking since Wednesday tea time when I found out that my birth Granddad Mac has been told he has liver cancer. They can't operate but can try to treat it with chemo. As you can imagine I'm completely devasated. Neither of my birth parents are alive so my Granddad Mac is the closet I can get to my father and my Nan, Norma is the closet I can get to my mother. I can't put into words just how I feel. I guess it's like losing my parents all over again. When you start your journey to find your family. You have hopes and dreams. I know I had mine but I had realistic ones too. But the double whammy of them both gone is something I still can't quite come to terms with although I pretend I have. I wonder wether this is normal but then what is normal? That is something I have never been. I was adopted. My Mum loved me greatly I know and gave me up for a better a life. A life I didn't choose, or want. My Dad didn't know about me but if he had known maybe things would have different. He couldn't wait to leave home and get married. Maybe he would have married Mum. I know it's no use thinking of these things but they just pop into my brain when they feel like it. I dream of what could have been and should have been. I'm torturing myself, I know. But how do I stop? How do I prepare for the loss of my Granddad? How do I stop my heart from breaking? How do I fight this fear of loss? I have absolutely no idea. Thank you for listening. Love Jd xx

Sheila

Sheila Report 24 Mar 2006 07:23

Hi Mel, Happy Birthday to you too ! 21 today !, 21 today!, shes's got the key of the door, never been 21 before ;O) your as old as you feel :O) Will catch up with you later, busy this morning, do you reckon MarchA/pril is a boom time for adoptees my BS had her birthday last week, you today, and then me tomorrow, unfortunatly I am the oldest ;O( just got me wondering, other AS and BS April, anyway it explains all us bull in the china shop people (Arians !) Enjoy your lunch and raise a glass to your fellow adoptees over here, Sure your BF will be thinking of you today, difference is this year, you know they will be too :O) Eilleen Think there are 2 major issues for most of us, you mention one, an imortant one ....where we ever loved ? The other more basic one is no matter how good our adoptive parents where to us, and we can tell ourselves we where lucky, we where actually chosen by them, there is that nagging doubt, why did our own flesh and blood at the time not want us. Think most of us have to confront our demons, to lay this to rest, after all it is the ultimate rejection to be given away, this may sound harsh but everyone goes thorugh the same reaction even if they are do not judge or have if feelings towards their BF, they need to know ' Why ' Then having found out their individual reasons , each of us has a different story, its not the bog standard one you mentioned Eilleen, which we probably all expected , we all have different things to find at this point, but then all try to do the same, lay them to rest, for a lot this may not be the easiest thing to do, but I have found everyone on here tends to agree that they do not regret it doing it, its better than that niggling doubt. And for every negative thing you find there is normally a posative one, Louise, Hi how are you ? not seen you around for a while, glad to see your here now :O) have you tried the local library for copies of the local papers from that time, to see if they have anything in them ? or are you going to see if there's is something in your file ? Don't worry it will come out in the wash, someone in the family must know something. Take Care or now all Mel Dont get to drunk today ! mind you do you have the weekend to recover. ;O) Sheila