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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Unknown Report 20 Feb 2006 19:07

nudge : 0


Maureen Report 20 Feb 2006 22:06

Hi, can anyone tell me what the procedure for adoption was pre 1927? Was it called adoption? How did the 'adoption' take place? The year I am interested in is 1919. Thanks


Sheila Report 20 Feb 2006 22:48

Hi Jess, Been on holiday for a week, and cant believe I sent you a message just before I left ,asking you to start a new thread and to come back and see how much it has grown :O) I think legal adoption only took place after 1927 and anything before this date was informal eg , family members or neighbours taking in a child, or a local Dr could arrange this. However, you will have a problem to prove who the childs adoptive parents where, unless you know his new name as their will be not SS records or court records. Sheila

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 20 Feb 2006 23:24

help me with this Guys... have had this private message and dont remember anything about it!! - happy to delete if anyone finds it innapropriate ************************************************************************* From : Barbara Subject : General Boards Hi there, In reply to a message i put on the genes site titled (Looking for Kate) you advised me to look on the general board but i dont know how to access it, i would be grateful if you could advise me further. I am not really sure how to use these message boards any advise you can give me would be great. I came across a message on the lookupuk site from someone called Kate she is looking for information about the birth parents of Iris Cresswell who was adopted out when she was five years old, Iris Cresswells parents are my Grandparents. I have sent several replies to her on the lookup site but her message was put on ther about five years ago and i have not heard anything back. I look forward to hearing from you. With Thanks Barbara Cresswell ************************************************************************ any suggestions anyone?


Sheila Report 20 Feb 2006 23:44

Hi jess, I have come across this before when someone has left a message on lookup but then family have not been able to reply to them, more than likely her e-mail address has changed. Has she got the full name of the person who put the message on hopefully it is in her adoptive name. Sheila


Sheila Report 20 Feb 2006 23:58

Hi Jess, She has not put her last name on the message on lookup, so I cannot look for her, but does Barbara know that someone on this site called Janice has Iris in her tree? Sheila


Loopy Report 22 Feb 2006 11:56

Hi All Aaarrrr After finally finding a counsellor in Oz that understood that I needed to see a counseller to access my adoption records, it is not a counsellor approved with the GRO. What is the most annoying bit about it is that the organisation I booked it with (church conselling service) is approved in one area (2 hours away ) but not the one that I booked it through (30 mins away ). I emailed the GRO and there policy is that the futher one away is the only approved C*****care Office. Luckily now after 2 weeks I have finally got application form and a list of the 4 approved centres in N.S.W. Sorry to complain, but I needed to let out my frustrations Aahh I feel much better now. Cya Melisa


Sheila Report 22 Feb 2006 22:32

Hi Melissa, I had already e-mailed you to see how things are going, sorry your having so much grief finding an approved counsellor, mind you I remember them saying to me the nearest one to me could be Munich which is about an hour away :O( Hopefully you can sort something out in the meantime hold on in there, everything comes to she who waits :o) Take Care for now Sheila Jess any word back from Barbara ? just wondering if Janice could be of any help to her.


Unknown Report 23 Feb 2006 13:36



Peter Report 23 Feb 2006 14:06

Hi all, I have been searching my tree for a while now and have met my birth mother and half brother. She didnt want to talk about my adoption at all and wouldnt give me details about my father, all i know is his name, I found this in the pile of info given to me by the church society. Any ideas on how to progress with finding him, and am i about to open Pandoras box.

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 23 Feb 2006 14:18

Pandoras Box Peter- yes probably , and a box of worms that will probably bite....... BUT ......... - what ever that box contains if you want to open it, then do so - its the only way to discover what is in side. If it bites you, well, its a chance you take, If not it might be filled with goodies. Worst case is that it is empty. At least you can say you looked Jess x


Sandra Report 25 Feb 2006 15:06


Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 27 Feb 2006 10:19

Hi all Just feeling a bit glum today. Still waiting for my adoption records,the Lincoln Court being most unhelpful and somewhat 'abrasive'. I was actually asked today 'why do you want to know why you were given away?' That one came after a bit of a grilling about what i can or can't access.(they tried to say the files are closed) In a fit of peak i replied that i would probably find that my mother was related to this court official,as they both seem to have a throw away attitude towards me. Composed myself a bit then said 'i was given a better chance so what is your excuse?' It's not really my style but seeemed to do the trick as i did get an apology and a promise (empty?) to look into the delay. Ifd anyone remembers the certificate and job saga recently,well a quick update, completed my first month then when payday came along on Friday (first one,paid monthly) no money appeared and no phones working. Looks like they went pop and 10 drivers not working today,all owed wages.It just gets better and better. Glen


Sheila Report 27 Feb 2006 11:01

Hi Glen, Sorry to hear that things are not going to well for you at the moment :O( With regards to the job siutation it could be worth getting in touch with your local Citizens Advice Bereau to see if they can help. But with regards to the court clerical officer, I do not blame you for being annoyed! I owuld have been. I must admit I have been lucky although SS were very very slow, they were both helpful and nice to me, and the court clerical officer I dealt with was brilliant even booking me into the courts at short notice to get my adoption records. I just don't think everyone can understand an adoptee's qeunch for knowledge, and the need to know the truth of their background, that along with some older SS worker's ideal's, that whats in the past is in the past, and should not be raked up leads to situations like yours. At least you managed to get an apology from her leave it a week or so, and if no action is taken then write a fairly strong letter to the Head of the Social Services dept. and the local courts, since the change in the law it should be understood that they should be there to help you in your search, not hinder you. Chin up Glen, hopefull better days ahead!! Take Care for now Sheila


Ann Report 28 Feb 2006 00:25

Hi Jess and all other Adoptee's Question. Do we have the right to ask for details.? Example: Who was my BirthFather and why. Do we have the right to press for information. Is my desire for all information to much and should I not ask for the past????. Ann at a confusing stage in her Life. Hi Melissa, I,m in Oz too. This sight helps. Thanks Jess and Co. Love reading messages.


