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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 16 Jun 2005 09:33

Jess calling Jules.... Come in Jules... are you ok flower? Jess x


Dizzy Report 16 Jun 2005 12:34

I sometimes get confused with all of the names but didn't Jules say that it was time for her to leave the board, so she posted a goodbye message? Might be 1-2 weeks ago. Liz


Sheila Report 16 Jun 2005 12:52

Hi Jess, Jules did say she was leaving thw boards :O( sent me an e.mail a couple of weeks ago, although she said she would still look in on out threads from time to time. Hope if your reading this Jules your keeping well and everthing is fine by you. Best Wishes Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 16 Jun 2005 22:04

Jules was about this morning and got herself in a bit of a tizzy, i think - misunderstanding etc.Just wanted to know she was ok. Jess


Dizzy Report 16 Jun 2005 22:55

This is probably going to be a long post! UPDATE! I sent the letter yesterday to my B Uncle - and have just come off the phone! (It took less than 24 hours for Royal Mail to get my letter to the other side of the country!) His daughter rang - which was a hard conversation initially. (She had looked up my phone number). She told me that he died in January, and her mum had passed the letter to her. She wanted to know how I thought we were related. I bluffed and waffled, saying I was new to this family tree stuff, and it was a name. She then gave a few names in history, which I said sounded familiar. She said that BM died when she was 38 (I would have been 7). She said that BM had 4 kids that she knew of, and asked me again my connection. I asked what her mum had thought when she received the letter - she said that she was confused by it and asked her to deal with it. She then asked me outright if I could have been her daughter, and took it well, when I said yes, I thought that was the case! Really nice conversation. She couldn't give me many details about my BM other than cause of death, and that 'she had her problems', but said that her mum knew her really well as they grew up together, so gave me the number to ring her on Monday. B.Uncles wife (her mum) knew nothing about me - he obviously kept the fact that he helped deliver me a secret!! Another aunty died also in her 50's - similar to both grandparents. Another aunty exists but she doesn't see her. So I have come off the phone reeling from the conversation!! Obviously, its not a family that does longevity! Everyone dies young! I wonder what happened to her other kids (my half siblings) as there was no obvious carers when BM died - cousin sounded vague on details about them. I have been given a phone number to ring the aunty (her mum) after the weekend. Left feeling particularly glad I was adopted otherwise I would have been an orphan at 7. Glad also that she died so long ago - I would have hated hearing that it was a few months ago, and I could have acted sooner. Sad that I can't speak to the B Uncle - but maybe that would have been too hard if he hadn't told anyone of my existence. And I have been left feeling confused about what I feel. Grieving for a woman I never knew? Cousin (who is 26 and very bubbly) seems to have taken my letter at its word. Any information that can be provided will be provided. Not too sure where that stands with emotional stuff and contact etc. I am bewildered!!!!! Thanks for reading and listening! Liz

The Bag

The Bag Report 16 Jun 2005 23:17

Liz- i guess you are overwhelmed! How nice of her to ring and be so open with you, after all she need not have been. sleep on it, and see what you feel in the morning, mixed emotions now, but tommorow things will be clearer. Do you have phone number to ring her back sometime (1471 now, quick!) Not really knowing who you were, she wasn't really prepared to tell you the facts, probably pretty gobsmaked herself. WILL be easier next time, and hope there will be a NEXT time love Jess x


Dizzy Report 16 Jun 2005 23:24

Thanks Jess, I am overwhelmed - so much information to take in, during one phone call. I am glad the aunty is going away for a couple of days so I get chance to think a bit, before I talk to her. By the way - why change from dog to rhino on your name?!! Liz

The Bag

The Bag Report 16 Jun 2005 23:41

Liz, have developed a thicker skin...dont ask...!


Dizzy Report 16 Jun 2005 23:54

ok! lol! liz


Sue Report 17 Jun 2005 12:01

hi everyone, just caughting up on all the messages and to sorry i havebt been around for a week or two,so much has happened I've found my brother and have just recieved his first letter and some photos,he's a giant compared to(6'4) me!!!!.He seems a really nice man and is really excited that i found him and wants to come and visit like 'yesterday'. I picked up my adoption file which left me a little confused on my birth fathers name but am over that now thank god! I am still recieving letters from birth mum which is going ok. My search now goes on to find my birth father if I can find two people in a year,I think I can find another one,it may take a little time but I think I am getting used to the waiting!! Hope everyone is ok From Sue


Julia Report 17 Jun 2005 12:22

If anyone was adopted and has and American serviceman father I may be able to help in tracing him/extended family. My mother is looking for her American or Canadian serviceman father and has been for years. Problem being her mother spelled the surname incorrectly! Just 'heard' it said rather than seeing it written down. We tried to trace her birth mother when she got her adoption file recently and found she had passed away in 2000. My mother was her only child. I am hoping to find other living relatives in the birth family but its seems most are dead. I may be able to help if anyone is being refused court records etc. I have a friend who challenged the courts successfully recently and the law was changed as a result I think. I do have some good contacts in this area so feel free to email me if I can help at all.


