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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 1 Aug 2005 20:27

hi julia things will get better for you its early days yet and very emotional for all concerded.it is realy hard to reasure your mum that you will always be there iv been in your mums possition and it is realy hard to accept that this new family will be there but in time she will know that you mean what you say.i found my 3 brothers and it was realy hard to accept that they were going to be there for always and even now i have days when i think have i run the relationship dry and then one or another gets in touch and im fine again good luck julia x

The Bag

The Bag Report 1 Aug 2005 19:07

Hi, what is your parents take on it all- You say she'll never loose you , but where does that leave you? To pron=mise that you'll 'never leave her' is a difficult one - i guess you need to know what she maens by that. What will happen say, Christmas, will she expect you to be with her> and how do you feel about that? It sounds as though potentially you could have a great relationship, more like sisters in age ifshe had you very young. jess x

Julia

Julia Report 1 Aug 2005 18:04

Hi everyone, just poped in to say hello again,taken ages reading what you have all been up to, i havent been on site for a few weeks. Things are still going well with my birth mum and brother (and extended family) i have just celebrated my 1st ! ! birthday with my birth mum on sat 30th . I stayed at her house on fri night, she wanted to see me first thing on my birthday. It was all very emotional, we couldnt sleep and mum was struggling with what might have been, and all the years and events of my life she has missed. She remembered giving birth to me as if it was only yesterday, and the pain of losing me.Those of you who have seen me on thread before will remember that i was born early, rushed into an incubator. mum was very ill and only got to hold me once, then her parents told her i had died. They signed all my adoption papers as she was a minor. I only traced her end of May this year so things are still strange. mum has nightmares that she will lose me again, i try to reasure her that i'm not going anywhere. This is very stressfull.! Help anyone who has found family does it get easier ? i need to take shares in tissues. Sorry to rattle on but needed to talk to people in same boat. love Julia x

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 23 Jul 2005 14:28

hi lorna i havnt searcherd for my birth parents,but did find my 3 brothers and the bond was instant,i will never forget the day i first met them and even now the feelings are still with me,i love my brothers just as i loved my adopted parents.have found 3 birth aunties aswell thanks to this site i havnt met them yet but we allways in touch i dont know how id feel if i met my realy parents my story is a lot different to others on here best wishes angie

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 23 Jul 2005 14:21

hi jo i live in wales but my records were in b,ham.i suppose it depends on how busy the social workers are.mine took about 11 weeks which seemed like an eternity,6-8 months does seem like a long time in my 11 weeks i had seen a social worker twice and she was regulary on the fone,i just kept hassling them because they kept giving me a date and when that date arrived i still hadnt recieved any thing so i was onto the social workers straight away.i hope you friend gets her files soon i know what it was like for myself so understand what your friend is going through best wishes angie

Jo Jo

Jo Jo Report 23 Jul 2005 11:42

I have read this thread with interest, I am not adopted, but my friend is. She has applied for her file and has been told it will take 6-9 months for a social worker to be available for an interview before she can see her file. Is this normal, or does it vary from area to area? She was adopted in the late 70’s. Jo

Lorna

Lorna Report 23 Jul 2005 11:15

Hi to all I haven't been on here for a while I'm still at the early stage of my search can I ask you all seem to feel like me you love your adoptive parents unconditionally can anyone tell me how they feel towards their birth parents is there a great bond already there through blood tie or what . i understand everyone has a different story just curious

Sue

Sue Report 22 Jul 2005 16:13

Hi Rainey girl, it took 6 weeks for them to copy my file and maybe a couple of weeks where letters were posted and forms were sent,if you know where your file is maybe a phone call to them to see if the is a hold up on your file like I did.Luckily the lady I spoke to managed to find my file and put it on this mans desk ready to be sent out the following day. Fingers crossed it won't be long from sue

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 22 Jul 2005 12:44

hi rainey girl my file took about 11 weeks i kept foning them so they wouldnt forget who i was they had to send birth file to wales as this is were i live now my file was in b,ham had lots and lots of info from it and read it quiet oftern as lots of stuff i didnt know.its realy like reading about some one else as i dont remember some of the stuff as i was very young at the time i do hope you get them soon it is agonising waiting and i feel for you just keep hasling them lots of love angie xxxxxxxxxx

Kelly

Kelly Report 22 Jul 2005 03:48

hi again gang, so much going on so fast i dont know where to start, but in a nutshell........I FOUND HER!!!!! just goes to show what you can do with 40 straight hours on the computer and enough, correct information and a very large pot of coffee! its taken me just under 7 months from start to finish, and im still getting replies from social services to this first batch of harrassment letters i sent out in december. ive been very lucky, but also very persistant and pig headed. if i had taken heed of all the we have no records letters ive had, and the youle never find hers, i would never have got there. my sister is married alive well and has 2 children, but she personally had thrown in the towel 6 years ago and given up on the idea she would ever find my dad, but seems glad i found her despite the obvious shock! i spoke to her on the phone for about 5 hours, and left the ball in her court, i think its alot more emotionally stressfull for her, and ill abide by whatever she is ok with, im just glad she knows we are here, and if theres anything she would like to know, or any compacity she wants us in her life, is fine by us all. so maybe the evil ss has seen the last of me after all, but im sure they will miss my constant demands for info and updates! im half tempted to keep harrassing them for the hell of it, they dont know ive found her, and screaming and arguing with social workers is a passtime i admit im gonna miss. so to the social services depts of worcester, warwickshire, birmingham, gloucestershire, coventry, oxford, northampton, the london boroughs of barking & dagenham, barnet, berkshire, brent, bromley, bucks, camden, croyden,greenwich, harrow, havering, hillingdon, hounslow, islington, royal kingston, lambeth, lewisham, merton, newham, southwark, sutton, westminster, and the others 'GOODBYE!' its been an interesting ride amd ive met some great, helpfull, and wonderfull people along the way,they have given me support, ideas, and encouragement, for i know i would be in a nice padded cell mumbling to myself had i not met them. as always best wishes, lots of luck and love to you all, kel x

