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OLDE CRONE RETURNS!!!! Time to journey home......

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 10:45

If nobody's volunteered to do Santa, I don't mind putting up my hand. I already have the belly, am fast acquiring the whiskers and can do a mean Ho Ho. Don't own a red coat, though. Some one mentioned a red tinsel G-string??????????? Bev-getting pie-eyed-with- the -pickled -fruit -flies -in- Perth

Vicky

Vicky Report 15 Dec 2005 10:47

How do you know Rudolph is her real name - have you managed to find her birth certificate? [well this IS a TIPS board lol] I think 'she' was disguised as a 'he' because in Victorian times - the first time we find her mentioned - it was not usual for women to have paid employment, or do anything useful outside the house. [And we all know men can't navigate.] (And on that, I'm going back to lurk in the cupboard for another fortnight.)

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 10:50

Jess, .....You were the first to suggest this party and I was the first to agree, so that means we get to sit in Crone's armchairs....the one's with the springs still intact and NOT the sofa, where the springs are poking out. The trap-your-fingers summer seating will do for the Aussie crew (they won't notice the lack of upholstery, as they're used to hot weather in their neck of the woods)....... Rudolf must be a gender-reassignment reindeer. I thought he would have changed his name to something more fetching now he is a girl (with antlers). When I was a child I was emotionally disturbed by a reindeer mum bought me from Woolies that, by the time we got home, had NO antlers. Rudolf must have been a boy in those days?? Merry

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 10:54

Bev-getting pie-eyed-with- the -pickled -fruit -flies -in- Perth......not sure about the red tinsel G-string (have you tried it on in front of a full length mirror yet?).....maybe I could buy a roll of RED bin liners for you to wear over the top? Bev....only tastless presents to a max value of 27p are allowed! Merry

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 11:00

Yep! We've been seriously misled regarding the reindeers sex for years. Doesn't matter anyway, I've gone off the thought of Santas sleigh. Being unceremoniously booted out at mach 5 with no guarantee of landing in the right spot, not to mention having jowls I could tie above my head (although it would solve the problem of ear muffs) has made a ride in Santas sleigh lose it's appeal. I'm considering a hot air balloon now (Inspiration from Kats C-card) since I think there are enough windbags on this site to fuel it. Maybe a quick whip around the gen board will give me enough fuel to get from Brissy to Cornwall??? Unless someone can come up with a better idea. Now, do we have to bring gifts? Like many before me, I too have a drawer full of goodies and here's my chance to get rid of....erm, to share my bounties. I have some bonds cottontails size 18 (unused and unwanted gift from MIL, I'm a size 10), 4711 ea de toilette (unused and unwanted gift from MIL) A selection of fondant decorated prunes (yet another treasure from MIL) a jar of brandied apricots (courtesy of SIL, came with the selection of school fete jams, and I only tasted one.) and various other goodies. Since I won't have time to shop when I get there I'll need to know exact numbers please. Rebs x

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 11:07

Exact numbers, Reb Elf!!: Crone Jess Bobbin Merry several huskies Maid Marion Bev Scott Tina Cheshire Pussy cat Ebeneza Macbev in Perth Ang Oop North/Dn South Fairy Smith Buttercup Fairy (not sure??) Gwyn Ding in Kent and.................Reb Elf I think that's it at the mo...........Please state NOW if I have missed you off.....Crone needs to count her cheese biscuits to see if there's still enough in last year's selection pack. Merry

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 11:13

No probs Merry, in that case I'll MAKE everyone a red tinsel G string, being of a creative nature and Tooting Market now having tinsel reduced for a quick sale (its a bit stringy but thats the whole point of a G string is it not??) If anyone (ahem) feels that their girth may require TWO strands of tinsel, just let me know! (But just remember that I can get no more than 2.7 strands out of 27p .....!) Bev x Someone might need to bring that cream that relieves itching that they advertise in the back of ladies mags ...

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 11:14

Thanky you Merry. See what I can dig up. Might be a good idea to keep those prunes away from the huskies. Hmmmm...........perhaps from Olde Crone as well. How reliable are those tenas? Bev, I will bring some libra liners so the tinsel doesn't tickle too many fancies.

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 11:19

Bev....if you could make mine out of 1.7 strands please, I'll donate my ''other'' strand to someone who....well.....requires a little more.... Rebs.....BTW, if you ''keep digging'' far enough you could get here via the centre of the earth. Have just ordered an industrial sized pot of anti itch cream. Will pop it in the roof-box-on-wheels, with Jess. Merry

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 11:35

Lol Merry. Exactly how big is this roof-box-on-wheels Jess and Bobbin will be sharing with all the extra paraphernalia?

