Genealogy Chat

Is there any way of writing an email that doesn't give away the specifics, but if she was to speak to the birth father (unknowingly), he may guess who was in contact. Its a hard one! Liz

I've missed your message Maxine.it does sound like a difficult senario, just reading the replies! Jess

hi maxine also missed your post,but thinking of you hello every one else hope things are going well for you all,thought id post message to get us back at the top of the board best wishes angie xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Angela, keeping our fingers crossed. Maxine

I am in the middle of writing my letter at the moment and it is the idea of its response that is holding me back - picturing it arriving as someone is eating their breakfast cereal (or probably main meal, the way Royal Mail delivers!). I think you are right that men don't go for contact as much as women may. But its so much easier to trace men as they rarely change their surname etc. I feel like I need a crystal ball, so that I knew what would happen, before I take action!! Liz

Well dizzy if you get that crystal ball please have a look for me! With the help of a terriffic lady on this site i am just about to send a letter of on behalf of my husband. As some one said imagine their face over breakfast. Im more worried imagine the wife opening it !! It is a good point how would we feel. Unless it really happens to you your self we wont ever know. One thing i can say is i would certainly reply in the nicest way possible even if i didnt want contact. Surely some kind of acknowledgement can't be to much to ask for. Wish me luck. x

I think those of us that write these letters- i've done it- need to just go for it. We spend probably more time agonising over what to put, without having to worry what the reaction will be- for as long as we dont know the person we have no way of knowing. As long as thought and tact has gone into the letter, then it should be okay. Who has EVER written a letter of this sort and sent the first thing that came into their head? No-one i'll bet! With all the publicty regarding adoption and adoptees rights, surely everyone that ever gave child for adoption MUST be aware that there is always the potential for that adoptee to pop out of the woodwork- even though they were promised that they would never be traceable. Jess

My husband sent a letter to his birth mother after writing and rewriting the letter half a dozen times. She replied straight back, short and to the point but not unkind that she wished no contact from him, and she would not be contacting him again. We suspect she had not told her family about him. I do feel sorry for her as I'm sure she must think that he will write again or worse just turn up on her doorstep. I'm not so sure if it was me that I wouldn't be tempted to walk up and down her street hoping to catch a glimpse. Maxine

Well, I've taken the plunge and written to my father. I wimped out of phoning him, I'm not sure how much his new wife knows and don't want to cause any unease for him It'll take about a week for the letter to reach him from here but I'll keep my fingers crossed that he reacts positively about it A very big thank you to Heather for all her help. I was also going to say a huge thank you to Chris for the info he passed over as well but I believe he's no longer around. So if anyone is still in touch with him, please tell him that I'm incredibly grateful Maddie x

hi maddie just read your post,hope all goes well for you hun thinking of you love angie x

hi me again i see pt 3 is motoring along quickly in my absence, worcester social services said though they did the pre adoption report on my sister thats the only file they have ever had and could locate no further files in worcester area, further to this i contacted redditch court myself as her birth mother assured me this is where my sister had been adopted, they forwarded my request on to worcester court that had located and had a full copy of my sisters adoption file within a couple of weeks (so much for worcester social services). though the judge decided they wouldnt release any information directly at this time (which is understandable) they agreed to release the file too worcester social services to allow them to make further enquirees on my behalf. great i thought until i contacted worcester social services who said they would be happy to accept the file but refuse to do anything with it untill the law changes so its gonna sit there for 6 months gathering dust. so ive now applied to the court to release the file to an alternative. birmingham adoption support near myself who i have been in contact with now for some months. they are great folks there and have been wonderfully helpfull and supportive through all of this i cant reccomend them enough. fingers crossed the judge will allow this as the adoption support are willing to proceed with enquires on my familys behalf if they can receive the file. they have confirmed that my sister was adopted through redditch county court in the second quarter of 1969 though they will tell me no other info, case number 6900093, so im creeping in the right direction. fingers crossed for a breakthrough soon and an end in sight to this long hard and emotional slog... good luck all

Good on You Maddie! Everything crossed (please tell Lou to get herself back here I miss her!) kelly. hope something gets resolved soon- so near and yet so far..Ever thought of becoming a cat burglar?, creep in at the dead of night and help yourself off the desk...or maybe not!! Jess

Thanks Jess, I'll keep you all posted with what happens. I'm more nervous about this than when I was sitting my med finals! Lou's not too well at the moment so I'll tell her you've been asking after her when I speak to her in the morning Maddie x

hi kelly my adoption file was at b,ham social services and yes they were great with me 2 they sent file all the way to wales good luck hun love angie x

Hope she is okay,remind her he has my phone number if she needs anything. sending a (((((HUG))))) to my cyber sis! jess

Hi Jess Her hip has locked again and she can hardly walk, can't lift the children, play with them etc so she's in agony and quite low at the moment I'll tell her to ring you so you can try and cheer her up!

jess id have killed to have been a cat burgular last thursday when the woman said at worcester court adoption dept, im sure we have her file here ill just go get it off her colleagues desk, i was like omg ive been looking for that file forever and its just kinda lying round your office , id have given my right arm to have been a fly on the wall....

*breathe in* *breathe out* REPEAT I have just posted the contact letter to B Uncle. Figure he will get it by tomorrow (unlikely) or Friday. *breathe in* *breathe out* REPEAT Will let you know! Liz

Liz. Did you enclose your phone number? if so suggest you keep some clean knickers by the phone cos you'll Poo yourself everytime the phone rings in the next few days! if not, no mugging the postie. I am sure mine thought i had a crush on him jess

Hi Jess, No, I didn't put a phone number - mobile or otherwise. Decided that I would be nervous enough without having to jump every time the phone rang. Plus I start a new job on Monday, and they would start to wonder what the hell was wrong with me if I kept checking I had a signal etc!! Also didn't put an email address - decided that I spend too long on here as it is without constantly checking and rechecking for new mail!! So unless he uses 192 or its equivalent, the only option for contact is via Royal Mail - if there is an unplanned strike, I will not be held responsible for the actions I take against the picket line!!!!!! Keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't keep me waiting 2 months for a response! (Not contemplating that he won't respond at this stage!! That comes tomorrow!!) Liz