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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 25 Jan 2006 20:11

bumped

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 21 Jan 2006 18:27

Nudged for Julia/Ann

Tracey

Tracey Report 19 Jan 2006 14:52

i am hopeful that someone can give me some advise, i am trying to find info on my birth mother joan hawkins ne goodall i have her last known address but that was over 30yrs ago now can i still find her? advise pls tracey

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 19 Jan 2006 13:12

nudged for a friend

Dorothy

Dorothy Report 19 Jan 2006 01:12

hi this is to update all the people who have been a support to me since I came on this site after finding out at the age of 62 that I was adopted, my birth brother called the other day we have been in touch during this past year, I had sent him a birthday card with a photo of me. my son and family in the card, stevens best friend was over and saw the photo, and said your sister looks so much like your mom, a little thing in the grand scheme of things but he knew my birth mother and it was so nice to have a non family member point out the resemblance, silly thing really but it meant so much to me , also my son is so like a brother that died in 2004 i guess gene;s will out dorthy canada

Sheila

Sheila Report 18 Jan 2006 22:45

Hi Sandra, Have sent you a PM, computer crashed after blowing the fuse box, and only managed to get back on now :O( Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 18 Jan 2006 16:31

Many thanks for that Sandra,i thought i was going silly and missed something,and apologies for getting your name wrong earlier. I wish you the best of luck for the future.

Sandra

Sandra Report 18 Jan 2006 15:02

I removed my thread from the list as I found out what had happened was not above board. I could never go to the press as this could cause so much pain and distress for the people involved. I am trying to restore bridges with my adopted dad as he didnt know i was trying to trace my birth family. thanks for all your comments Best wishes Sandra

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 18 Jan 2006 11:54

Of course i AM that exception,mine was 11 months,mostly due to my medical problems i would think. Having problems with getting my court bits sorted,but at least while they sit where they are they can't get mislaid!!! Hugs to everyone Glen

Sheila

Sheila Report 18 Jan 2006 11:23

Hi Glen, Hows things? glad to see you are of the same mind as me, most of us adoptees will refer to being adopted 'from birth' however this technically is not correct, even though you are with adoptive parents maybe from birth or 6 weeks old, you still exist under your 'birth name' till the courts agree the formal adoption, as a general rule this take about 6 months, although there may be exceptions. This enables the BM to re-consider her deciscion (although in a lot of cases it was not her deciscion) also for SS to access the adoptive parents and for medical checks etc. I cannot understand how Sandra's sibling would have been registered by them, unless it was done on the hush, hush. Here are 2 sites that may be of help to her or anyone looking for Scottish birth families www.lookupuk(.)com will give you the contact address of the adoption departments for info. and also there is a lovely woman by the name of Margret Drummond , some of you may know her already, but Joan Allen asked her to set up a Scottish version of myfolks. She is really clued up on Scottish Records and maybe able to help, and really is a sweet and helpful person, her web site is www.scotsconnected(.)com At least she may be able to find the brith registratrion, Hope your hear back soon Glen, remember patience is a virtue ;O) Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 18 Jan 2006 10:39

Hi Sheila,you mirrored my thoughts exactly,though i did put the wrong name at the start of my post. I know things do work differently in Scotland,not quite sure how,but with me being adopted under English law and now living in Scotland,i often sit waiting for the authorities checking what they have to do differently for me.It does have certain advantages,it seems to make a 'tidier' albeit slower process,but my papers are usually quite well known by SW before any meetings. Glen.

Sheila

Sheila Report 18 Jan 2006 09:48

Hi Sandra, Have you deleted your original question? It seems really strange that the adoptees family registered the birth this would not be legal, the birth should have been registered under your mothers name, then approx 6 months later when the adoption goes through the court, the details are entered in the General Registrars Book and a cert is issued in the Adoptess new name, however, it would never be registered officially under the adopted name, unless they have done things differently in Scotland. On the plus side if this is the case, then you have the adoptees new name, making it easier to trace him, on the negative side he may have no idea he is adopted, if this has been an illigal adoption there will be no court records or Socail Services records to prove it, possibly there may be a record of your mother giving birth in a hospital or home at that time. But you would have to think hard and long about whether to persue this matter, if you need to feel free to PM me. Take Care for now. Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 18 Jan 2006 09:40

I think i missed something somewhere re Margarets' posts in the thread. Is she trying to find a child she had adopted? It's the comment about the family that took him registered his birth that's throwing me? Not quite sure what Jean means by approaching th newspaper,but i agree it's an extremely dangerous course of action.Too brash and far too risky to try and achieve anything constructive in what is a delicate and emotional situation. Glen

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 18 Jan 2006 08:50

Jean, go to the paper and say what? NOT a good idea, a bit bull - in - a - china shop, isnt it? You need to tread so carefully , in my experience and find out everything that you can before proceding and then do so with the ultimate caution. A newspaper article would smack of desperation, which certainly sure to get a birth family/sibling running ...and in the opposite direction!

Sandra

Sandra Report 18 Jan 2006 07:55

Thanks for your advice. Got my friend to check out records in scotland . The family who took him registered his birth. He won't know that he was adopted. I am sadly going to leave this alone. sandra

Sheila

Sheila Report 17 Jan 2006 23:28

Hi Angela, Hope your feeling better now, just take it all in your stride, on the posative side they have been in touch, but you have to accept birth families are like every other family they can fall out with you and not make contact for ages and they can swamp you with affection, but hopefully there is something in the middle. Think we all have to realise after the inital contact things tend to settle down a lot, and you get into the habit ot taking each other for granted( then you know your like a normal family :O) Just try not to expect too much , and anything after that is a bonus :O)) Alice, Know how you feel, mind your if I had cards from all my new extended family the postman could't carry the sack ;O) Sandra, The birth should be under your mothers maiden name try checking out GRO records for a birth in the area where she lived in 1949/50. Beverley, This has to be your deciscion, it is possible that your sister may not know she is adopted, in this case a 3rd party may be able to help act as an inter-mediate, but you are facing the dilema every adoptees faces, this search is never just about the adoptees and normally the Birth mother, but affects so many other people , siblings husbands etc, so you can only proceed when you feel its right to do so, and have weighed up all the consequences. If you need to talk either e-mail any of us or pop onto this thread for advice. Best Wishes to you all Sheila

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 17 Jan 2006 22:59

You did better than me , Angela, i got one christmas card (although it was on time ) out of 9 possibles!! Hard, isnt it?

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 17 Jan 2006 22:53

nudging for support xxxx

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 17 Jan 2006 22:52

HI ALL HOPE YOU ARE WELL JUST NEEDED A CHAT HAVIN NOT HEARD OFF MY 3 BROTHERS OVER XMAS,IM JUST HAVING THE MOST BAZAR WEEK FIRST I RECIEVED XMAS CARDS OFF ONE BROTHER ON FRI 13TH WHICH WAS DATED 12TH OF JAN AND LAST NIGHT AFTER NOT HEARING OFF MY YOUNGEST BROTHER FOR NEARLY 2YRS(HE CUT ALL HIS FAMILY OFF EVEN HIS 2 SISTERS HE HAD MET AFTER 35YRS) FONED ME LAST NIGHT TO BE HONEST IM A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION HUGS ANGIE XXX

Beverly

Beverly Report 17 Jan 2006 18:23

Do you have any details at all of which family she went to? Regards, Bev