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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Ann

Ann Report 5 Mar 2006 01:09

Thanks Sheila Your right there is no manual to follow. This Thread has been the best place for me to talk to others of the same situations. So Glad this thread is here it helps heaps. Annxx

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 5 Mar 2006 07:41

Ann You lawys add when i am asleep - i guess you must be on the 'other side the pond'- hadn't realised that , sorry. You have said various things in your last message, which have caused me to stop and ponder: ref to your age and the 'frequency of the communication'. I have no idea how old you are, so cant really comment but can guess that irrespective of your 'real age' you're in the infancy of the relationship with your birth siblings. Do you have siblings that were brought up with you?i have no way of telling. i do , and certainly my brother and i dont speak on the phone week in week out. OK, so we know each other , but even so. i think what you have i tems of frequency of communication is actually brilliant, and maybe a week does feel like a lifetime but it isnt. Being ''over wanting'' - which is diabolical english!- WILL chase her away. hard though it is , try not to plague her with messages, let her initiate some and see how long it take, if she only replies, not starts messages then it maybe you are asking for more than she is prepared to give. One My birth brothers died and I managed to track down his son,Because of the spread of children that BF fathered this bloke- technically my nephew- is only 10 years younger than me. I can e-mail him anytime, and he responds with friendly banter and news but NEVER initiates the e-mails, and i have never met him. I am one of 9, birth sibling out of birth father ( although 7 are halves) -I have telephone numbers and adresses for each and everyone of them on BF side , yet only communicate with 2, much as i would love to have them all 'in the circle' it doesnt always happen that way. Jess x

Ann

Ann Report 5 Mar 2006 23:32

Jess Sorry I forgot to mention I was in Australia. And I am 42 years young. I have one Sister I was brought up with and consider her my real sister although we were both Adoptee's from different BM&BF Chalk and Cheese.... but we do love each other as Sisters. Just different. Only recently found out about that I had other Siblings from BM, that were also giving up for Adoption. Big surprise that was as I thought I was the only one. Like most Adoptee's you think you were the big mistake. Not knowing that more Siblings were giving up also. I think that waiting for replys from BS are tough because I think that maybe she might change her mind about contact. But I dont pressure her. As I wouldnt want it done to me. I dont know anything about BF as yet. Havent got that far yet. BM hasnt given names only a little information about why we were born. Things have cooled of in the BM area. We both have not heard from BM,s brother who we are in email contact with. She has given addresses and phone number, but to be honest I dont think I'm ready to talk to her yet. This maybe the guilt thing. My parents are still alive(wonderful,loving parents) who I know would not be happy about all this. So I dont know how far I will go from here. Thats something I will have to think on. I appreciate your Questions and Answers, it helps me. Annxx

Loopy

Loopy Report 5 Mar 2006 23:59

Hi All Mmmm where do I start I have had a busy few days, 2 weeks ago I had no information and this week my head is spinning. After recieveing my birth certificate I started on my search for my birth mother and hoping I had the right one with a couple of name changes began to wonder whether I was following the right woman. So I decided to go another way and look for my BM's siblings and I found an older sister, so with the name and year of birth I looked on GR and there was her name and year of birth, I can tell you my heart skipped a beat with fear and anticipation. I emailed the person who was doing the tree to ask whether the person in the tree had a sibling giving her a name, approx age and that she worked in a chemist and became friends with a Lisa K, she replied quickly filling in the K name ( wow I had the right person) trying not to get to emotional I asked her if she knew how her Auntie knew Lisa, and she has replied back that her Auntie was Lisa's her BM. At the moment I believe we are at the moment emailing each other with bits of info hoping the other will fill in the blank just so we both know we have the right person. I have no idea what will become of this, I will have to wait and see. At the moment I have about 200 or more questions to ask though I think I might have to pace myself with the questions. I am not bitter about being adopted as I would not be the person I am today, I believe I have lead a charmed life as I have great parents who are always there for me and their love and suport have made me who I am today. I also have a great husband who is my sole mate and who I would not have met had my life taken another direction. My parents have no idea what I have started and I feel guilty about that but after 37 years my curiosity could no longer be contained. At the moment I have no intention of teliing ny parents as I would not likr to upset them. All that said and ment I would still like to see where I came from, and who I look like, where it takes me from there I will have to wait and see. Sorry to babble I had to get it of my chest, this thread is great as at one point I thought I was the only one with certain feelings and now i realise I am not alone. Thanks for listening and will still be babbling for some time yet on this tread Talk soon Melisa

