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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

moe

moe Report 31 May 2005 16:31

Glad to see this thread back on top where it belongs! good luck to you all in your searches MOE!

The Border Reiver

The Border Reiver Report 31 May 2005 17:33

Hi Jess, I'm not an adoptee but I know that somewhere out there I have a couple of nephew/nieces that my little sister put up for adoption in the 60s/70s. I know little sister is not too interested in the past but if there are any adoptees born in the Edinburgh area in that time looking for a birth mother with the surname Tucker please point them in my direction. Good Luck with your quest. Friar

Unknown

Unknown Report 1 Jun 2005 15:27

Hi everyone, Hope you are all well. Just a quick note to let you know that I sent off for my sister's birth certificate, Dad's and Grandad's the other day. They all turned up today. My sister and I were born in the same hospital. I hadn't even realised that! It was on her certificate that I saw my Dad's signature for the first time. Wow, what a buzz. It was exactly the same buzz as when I saw Mum's for the first time. I know it sounds rediculous, but it's really starting to feel that Dad is my Dad. I already knew he was, but now it feels real. I had to laugh when I read on the certificate what his occupation was. It said ' arerial technician ' he missed out the DJ'ing part but I guess you can't have everything!! I have been trying to find Dad's brothers and sisters entries on 1837 but with no luck for some reason. I have looked twice. Either I'm blind or maybe they've been mistranscribed somehow. I don't know. It's nice to finally be putting all the information together and gaining my real family tree. I know everyone has a different take on who your real family is, but for me it is my birth family. I love hearing all the family stories although I haven't had many of Dad's side just yet. That will change once I move and I can them more often. Hope everyone's searches are going well. Stay positive Love Jules xx

Sue

Sue Report 1 Jun 2005 16:03

Hi Just got off the phone from my other social worker in Coventry and my adopted brothers mum has passed on the letter to him and he has rang her!!!!!! In a bit of shock at the moment will update when I calm down!!!!!!!!!!! Sue

The Bag

The Bag Report 1 Jun 2005 16:08

Wow Sue. What excellent news. Thought this thread was dying..an up you pop with that. Brilliant! look forward to hearing you say you have spoken to him. Things progressing then Jules?.Good for you. Jess x

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 1 Jun 2005 16:33

hi all its so lovely to see happy stories on this thread good luck jules and sue hope all goes well for you both god bless angie x

Unknown

Unknown Report 1 Jun 2005 18:07

Hope all goes well for you Sue. Thanks Angela. Best wishes Jules

The Bag

The Bag Report 2 Jun 2005 07:55

see we have some new adoptees about, <<< Whack>>>>to the top!! Jess x

*~*Beve

*~*Beve Report 2 Jun 2005 08:03

I have recently downloaded the form to apply for my Birth Cert - have filled it in and even put it in an envelope, with stamp, but I don't know why i can't seem to get it to the post box!!! My adopted mum died 2 yrs ago but somehow I feel disrespectful to her for looking for my birth mothers details, is this a normal feeling??? Beve

Sue

Sue Report 2 Jun 2005 10:34

Hi Beve, I think what you are feeling is quite normal,I found my birth mother ago and for some reason I am unable to tell my adopted parents.Sending off for birth certificates i did without a thought also leaving messages everywhere. UPDATE I have calmed down now!!!! I'll start from the phone call,the letter had been forwarded to my adopted brother and he rang my social worker in Coventry and has said that he would like me to write to him,I am not sure what I will put in it as I can't remember what I put in my birth mums 1st letter! It still hasn't sunk in yet i think,I only spoke to the lady in coventry on the 23rd may,so it has happened really quick! With this happening and the news about my file my feet haven't touch the ground. From Sue

*~*Beve

*~*Beve Report 2 Jun 2005 13:11

Thanks for that Sue, Like you I have left messages on various sites asking for information, I have my B/F name and a sibling (have met both by accident due to the adoption being within a step-family) but do not feel that they are very approachable. my sibling met me several times, I did not know her but she knew who I was and never told me - it was quite a shock when I realised who she was several years later when she attended our Birth grandfathers funeral, along with my birth father (I had my Birth family sat one side of the church and me with my adopted family sat the other (B/F has re-married and has new family) Its just that final piece of the puzzle - perhaps thats what holds me back, that knowing would be the final bit or fear of rejection. Beve