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 11:36

Merry -I don't HAVE a full-length mirror. I am not, after all, a masochist! Reb, I can probably make use of the size 18 cottontails. They'll go nicely with my DD Minimizer Bras (the ones my jowls won't fit into because of previous occupants). Together with the cherry pipper, they'll make as welcome a C-present as I have had in years. Sorry you won't be sharing the Fat Man's sleigh -I was looking forward to some back-up when it came to insisting on following my navigation. And if Jess and O.C are going to be like that about sharing the comfy chairs, I'll just have to pack my crocheted Afghan rug . However, I must just express how warm it makes me feel to have made SOMEONE's invitation list - I, too, have been invisible for months. BFP

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 11:40

Rebs......Have decided on two roof boxes....stacked. Bobbin in the top comfy one with his favourite treats and a blanket (for when he is too tired to run with the huskies) and the underneath one for Jess! Macbev......Olde Crone won't be sitting down at the party, so you can have her chair.....she'll be dishing up the food and handing round the straws etc. Merry

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 11:50

Just checking -was anyone interested in my vibrator gear? (details are currently on page 7).Add your own batteries. BFP

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 12:00

Thank you for your kind offer, but I think I will probably have had enough vibrating to last the whole of 2006 by the time I get to Crone's on the skiing commode........... Will leave my share to someone who needs it more! Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 15 Dec 2005 12:36

so, the dress code is a red tinsel G string (lined with the essential tena lady) and a bobble hat? Mmmm Maybe some harvest festival knickers underneath - for safety! Strange folk down Cornwall way - Talk funny dont thay do we need to know the language? Ok I know Pasty and clotted cream.....any other essential language were going to need? I guess the local constabulary will understand ''Officer, I'm Innocent...' in any language

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 12:56

You would think that someone (BevScott) who shops at Tooting Market would realise that we will all freeze to death wearing a tinsel G-string, and bobble hat. (with or without the red bin liner, kindly offered by yours truly).....Don't forget, we are sitting in the garden for the barbie. Please can I have my full consignment of Tena Lady sent to me by Express delivery, so that I can stitch them together to make a coat??? Thanks. Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 15 Dec 2005 13:24

I'm going to make a cosy fully absorbent snuggle-down bag out of mine. I'd say a sleeping bag - but the chance of getting 40 winks with Merry driving are quite remote. Hey, could we have brazier and roast chestnuts?Like wot men do when they are on strike outside the factories - always looks like fun! Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Bobbin nipping on your toes, Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, And folks dressed up like Eskimos. ..in tinsel G strings? Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe, Pickelled kumquats and Old chocolate Help to make the season bright. GR Buddies with their eyes all aglow, Will find it hard to sleep tonight. - They know that Santa's on his way; He's loaded Rebs and goodies on his sleigh. And every mother's child is going to spy, To see if reindeer really know how to fly. And so I'm offering this simple phrase, To twits from one to ninety-two, Although its been said many times, many ways, Crones christmas is what we'll do

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 13:52

I might accept the offer of your red bin liners, Merry. Doesn't sound as if Bev can make a g-string to fit my Rubenesque proportions, even with the generous donations from other folks strands of tinsel.My multi-coloured crochet Afghan rug is quite warm and should add a certain cachet to the bobble hat. Is there a firm offer on your size 18 underdaks, Reb? Don't really understand this Tena Lady bit, although I have my suspicions. Is it the same sort of thing my 18 month old grandson wears, guaranteed not to chafe and extra absorbent. If so, I don't want 'em. They've got no style! Think I'd better bring my vibrating foot warmer, judging by the comments about the weather, even if no-one wants it as a pressie. I can always cuddle up to Santa with it on the way to Olde Crone's, and have pleasant dreams. BFP

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 14:00

I love chestnuts and have never had them from a brazier.....sounds great. Am probably very good at being on strike at Christmas.....this is my first year to find out! Tena Lady has similar qualities to your grandson's apparel, BFP, but are designed for the more mature lady......who finds some things are less controllable than they used to be - particularly whilst sneezing, laughing and coughing..... Merry

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 15 Dec 2005 14:10

[Jess.....On another note, I have just seen a thread on General called ''threes'' on which Joyce of Rathbone fame explains that she ISN'T Dutch....that's just her hubby. She is from Liverpool!] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry, back to party mood!! Where IS Olde Crone? Am getting worried that she has strapped herself to the undercarriage of a jet, to get out of Cornwall berfore C-mas???? Or perhaps she has just popped out to Poundland to do her weekly shop? Merry