Sheila Report 28 Feb 2006 07:09

Hi Ann, Welcome to the thread :O) .......Do we adoptees have a right to answers to our questions, in my personal opinion Yes! Do we have a right to persue a realtionship with our birth family regardless of the cost to anyone else, No! I think most people on this thread, have wanted to know their background info, in order to try and get answers, we search for our birth family, this I agree with but would encourouge everyone to do this in a subtle way. However, if we form a relationship with our Birth families, all well and good, but you have to weigh up the cost of that against the disruption it may cause in other people lives, its hard to generalise but you have to take each case as individual. Most people thing this is an issues between BM, BF and adoptees, but this can go way beyond that including siblings, new husbands, children etc. You can only start your search, ask for advice (on here or direct to any of us if you like :O) and then make the deciscion for yourself..... as each case can be so different. Wishing you all you hope for, and Good Luck with your search. Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 28 Feb 2006 11:17

As always when something seems uppermost in my mind somebody will post a comment that is very relevant,and usually Shiela is somewhere in amongst it. After yesterdays trials and tribulations,not all to do with 'family' business,i drifted off to the little place in my mind where i picture my rellies. Although i have found 2 half brothers and a half sister we are going through a quiet stage,albeit a very constructive one in certain respects. I have been told a name for my father,but the one possibe/probable link through GR is not going well.The person who may be one of 6 more half siblings would appear not to be a member anymore. My half brother knows little of my father,but has some rumours that might be useful. The greatest regret i have is that he is unable (maybe unwilling) to actually tell me anything about my mother,i don't know anything about her,what i would give to see a photograph. I know she died 16 years ago,and i was born 16 years after the youngest of her three children,i know where she is buried,and i have addresses for each of my half siblings. Armed with what i know i could cause elation or devastation in equal measures just by knocking a door or picking up the phone. Reading between the lines i don't think they were a very close family,despite only living two streets away from granny they couldn't even be sure of her name. It just feels strange to have a name and know nothing about the person,whereas at least with grt g/m i know where she was born,where she moved to,where she worked and what she did. Ironically last week i visited two places where she is mentioned in the census,unfortunately i didn't see the census till the weekend,now i wish i'd stayed a while. So for me b/m is just a name but granny and grt granny are 'real'. I think if there is a picture of my mother anywhere it would probably have been taken with my nephew,as he was born the year after me. I know where he is,but don't even know if he knows of me or not.For that reason i would never attempt to contact him. I still can't get my court records,perhaps one day they might give me some comfort. If anyone knows how to contact GR member Sheila Robertshaw,connected to James (Jim) Townsend b Lincoln in the 1920's could they let me know. Glen

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 28 Feb 2006 11:33

ann sorry, didnt see your Q's earlier... i'll c&P and add my thoughts, if you dont mind. Question. 1) Do we have the right to ask for details.? Example: Who was my BirthFather and why. i think we do have the right to ask, although the right to be told ,isnt always the same. i think it depends on who you were asking. When i met my birth mother i asked, and she was firstly adamant that she didnt know B/F name ( which wasnt true) and then went on to say Mrs so and so had told her he died. could she know that? Who died?...when you dont know his name... At the same time, because i knew I wouldnt get another chance,I asked about the circumstances surrounding my birth - again she didnt tell me the truth 2)Do we have the right to press for information. Is my desire for all information to much and should I not ask for the past????. Again,depends who you are asking. Adoptive parents tend to want to protect you from the truth as they see it( and that i think is instinct) I would press a social worker for every last crumb of info she could glean. How far you press a birth parent depends on how responsive they are ( and then take wht they tell you with a pinch of salt until you verify what they are telling you is true) ---------------------------------------------------------------- the journey to discovering who you are, who you REALLY are, is never easy and is cnfusing, nobody want to cause hurt or upset, but if the cost to you is anguish , then someone has to loose.Is that self preservation?) I've always thought of it as a journey- thing is, you have no map, and it maybe that you go down a road thinking it is the right one only to find that it is completely wrong. You CAN reverse and try otherways.the right road will be there. Jess x


Loopy Report 28 Feb 2006 11:45

Hi All and Hi Ann My original birth certificate has finally arrived from the U.K. It was sent to a friends house just in case my Mum and Dad were visiting, no need upsetting them if nothing becomes of it. So my friend will be droppping it of first thing tomorrow, at the moment I am running through many emotions to see my B/M name and my birth name there in Black and White !! After 30 + years I am no longer unsure of whether I want to see it or not, as I really do and I am ready to start my search. Cya Melisa


Ann Report 28 Feb 2006 12:07

Thank you Sheila. And 'thank you' to you Jess. Having already found the BM (which has included all her family finding out) in U.K, these are the things I,m finding hard to injest, because as Jess said it hard to know what she says is fact. How do you try to understand the BM when its such a Dannielle Steele novel type story and not much fact. Its hard to believe. Maybe because I cant imagine me going down her path. Never needed to find out where I came from until my birthsister (also giving up for adoption) found me last year. That started the curosity and I havent stopped thinking about since. All to consuming. Does it stop??? Ann xx Good Luck Melisa. I understand your not wanting your parents to know. I am the same. Annxx