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 2 Jun 2005 22:09

hi every one just wondering if there are any adoptees who are still rejected my there birth mother or father me and my sister were adopted and still they want nothing to do with us,i suppose i am just the unlucky one i do have cantact with some of my birth family my 3 brothers and 2 aunties so not all is lost,its so lovely to read stories about birth familys been reunited especially mothers and daughters and daughters and dads angie x

The Bag

The Bag Report 2 Jun 2005 23:14

Hi Angela Spent the day today with my birth sister as it happens. we're best buddies!! jess

Dizzy

Dizzy Report 2 Jun 2005 23:41

Hello, thought I would say my little story (which still has my head spinning!) Always known I was adopted, but came out with that old chestnut 'It doesn't matter to me, as I have a fantastic family etc.'. I sent off for my file in 1999, which was a strange read. The strangest part was reading the report from the social worker saying that I had settled in well to my new home, and that it was sure to be a successful placement. The file contained lots of little bits of information that I already knew, but had forgotten about. Did some half-hearted searching at the Family Records Office, but without really knowing how to go about it, it was like a needle in the haystack. More purposefully, I picked up the gauntlet again recently. With some great advice from this site (thanks everyone!), I contacted Margaret Drummond (thanks Margaret!) to help me look up BM's birth certificate in Scotland. She came back with a family tree! I never realised my roots were SO Scottish!! And then with thanks to all of the information on the internet, I tapped it into the electoral roll and got an up to date address for BM's brother (my B Uncle). That is why my head is spinning!! What I have written doesn't include all of the stress, anxiety, heart pain that I have been through over the last X years re: adoption. I never expected to find an up to date address so 'quickly' - I know from my file that he knows all about me (actually he helped deliver me, as I was an unexpected home birth!!). So I am now in a situation where my family (the ones who brought me up) didn't know I was searching (I didn't expect it to all happen this quickly so didn't tell them!), and the equivalent of an unexploded bomb of an address in my hands. WOW! Godd luck to everyone with their information finding (the Social Worker I had was great), and their search. Liz

Unknown

Unknown Report 3 Jun 2005 09:06

Hi Liz, Wow!! Congrats for what you achieved already. I too, have been in the same situation as you. As in, I hadn't told my adoptive family about searching. My reasons were slightly different to yours but that doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about things. Everyone has different feelings and thoughts about the next step or two ie do I tell my adoptive parents just yet and do I make contact with a birth rellie first? Each decision is as individual as we are. You know yourself and your adoptive parents very well. Rely on your instincts to tell you what to do. We can only give our opinions and tell you our experiences, the rest is down to you. From my situation I held off telling my adoptive parents for a couple of reasons. Mainly because I knew they couldn't it if they knew (really long story) and secondly I couldn't see the point in it, if it turned out badly and my birth family wanted no contact whatsoever. They have been told since, about a month later after I met Mum's side of the family ( could have been later). I got what I expected from my adoptive parents but what I got my birth families far outweigh anything negative. Before I started my search I had decided that whatever the outcome it would be better to know all the facts, good or bad than to live the rest of my life wondering what if. Sorry if I'm rambling again guys! This is your search and you have to do what is right for you. YOu have to be comfortable with the choices you make. It's not going to be easy. At times it's going to be a little rough but you will get through it. We are here if you need us. All you have to do is shout. Wishing you all the best Jules x

The Bag

The Bag Report 3 Jun 2005 10:43

Hi Dizzy Lizzie, just to tell of the flip side, my adoptive parents knew i was looking and were behind me in that. My dear dear Dad managed to find out where I was meeting BM and was (I only found out later ) hiding in a nearby shop, in case there was 'fall-out' (i don't mean she and i falling out! lol) Apparently he followed us and lurked in the shadows and trotted off home once he saw me get back in my car and drive away. He never told me at the time that he had done this, but letit slip one day, right out of the blue. i asked him why- and his reply was ''Because we love you and always promised to take care of you '' I love you Dad, big as I am! Jess x

