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OLDE CRONE RETURNS!!!! Time to journey home......

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Malcolm Report 24 Dec 2005 22:01

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL TOGETHER GIRLS ya put ya left leg in ya left leg out in out in out shake it all about tra laaaaaa tra laaaaaaaaa yup im on the rum lmao MERY MERRY XMAS TO ONE AND ALL malc

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 21:38

Well there are no Carol's coming to the party........It's quite nice here at the Inn (where there is no room left lol)....................... Worrying about Crone getting the barbie ready in time............. Hope she hasn't drowned in her own punch? (cheap embalming though......) Merry


Unknown Report 24 Dec 2005 20:28

LOL Merry! Wasn't actually pointing in any particular direction. You look very fetching!!! 6.30 am here, so will have to scadoodle soon. Have a Happy Christmas. Can we keep this going 'til New Years do you think??? Oh sh*t! The idiot across the road has decided to put on C- carols at this time of morning. Doesn't augur well for the rest of the day. I was wrong! The idiot is actually in my own living room. Bl**dy hell! Death by Carols!

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 20:16

Are you being rude about my combinations, Rebs????? I'll have you know they are a family heirloom! Carefully darned by my granny and her mother before her. I think they were purchased for about a shilling in 1892......... Merry


Unknown Report 24 Dec 2005 20:12

Adventures of the Wishing Chair. Without any further todo's the travelling trio have finally arrived at Olde Crones in the ar*e end of England, but where is everyone? 'Lara! wake up' Rebs shouted above the snoring. (Billy and Lara were each trying to outdo the other) Waking with a snort, and a painful wedgie, Lara looked down as the chair hovered. 'Where is everyone? No greeting party, how rude!' In the distance they could see a reddish glow coming from what appeared to be a public building. 'Let's check that out' said Rebs, and the chair obediently flew towards the glow. As they drew closer, the young lasses could see the glow was in fact caused by an abundance of red tinsel g-strings. 'Oooooh! Look at all the ladies in red. How festive' said Rebs, secretly thinking that some ladies should avoid string tinsel over garments in the future. Now, how do we land this bl***y thing again..............................?

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 19:36

THAT MUST ME one else would do sprout and custard pasties AND I'm sure I saw a glimpse of red tinsel as she left the room...........I see she must have taken out her false teeth in readiness for cracking nuts, already............... Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 24 Dec 2005 19:28

I wondering if she was that dotty old dear that just brought our those pasties~ I know its chrristmas and tradition says that you should have sweet at one end and savoury at the other but i wish they'd have found a way to somehow stop the sprouts at the savoury end mixing with the custard at the sweet end.I like both, but not together. When in Cornwall, do as the natives do, eh?


Beryl Report 24 Dec 2005 19:26

Merry... I was going to say she will be the one wearing a red tinsel g-string but Oh! my goodness there are scores of ladies wearing red tinsel g-strings (some of them not very flattering, mine included). We shall just have to pin our hopes on the name badge. Beryl x

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 19:15

What's worrying me is that if none of us know what she looks like, then how do we know she isn't the waitress who served me my pint? Or the chambermaid who turned down my bed, or that olde woman scrubbing pots in the kitchen?????? Do you think she will be wearing a name badge? Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 24 Dec 2005 18:52

at least we have some where to meet then Merry - did seem to be an awful long way (ok, so Mary and joseph has to go a long way too) but at least when they got to where they were going the inn keeper hadn't P*ssed Off out!!. Lets just hope Crone has left a note on the door saying go in and help youselves...

The Border Reiver

The Border Reiver Report 24 Dec 2005 18:50

OK Santas just left Mumbai - will be visiting Lahore in 20 minutes (no that's not a french lady with loose morals)! You lot have filthy minds. ETA in UK about five and a half hours. Ian

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 18:28

When Joseph and Mary arrived at The Star Inn in the year nought, the reason they couldn't get a room was because some women in red tinsel G-strings were going to have a party and had rented out the whole place............... Merry


Beryl Report 24 Dec 2005 18:12

Woe/Moe....put the gravedigger don't know where he has been (well perhaps you do!). Tina...please don't be upset I am sure Merry made a mistake....Yes I know she hardly ever makes mistakes...but you have to admit those marks do look like cellulite. I have the same marks and I wasn't even caught in the fishing net. Well girls and Poppy dog lets gather our bits and set off to find the Star Inn. Merry has it all arranged. Three cheers for Merry....Hip hip Hooray, Hip hip Hooray, Hip hip Hooray. Merry, Jess and Bobbin we will be with you soon. Jess ...Woe/Moe, Tina and little old me are well suited to be the three wise (Woe)men. It stands to sense really cos we have all travelled from The North. Don't know what that has to do with anything but it sounds wise.........Well, I thought it did. I am so looking forward to meeting all the fellow travellers who have made such ( stupid) efforts , sorry about that small typing error meant to say Stupendous efforts to avoid the c...mas festivities at their own abode. Beryl x. PS. brain hurts!