Julia Report 17 Jun 2005 12:41

If anyone wants any help in tracing American Serviceman fathers then please contact me. I also have a contact who can help as per getting adoption records from the courts if you encounter any problems. She challenged the courts and I think the law changed as a result. My mother was adopted and we have been looking for her USA serviceman father for some years. The problem we have is that her birth mother seems to have spelt the surname incorrectly. If I can help please let me know.


Patricia Report 17 Jun 2005 13:32

Hello all, I have been helping my daughter find her birth father, and thanks to the help on this board especialy from Shelia who gave a list of addresses, I have sent letters to all. This was last week, and we are still waiting for a reply. I hope I have done the right thing I sent it with my e-mail address, I thought if no luck I can change it easily enough. My daughter hasn't told her children anything about it, so she doesn't want anything going to her house or computer. Then I thought perhaps he's not computer litterate and sould have put address or phone number. Any ideas, Don't want to sit outside the house as if I recognise him he may recognise me. So will I suppose have to wait and see if anything turns up. Pat


Dizzy Report 17 Jun 2005 13:50

Hi Patricia, Sitting and waiting for your inbox to fill up must be hard. I guess you will be able to eliminate any people who respond with a no, and then go back to the letters stage - maybe use a friends address, or a mobile number - even buy a sim card for £8 and use it just for that purpose. I used a site called tracesmart - about £5 a search - but once it gives you all of the names and addresses of the Joe Bloggs, you can then look at each name to see who they are living with, if that gives you any clues. It also lists dates of birth for some of the names. Good luck anyway. Liz


Patricia Report 17 Jun 2005 14:08

Hello Dizzy Lizzy, Thankyou for that info I will go and try that site now. Best wishes. Pat

The Bag

The Bag Report 17 Jun 2005 14:48

Pat, he might not be , but are there still people in places that he would know, In order to find you, or her, if he wanted to? I guess if he really wanted to reply and only had an e-mail address he'd find a way of doing so (my dad for instance wouldn't have clue and would prob ask me to do it, or help him do it) That is the problem with playing cards close to your chest and not revealling very much (an address for instance). Hope he is. for your sake... Jess


Patricia Report 17 Jun 2005 15:11

Jess, Yes I konw but I don't want him on my doorstep, this is quite an emotional thing for me, but I don't want to let my daughter down. Liz, I looked at the tracesmart site, and it is now £14.95 per search. alot of money if there are a few people. Best wishes. Pat

The Bag

The Bag Report 17 Jun 2005 15:20

I'm sure it is Pat, don't imagine for one moment i think otherwise. Thinking of you as you turn yourself inside out with emotions - for the love of your daughter. You are a very special kind of person. Jess x Off to earn a crust now, else they'll be not even a crust for tea!


Sheila Report 17 Jun 2005 17:31

Hi Pat and Jess, If you need to know who is living with a person, please do not pay somewhere for the searches, I can do this for you no problem (providing the house occupants are 18 plus, I can even tell you who is at an address if you give me a poscode ;O) Pat could you not write again to the most likely ones have you not got a family or friend who got on with your ex, and would act as as intermediate for you both? that way he does not have to have your or your daughters address or telephone number till you feel comfortable giving it. Sue, Brilliant News about finding your brother, let us know how the re-union goes :O) If you get anything on your birth father let me know and I will see what I can do to help. Hi Dizzy, So sorry to hear your sad news guess your just about taking it all in, there are actually we sites I think maybe Norcap have one as well for adoptess who trace birth parents only to find they have passed on (donn't know if this would help you, also there are a couple of adoptees on here in the same situation maybe they can offer some advice. That said at least something posative has come from your search at least you have found your cousin and Aunt with all this, have a think over the weekend what you want to ask your Aunt maybe she can fill in some of the gaps for you, with growing up with you or BM at least tell you what she was like and who knows she may even be able to find you a photo of her. Anyway take care of yourself and let us know how things work out. Best Wishes Sheila


Patricia Report 17 Jun 2005 17:45

Hi Jess, I have had an e-mail reply to the letters sent last week, not from Julie's dad but from his brothers daughter who is also called Julie. She asked for certain information about Julie also her married name and address. I have shown Julie the e-mail when she came to pick up my grandaughter after work, I think we are both in a state of shock. I have e-mailed back but I have only put information about Julies birth and not her married name or address. As 4 letters where sent with the same name in Birmingham, this may not be the right one. So I have asked a specific question that only her dad will be able to answer. I hope I have done the right thing, I feel all at sixes and sevens. what an emotional roller coaster this is. Pat