Dizzy

Dizzy Report 3 Jun 2005 11:11

Thanks Jess and Jules for your replies. Typing all of that last night made me realise a few things. Firstly that I have to make contact with the uncle. Being a bit of a believer in fate, it must be the right time to make contact, otherwise I wouldn't have found the address so quickly!! (Believing in fate can get me into some trouble at times!!!) Then I realised that before I make contact, I have to speak to my mum and dad. I don't feel like I want to have any more develop without telling them first. They must have guessed something by now!! And then working on the basis that I would hate for him to move / die / etc, I need to do it sooner rather than later. *gulp*!! And Jess, I loved your story! I bet your Dad was dying to tell you that he was waiting and watching so he could tell you he loved you. Liz

Sheila

Sheila Report 3 Jun 2005 12:21

Hi Folks! Just checking back in after my hols to see how everyone is getting on :O) Glad to see so much posative feedback on her. Sue, How's the letter writing going, how many drafts of it have you written so far? ;O) listen he has told your Social Worker he wants to hear from you, don't get to wound up about what to say to him, just break the ice and make first contact with him. I am sure any of us on her will help you if you need it. Good Luck! keep us informed on events. Bev, What your feeling is perfectly normal, I started my search when both my adoptive parents were alive, then went abroad and it went on hold, when I was in a position to carry on with it both my parents has passed on, and I also felt a little guilty, as I knew my mother always had a fear of losing me (as if!!). However, I realised they had both always wanted the best for me, and if I felt that I needed to investigate my roots then they would understand, they were and always will be my parents, but sometimes you need to find some answers to your questions, don't feel bad about this it in no way affects the way you felt about them. Hope all goes well for you, let us all know if you need any help with look-ups etc. You did say your sister had met you several times whilst knowing who you where, not all of them could have been by accident, you never know maybe she is waiting for you to make the first move, it has to be your deciscion though don't let anyone push you into it till you feel comfortable about it, maybe things may not turn out OK for you, its a risk we all take, but if you do not try you will never know, also you know they are aware of who you are, so that should make things a little easier. Hope so, let us know if we can help you also. and Lizzy, Glad to see Margaret has come up trumps for you, she is lovley isn't she, and she is a whizz on Scottish roots, knew she could help you. Reckon you go for it with your Uncle (nothing about your mother turned up?) if he was there for the birth he wont be shocked if you suddenly turn up will he ;O), but I can understand your shock at the moment reckon most of us go into this search expecting very little, if anything ,to come from it and to suddenly find your birth family so quickly can be a bit daunting! Although on a posative note he may be able to make the path a little easier to contacting your mother also. Maybe its time to talk to your parents they may even give some information that is not on your files that may help you, just remember to re-assure them how you feel about them, and this in no way effects your relationship with them, that you are just curious and feel you need to do this. Wishing you all the Very best of Luck, if any one does need any look-ups on the elecotoral roll let me know. Take Care for now. Sheila

Patricia

Patricia Report 3 Jun 2005 15:32

Hello All, I have read all your stories on this thread with tears in my eyes, and I wish you all good luck in your searches. Mine is a slightly different tale and I need some advice about what to do. I gave birth to my daughter in 1964, (father did a runner) so I had to face music myself. He did see her when she was born so did his family. but by that time my father was adament that he was not comming back into my life. In fact he was insisting I had her adopted. I fought tooth and nail to keep her, and with the support of my mother he was encouraged to change his mind, I then met someone else and married him, he adopted her and we had 3 other children. When we divorced in 1978 she was told the situation. She wanted to find her BF so I did all I could to help her, we did find him but he didn't want to know her as he hadn't told his wife and daughter about her. My daughter is now 40yrs old and has suddenly decided she would like to find him again, and has asked for my help, I havn't a clue where to start this time, he could be anywhere. Any tips would be of use. Pat

Unknown

Unknown Report 3 Jun 2005 15:35

Hi Pat, I am emailing you direct Jules