Loopy

Loopy Report 6 Mar 2006 00:16

Hi Ann I think it may be just us aussie's that are awake !! Melisa

Ann

Ann Report 6 Mar 2006 01:22

Yes Melisa I think it is just us 2 Good to hear things are going nicely for you. Yes your head will spin for a while to come. Try to think of other things as well as it will sometimes overwhelm you and you need to not let it consume you. Which is hard. And I am not bitter either. But I think all Adoptee's like me have probably a rejection issue. All human's hate rejection. i think someone was looking after me and found me the best home. And I do thank God or my guardian angel for that. Have a Great day Ann Hi to everyone

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 6 Mar 2006 08:19

Debbie, you can do it yourself ~and be sure of what you find! what exactly did they do, how long did it take and how much did it cost in total? What actual info were they prepared to give you for that money?

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 6 Mar 2006 10:19

Hi all, Mel and Ann,despite you being awake when most of the rest of us are sleeping,i think my minority is smaller than yours. I can't recall the last post from a chap on the hint's board for a long time. Just an update for everyone. I haven't heard from my half brother for a few weeks now,the other half brother is still a no-no,and my half sister is 'in the background'. That is to say that half brother whom i contact passes snippets to her and they have spoken about me. The only contact i have is via GR,they have other contact details for me,but haven't as yet taken them up. It's been somewhere just over 4 months since we first confirmed the link to my B/M,feels like forever when realisticly it's not that long,but a week waiting for a reply feels like a year. Still nowhere near even knowing what colour hair or eyes mother had,mentions of photographs don't even get acknowledged. So i put some spare time into the rest of the family,granny and grandad were married on Xmas day in 1907,so pictures atart up in my mind,G G/F was a Master Mariner,GG G/F was a mariner turned coastgaurd,at one time stationed at the same place as Grace Darling. G G/F had a sister who married at a church 12 miles from me (300 miles from where i was born and raised)I went to it yesterday,at least i've stood in 'family footsteps'. Obviously i'll never know much about them (all from 1810 to about 1890) but at least i can dream,it's just such a shame that the most recent family,the brothers,sister and my mother (passed away some years ago incedently)are just names and dates,no picture of how they look or how they sound. As for my B/F,nothing concrete,just a name and a rumour or two,but i might have found a daughter he had,though heaven knows how to prove we are talking of the same man,The rumours from my half brother are borne out by the daughter. If and i say IF he is the same person then he fathered enough for a football team,and there might be a substitute or two left to appear. Big hugs for everyone. Keep posting Glen x

Sheila

Sheila Report 6 Mar 2006 11:33

Hi Ann, Listen do not be so hard and your self and your Birth sister, . like Jess says what do you consider frequent contact? in your own family you and your adoptive sister will no doubt go for a week or so without any contact but you would not think anything of it. The thing with this search is, it is so intense, once your have grabbed the bull by the horns, things cannot happen fast enough, days seem like weeks, weeks seem like months, people may need a cooling of period, you say yourself one minute you want to meet up with her the next minute the thought of meeting up makes you sick, do you really want to meet her yet ? are you anywhere near each other (or in the same country ;O) If so you can always suggest meeing up for coffee or pub lunch, no string attatched just a little chat, but maybe she is more worried as her immediate family don't know about you. Guess what they adapt, my kids think its fantastic they have new Aunties, Unlces and cousins. I can understand you not wanting to upset your parents, the are probably quite scared now, knowing that you have found your BS they know the seeds have been laid for tracing your BF, and are scared of you getting hurt and being rejected,a lso scared that this may change your relationship with them ,as if ! If they do find out, just re-ssure them that they are and always will be your Mum and Dad, but you just needed to find your history. Hope things go well for you and stay in touch with us all. Glen, Glad to see your back on here, families heh, but your a lot futher on wih your search than a week ago ;O) Good Luck! Mel, Any more news yet, told you still got my fingers and everything crossed (and it's getting a bit uncomfortable now ;O) so hope you hear something soon). Take Care all, and hope things go well with your searches. Sheila

