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The letter he received... They've been!!

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Smiley Report 11 Jun 2005 20:05

I'll mention that to him Ann Shelley, how awful for you, I am so sorry. My BIL still hasn't heard anything. Sam

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Jun 2005 09:22

Sammy. still feel for you and you B-in-L. Seems to be going round in an endless circle and not moving on. Have done the 'drive up and down outside' bit myself, didnt get me far, and thought about being interflora woman but had this thought (my BM claiming to be in a similar state to his mother) - If i make the journey, IF i turn up with flowers, IF she is in, IF i get her to the door, IF i hand then over- HOw much futher on am I? ..and how will I know IF it is her? You heart is very much in the right place, but Dont forget how far 80 miles is across the welsh hills- about 3 hours I'd guess! Jess x


Quinsgran Report 15 Jun 2005 05:53

Hi Sam. Have you tried B4USEARCH.COM.This has electoral roll and telephone numbers unless the telephone no is blocked. Margaret


**Linda Report 15 Jun 2005 07:07

Hi Im sure if you go to the post office you can send a letter to be signed by the person that you are sending the letter to. Think they have to give the postman ID just a thought Good Luck Linda


Unknown Report 15 Jun 2005 17:16

Thinking of you all. Jules x


Smiley Report 16 Jun 2005 08:01

Hello everyone, don't get excited...NOWT'S HAPPENED! I just don't want to lose this thread, and I really appreciate you all adding your messages & nudging for me. I met my sister for a cuppa on Tuesday and I mentioned to her about me & our other sis being in Wales in August, but she pointed out that BIL has 2 weeks holiday in July, they always hire a car so he is deciding whether to make the trip himself. I'm not sure he will, and for the very reasons you have mentioned Jess, what if she's not in she wont even come to the door she says ' I told you I don't want any contact' and shuts the door. They are all real possibilities, and it's his decision, to be honest I don't think I will be trying to convince him either way. If he wants to then Great! but if he decideds not to, then who can blame him. Thanks again for your messages...... Sam xxx P.S one of the first things I did was try for a telephone number, there isn't one


Smiley Report 17 Jun 2005 09:28

JUNE 17th 2005 My BIL's Nan died suddenly this morning. She got up to make a cup of tea and it seems she literally dropped dead. She was 78yrs old, her husband was there and called an ambulance but it was too late. BIL is in pieces, they have brought him up since he was 3yrs old, he looked in on them this morning before he left for work as he always does, they were both sleeping. BIL has telephoned the father he hardly sees, and he is going in like a steamroller to ''sort things out'' BIL's grandad is not the natural father of BIL's dad, and they have never seen eye to eye, but the couple have been married for 35yrs, BIL is already upset that his grandad's wishes will be over-ruled by his domineering father. The Grandad is not really ''with it'' so although he's next-of-kin who knows what will happen. I can see huge family arguments ahead. Sam

Joy Kentish Maid

Joy Kentish Maid Report 17 Jun 2005 09:33

I'm so very sorry, Sam. Joy

The Bag

The Bag Report 17 Jun 2005 09:37

As if he didn't have enough on his plate at the moment, Send him all our love, please, Jess


Ann Report 17 Jun 2005 10:13

Oh Sam, I am so ,so sad for BIL, the poor man. Goodness knows what thoughts are going round in his head at the moment. Life can be awfully cruel sometimes. Poor BIL his grief will be tearing him apart. Please pass on my condolences. Take care Ann xx


Dea Report 17 Jun 2005 10:17

Sam, So VERY sorry to hear such sad news - please pass on our love and very best wishes. Dea x

The Ego

The Ego Report 17 Jun 2005 10:41

What an awful state of affairs. On a purely practical level,as his grandad is next of kin,the undertaker would take instructions from him.A good undertaker will do this very subtely.The next of kin has to inform the undertaker of all the details. I hope this doesnt flare up,but I cant help thinking that your B-I-L will get very protective over his grandparents,and rightly so,which ,in light of the other circumstances,might tip him over the edge,in his latent anger towards his father. Our thoughts go out to your brother in law,and to his grandad. Pam H.


Liz Report 17 Jun 2005 12:35

Ain't life just so b****y unfair. As if your b-i-l hasn't enough to contend with at the moment - no wonder he's devastated. Like everyone else on this thread my warmest thoughts go out to him. Would he feel strong enough, I wonder, to have a private word with the undertaker, to put him in the picture about his grandfather's wishes? Liz


Patricia Report 17 Jun 2005 13:10

Hello Sammy, I have been following this thread since the start, and I send my condollences to your BIL, what a sad blow at a time when he is trying to deal with so much, I think he needs to stand up to his father for his Grandads sake, I wrote this for my son inlaw when his father died in March this year, I hope you like it. Life is like a patchwork quilt Some large some very small It's made up of precious memories As through life we trawl Hundreds of tiny stitches We sew in it every day We leave this quilt behind us When we have to go away This quilt serves a purpose For the ones we had to leave Its to wrap the love around them And help them whilst they grieve. Sending love and good thoughts to you all. Best wishes. Pat


Heather Report 17 Jun 2005 13:53

I know it doesnt seem it, but this seems so fateful at this time doesnt it? Who knows why this should happen at this point and what it may lead to? My thoughts are with the poor man, he must be knocked sideways.

~ Oleander

~ Oleander Report 17 Jun 2005 14:20

Totally said what I wanted to but probably said it better.... Hope things turn out OK for BIL You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remeber her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be emply and turn your back or you do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on. Jacquie xx


Smiley Report 17 Jun 2005 15:31

Thank you, your thoughrs are really appreciated, even with tears rolling down my face :) thank you for the poetry , I'll pass it on Sam P.S. I am sure my BIL will be there for his grandad, especially where his nan's wishes are concerned, it's just that his father's response on the 'phone this moring was ''Don't worry I'll handle everything'' which sounded vey much like a ''Butt out'' comment to my BIL


moe Report 17 Jun 2005 17:58

So sorry to hear the news, your Brother-in-law has had more than his fair share of heartache. it sounds like he has a lovely extended family that will help to ease the wishes to All of you at this sad time in his life. MOE!


Morley Report 17 Jun 2005 18:07

Dear Sammy I am so sorry for your BIL. It makes you realise just how precious life is. Maybe this will help him 'take the bull by the horns' with the situation with his BM. Life is too short!


Seasons Report 17 Jun 2005 18:51

Everyone takes shock and grief differently - His father's reaction is possibly the only way he can deal with it. As long as your BIL is there for his grand dad they will get through it together. Your BIL just has to make sure his father doesn't run roughshod over his grand dads wishes and they end up with not the send off that his Nan would have wanted. Regarding the funeral it is the person who arranges it that pays - so if his grand dad is on low income and he arranges the funeral then he can apply for the DSS allowance. (check first if eligible). However if his father arranges it and he's not on DSS he can't claim the allowance and the costs soon mount up. I arranged a very basic funeral few weeks ago that was wonderful - couldn't have been bettered if I'd spent an extra £1,000 - so more expensive doesn't mean better. My thoughts and prayers are with your BIL, his Grand dad and your sister.