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 17:12

Just putting the fire out, for a few hours, as we speak........Should give time for the chimney to cool a little..... also I don't suppose we should get used to being too warm with the barbie tomorrow.......the shock to our systems might be too much. (I have invested in 20 ''gallon'' petrol cans that we can fill with real ale, from The Star Inn, to see us over OC's punch tomorrow..........) merry


Macbev Report 24 Dec 2005 17:07

Sounds pretty good, Merry. The Fat Man knows all the addresses, luckily, but I'm a bit worried about those log fires you mentioned earlier. I won't get there for a bit (is that the Pyrenees we're passing over now?) but Santa only does roof-top drop offs. Am I gojng to need my Yo Yo after all? Beverley-rapidly-recalculating -her-ETA

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 16:58

Right.....I've come to an arrangement with The Star Inn and have booked the whole place for Eve night - room for as all!!!! Comfy beds, real ale, warm dog baskets, hot showers, tinsel refurbishment service......just about what we all need to recuperate after our journeys..... See you all soon......... Then we can discuss....''Where IS the Olde Crone?????'' Merry


Macbev Report 24 Dec 2005 16:25

Wheeeee -I'm off the pot at last. No, not hemp, you suspicious lot - my chimney pot. The Fat Man's really zipping over the Indian Ocean -is that Singapore I saw below. I'm sure I recognised the Raffles. What do you mean, Santa -what Lapp dancing??? I thought you were a Finn -at least that's what the paper said today. Just keep you mind on your driving and your hands on the wheel -oops-reins,and we'll manage just fine. Rebs, there is absolutely no problem with the jowls (or the bra cups, for that matter. I'm snuggled up under my Afghan (my God, you lot have got dirty minds!) and navigating like billy-o. Turn right at the next star, Santa. The fruit flies have all woken up in the rarefied atmosphere and the poor little things are hiccupping madly. I thought we'd hit a bump or two just then, but it was just the brandied flies convulsing. Wish I'd thought to bring the boogie board -it would have been the ride of the century. Just cruising over Capetown now. ETA, the Wee Small Hours. Hope to goodness that chimney is clean and the fire's out. Keep straight ahead and don't come down in the Sahara. I don't fancy sand in my tinsel. What ARE you on about ,Fat Man. I'm not wriggling -I'm doing my exercises. Haven't you ever heard about Deep Vein Thrombosis? Well, it's not my fault the sleigh lost its trajectory. Feed the reindeer more curry. Git 'em, Donner & Blitzen. There go the Six White Bloomers, off on the Australian Run. Check -size 18 puce knickers Check-passport tucked into said knickers Check-red tinsel g-string Check- brandied fly-enriched cumquats Check-super soft toilet roll Check-Afghan Check-vibrating gear Check -house key for Bev's mum in case she decides to use my place after all Sooo exciting. Think I'll have a little nap now, as it's a long journey. Really looking forward to this party Beverley-across the Equator-and trying-for-a -home-run


moe Report 24 Dec 2005 15:42

Jess, Mary? virgin? wasn't she a married woman when she had Jesus?Well since none of us can find OC, i suggest we all head to a safehouse, somewhere we all know well, graveyard maybe???and sit around one of OCs rellies graves and have our picnic until she finds us.My cds running low it needs charging Pasty cline sounds like shes mumbling, my homemade baileys is starting to curdle, so it needs to be drunk, i am upset the lifeboatmen didn't find my blue tinsel/lights fetching,(I was hoping to take one back home with me)Oh well, it looks like i will have to make do with a gravedigger instead, coo..eee, i say cooo..eeeee mister gravedigger.....what a big shovel you have....

The Bag

The Bag Report 24 Dec 2005 15:19

stuff the name , as long as there is real all who cares what it is called!!

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 24 Dec 2005 15:06

OLDE CRONNNNNNNNNE OLDE CRONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I have brought you a pair of Aggie's drawers (Harvest Home Knickers) to wear under your festive G-String.........Where ARRRREEEE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU Should I call the emergency services?? Missing Crone alert? Or....Jess, there's always the five star hotel option.....?? .........Hmmmmmmmm.....not a great deal of choice.......This seems to be it: The Star Inn 1 Church St., St Erth, Hayle, Cornwall Main features: Built in 1647, with log fires A selection of excellent real ales also says it is near this: ''St. Erth pits''.....maybe this is Olde crone's home? Merry