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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 12 Feb 2006 22:48

Angela - ring your LOCAL social services adoption services (county council ) and set the ball rolling. What will be in your file - who know? , they are all different , depends what was said/recorded at the time it takes time to find and access the file so be patient. get the ball rolling - if you decide the time is not right when it is found, you dont have to see the contents jess x

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 12 Feb 2006 22:53

thank you jess for advice iv got number of the social worker who got me my adoption file and that took a long time to arrive but worth the wait and i feel that if i can cope with what was in my adoption file i can cope with the court one there was many things in my file that i never knew and put a lot of ghoasts to rest lovely to see you back jess we missed you angie x

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 12 Feb 2006 22:55

Angela my court papers were in my file - I'm surprised yours were not, all filed together.

*~*Beve

*~*Beve Report 12 Feb 2006 22:59

Jess, I have known who my sister is since i was 16 (now 43). I used to go to a night club with friends and got friendly with two girls A and B about 1yr after meeting them I met by accident via my grandmother my birthfather and guess who was with him - you guessed my sister and friend from the club (being the same person)I was disgusted as she knew who i was all along but wouldn't tell me, I think she thought i might go after the family money! Anyway i decided there and then that i didn't want anything to do with any of them. My B/F had remarried and had more children. The only mystery left is the details about my B/M, i certainly wouldn't approach B/F or sister. Beve

*~*Beve

*~*Beve Report 12 Feb 2006 23:09

Off to bed, hope to be back soon! Nite nite all Beve

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 13 Feb 2006 10:03

hi jess when i requested my file i only asked for info from my birth upto the time i was taken which was when i was 2 and a half.i do have some papers that tell me the date of the adoption but no details of what was actually said in court.i remember going to the court and sitting in the gudges chamber while the court case went on.i was 12 at the time and i remember the judge asking me who i wanted to be with.my birth parents were at the court but we wernt allowed to see them and when the day came for the verdict they never turned up for court angiex

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 14 Feb 2006 23:01

nudged back for nattering!

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 15 Feb 2006 11:29

Oh, I am in a stress! my birth sisters daughter is throwing a wobbly!(she has 2 daughters) Daughter No2 gets married this year, daughter 1 is in a stress about it, consequently my dear Sis is in a pickle about it too. Sis rings me in tears just to chat, suggests i ask daug 2 what problem with daug 1 is....as she has no idea. According to dau 1 I shouldnt know anything about it, im not FAMILY. Cheeky wotsit! even if she considers me not to be ( and if she doesn't, it has never been apparent before) she is out of order saying who her mother can and cant talk to. sis and i are very close, My mum and dad think our relationship is great ( we even holiday together) so to have NOT FAMILY thrown really hurts, Daughter 1 isnt a child , she is a grown married woman who should take the time to understand...shouldn't she? She has Nevere had a problem with me before- or am i being over sensitive? Jess x

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 15 Feb 2006 12:05

we met 15 years ago,Liz, when no 1 was a teenager- if she was going to have had a problem i'd have thought it would have been then. We went to her wedding, we went to her sons christening etc etc.She calls me Auntie - which is okay if thats what she wants to do.............. We arent half, we are full -siblings- just both given for adoption to differnt families - we share both parent though * she and her mum are not speaking - Daugh hasnt rung her in over a month, they were togther thru circumstance ( bridesmaid dress fitting ) and daughter q blanked her mother completely

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 15 Feb 2006 12:41

Tried speaking to her, couldn't get past her husband though. She has always been fine with me, i guess she just has a guilty consience about something - Since she married her mum and dad are the poor relation (his folks are loaded!) but she'll return 'cap in hand' when they have no money. (they wouldn't dare tell his parent though!) As i said , i spoke to No2 daughters husband last night - and am worried to death he is going to bawl sis out today - Its his way! ''If i am involved, its serious'' so she is probably going to get a bollocking for talking to me, hence the comment about not being family! Hey Ho!! Wont take the weding outfit back just yet! Jess x

Sandra

Sandra Report 15 Feb 2006 13:51

Jess I think dau 1 is jealous as her mum and younger sister are dealing with the wedding which does take up a lot of time and it is probably been talked about all the time. I can understand you feel hurt by what was said but dont bite back you will regret it if you do. I feel the bond between brothers and sisters who were parted at birth is a lot stronger than if they were brought up together. maybe get your sister to send her daughter a special card and try and get them to meet up once a week (just them). Its worth a try. Take care Sandraxx

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 15 Feb 2006 13:58

Sandra - daughter 1 is daughter 2's bridesmaid! her husband is best man and the neph is page boy - cant be much more involved than that! What should this special card say? She is sorry - sorry for what? neither of the girls lives at home, so it isnt in their faces all the time. I just cant get to the root of what has gone on, and it is incredibly frustrating!

Janet in Yorkshire

Janet in Yorkshire Report 15 Feb 2006 14:49

It's known as family life, Jess! In a perverted kind of way, perhaps it could be looked at as a compliment that she feels able to treat you so badly and discourteously - bet she wouldn't do that to her posh friends. My Mum used to say people lash out verbally at those closest to them because they know that ultimately, they will be unconditionally forgiven. She obviously has some kind of problem and is looking for some way of taking it out on someone. Sounds like a deliberate attempt to hurt her Mum and you are the means she can do it through. Don't get stressed - I'm sure it will all blow over eventually. Families - who'd ave em ??? Jay

SusieQ

SusieQ Report 15 Feb 2006 15:22

Hi, Just wondered if anyone could help with with a query. I know that adoptees are still on the index in there orginal birth name. BUT do you know if they are then listed in the index in their adopted name for their orginal date of birth or would they be listed on the date of the adoption. or would they not be listed at all? I have all the details for a member of my family ie orginal birth, date and name and also their adopted name and approx time of adoption , but have not been able to see it on the registers.?? and was wondering if this information is omitted. Many Thanks, will come back to check replies later

SusieQ

SusieQ Report 15 Feb 2006 15:43

Liz many Thanks for the reply it has really helped and helped me sort things out (family wise) in my mind, as i felt i was going round in circles

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 15 Feb 2006 23:13

hi all just been reading all your posts and so many i can relate to jelousey seems to be a big part of finding our birth familys not on our side but more on the people we find and there exstended familys o how i have encounted this,in the end i just gave up trying to be accepted iv done this for 3yrs and i just get kicked in the teeth i also have recieved cards from some of my siblings and the others just couldnt be botherd,after all these years you would think that they would love sending there sister a card at this moment intime i cant be botherd with them either we are from different worlds and our relationship was doomed from the start if only i had talked to other adoptees before i went searching,then i wouldnt of ended up feeling the way i do angie xx

Sandra

Sandra Report 16 Feb 2006 00:48

I saw a card today jess that said you have not been in touch recently and i thought that would be appropiate. From the last message you sent , is your niece maybe not happy within her relationship. Stress within a family is hard going. Keep going i am sure you will find out the reason. Love SandraXX

Andrew

Andrew Report 16 Feb 2006 00:59

Hi there I just joined this site and am researching my adopted family tree. At time of writing this I am applying for access to my original birth records so hopefully will be able to search my biological tree. I must say I just stumbled across this section and have yet to read through it all but its nice to know there are people here doing similar stuff. Good luck to all of you who are searching, may you find what you need :)

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 16 Feb 2006 22:52

hi andrew just wanted to wish you luck in your search i too have done my adoptive tree and my biological one i have found new relies on both sides which i am pleased about angie

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 20 Feb 2006 08:16

Just bringing us back.. we nearly fell off the edge there jess