Loopy

Loopy Report 6 Mar 2006 12:05

Hi All Hi Sheila Just thought I would let you know that my birth cousin has emailed me with my BM email address and she also told my BM my email addy. I have just finished writing a short email to BM and will now wait to see what happens. I had to stop myself from writing a novel, that can maybe come later. My birth cousin did tell me that my BM had tried to look for me many years ago and that she was happy to have contact with me . Now the wait for the return email from my BM Good night all, I have had a big day Cya Melisa

Sheila

Sheila Report 6 Mar 2006 12:20

Hi Mel, Good on you, now make yourself busy a watched kettle never boils, and an e-mail wont come any quicker if you sit watching the PC :O) Sent you a PM as well. Sheila p.s. oh sod ! knowing thar you are in Australia ,you will be in bed when it comes :O( whats the time difference where you are ?. we may have to wait till tomorrow to hear any news and my fingers and legs are cramping up ;O)

Ann

Ann Report 6 Mar 2006 22:55

Hi Jess,Mel,Sheila and Glen Thanks for all your messages of support. Melisa Hope all goes well for you today with your first BM email. Sheila Yes you are right. But because its new, its exciting and all I want is more. Sometimes you know when not to tell your parent things as you know it will hurt them. Maybe later on I will fill them in, but not now. Glen Dont worry about being the only male here. Your messages are just as important. And Jess 'HI' to you to. Love reading all your messages. Catch up soon Annxx

Loopy

Loopy Report 7 Mar 2006 12:16

Hi All Just wanted to make it an even 100 Cya Melisa

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 7 Mar 2006 21:44

Slip slidin' away!!

Ann

Ann Report 7 Mar 2006 22:05

Just saying Hi to all Enjoy your day or night.. Annxx

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 7 Mar 2006 22:38

hi all just wanted to add my little experience about having contact with birth siblings first year was great lots of contact my little brother foned me january after 2yrs of no contact my big brother foned me sunday after 6months of no contact and im just waiting for my middle brother to get intouch after not hearing off him since last november it takes some getting use to but i put it down to been a man thing good luck to all of you angie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann

Ann Report 7 Mar 2006 23:19

Just trying to keep the thread on pg 1 lol

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 8 Mar 2006 11:10

Morning ladies How is everyone? Last night i had a contact through GR enquiring about a name in my tree,one of mothers' siblings. The person asked if i knew any names for wife or children,i didn't but the name is on my 'names to explore list' I said i had a name for his parents and had worked down to him,turns out this contact is his son and has worked up to him. Result 8 new cousins!!!!!! I haven't revealed too much at the moment,just trying to establish whether we know anything about the remaining uncles and aunts we share. I think from what is in one message we lived pretty damn close to each other at one point,strange. Slowly trying to establish some form of contact more directly with my half sister,time will tell. Yesterday i had a death cert arrive for grandad,trying to prove/disprove a rumour,i ordered it from the local office so it's the one with grannys' signature on it(GRO cert wouldn't?). Anyhow she seems to be more real than anyone at the moment,i feel like i went to her wedding and was there when gramps died. Slowly putting life into the names,just that all important missing generation. Hugs to all in my little 'ladies room' Glen x

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 8 Mar 2006 12:38

Re my court papers Still no joy at all from Lincoln,they seem to have misplaced everything,still 3 months ago they said the court didn't exist so at least we are getting somewhere. Glen

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 8 Mar 2006 21:11

Hugs for all in the 'ladies room' Glen? not many men are as willing as you to talk. Cyber hug requred please. Right now everything hurts!Inside hurts not bumps and bruises type hurt.feel all screwed up about loads of bits and they together are doing my head in. nothing to do with being adopted at all