Rainey

Rainey Report 21 Jul 2005 21:12

hello everyone jess am so sorry to read of your problem some people hey, not nice at all. i havent been around for a while had my first meeting with my social worker and we filled out the forms needed for her to access my birth file that must have been about 6-8 weeks ago can anyone tell me how long it takes for my birth file to be released as i am getting a little impatient now. glad things are going nicely for everyone else. love rainey xx

Geraldine

Geraldine Report 21 Jul 2005 08:15

Dorothy It's really great to hear you've actually met your first birth family member and that you enjoyed her company. Hopefully, you'll meet your brother one day soon. Kelly I was wondering how you were going with your search for your sister and the dreaded SS, thanks for posting... love your evil cackle. I've given the aurthorities heaps over the years and it hasn't done me any good I'm afraid. Now when the new laws kick in in December I'm rather afraid they may want to get their own back... if they do I see them very unprofessional. My own search for my adopted brother is no nearer. I thought I had a possible lead from a very helpful GR member but his family member had a different date of birth. So like many other birth families I still live in hope we might meet one day before they shove me in the crate with Kelly's mother in law ;-)

Kelly

Kelly Report 21 Jul 2005 04:58

hi gang, jess sorry to hear about your crazy in law problem, maybe you could send her off in a crate with my mother in law! (worth a try! it would save me getting her something she dont like for christmas too!). anyways i toddled off to worcester social services yesterday the women ive waited the last 3 and a half weeks to meet got called into a meeting and blew me out nice eh? and the summary of information they promised and what they had put me off for over 3 weeks to do still werent done either. too my complete horror though i actually have something nice to say about them for a change. i got a replacement social worker who had been thrown in at the deep end and didnt have much of a clue about my case but she did her best to answer all my questions and gave me the information i hoped for that might move me on a bit in the great sister hunt as it has now become commonly refered to in my house lol. so the plod continues though a bit more in the right direction,,, and if the evil ss think they have heard the last of me............hahahahahahahaha (thats my evil cackle)......dream on. good luck and best wishes to all. ill be back.....mwahahahahaa kel xxx

The Bag

The Bag Report 19 Jul 2005 08:37

Bumped for Rosi Glow

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 18 Jul 2005 22:35

hello jess and every 1 im ok hope things have sorted themselves out for you jess not much news with me my family still keeping in touch for the moment i just take every day as it comes love to you all angie xxxxx

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Jul 2005 21:53

Kay has found us a site worth a mention. besides seemed like a good excuse to put this thread back to the front How is everyone? Jess x www(dot)adoptionmatch(dot)co(dot)uk ** I have signed up,(its free!) ...but can't actually get back in at the moment! lol

Morley

Morley Report 14 Jul 2005 18:39

Jess, sorry to hear about the insensitivity of your brothers wife! A few years ago the same thing happened to me but it was from my sister-in-law of my brother who is not adopted in my family ( two adopted then had two of their own!) I had to then explain to my youngest children (when I thought they were too young )the older children knew I chose the right time to explain to them. I thought my hand was forced as my nephew and neice might have told my little ones and they were about the same age! I know how angry confused and wonder of the motive, you are feeling! My sister in law said her reason was she did not keep secrets from her children and made me at the time feel I was wrong. But she could have waited until they were older as could yours have done. The only excuse I can give thoughtless people is that they have never been in this situation so can not know how deep and complex the feelings of aoptees are! You have my empathy, which your sister in law certainly doesn't have to give to you at this time! best wishes Ann

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 14 Jul 2005 17:47

hi jess realy sorry to hear your having family trouble.my children have always known i was adopted and oftern ask about my realy parents iv just been very honest with them about the situation and they accept how i feel about it all i dont think your been over sentitive i think your sister in law should think about other peoples feelings before she starts telling people,just my point of view,its a very awkward sistuation and i hope it sorts it self out lots of hugs angie xxxx

The Bag

The Bag Report 14 Jul 2005 08:01

I asked her 'why' - and she said they 'had a right to know'! Whilst I dont have a problem with them knowing, i do think they are too young -sometimes I dont understand the concept! At the age they are they need something tangiable to help them understand and for as long as she can't tell them who is/was/could have been their 'real Grandparent' i cannot see why she needs to blow apart their illusion. She says that if he wont find out, then she will! - At least I know that is beyond her capabilities because for as long as he doesn't know his birth name , how can she? Perhaps I am being over sensitive, I try to be the best Auntie I can be ( without going OTT) and love my neice and nephew to the end of the world...and back again Jess x

Ginny

Ginny Report 13 Jul 2005 23:17

Jess, that is terrible - my husband traced his birth mother a couple of years ago but his adopted parents were and will always be our daughter's 'real' grandparents.