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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 29 Apr 2005 14:32

Geraldine. i dont think anyone other than the adoptee is entitled to search that register and certainly not apply for her adoption certificate . you will not be able to cross refence the birth/adoptive name.That info is 'sealed'. I agree that they social services adoption dept are dragging their heels - hound them, although you might try one last, very polite and to the point letter to Carolyn, maybe even from your father ''please can you tell me the adoption agency that you used, or where it was''. I agree hounding will get you no-where - in fact prob tell untruths to get you off her back good luck, keep us informed! Jess

Geraldine

Geraldine Report 29 Apr 2005 13:33

Hi Kelly You could go to the Family Records Centre in London and view the index of the 'Adoption Children Register' As you believe you have a first name and you know she was adopted early in 1969 you may well find her on the index. If you feel you have a match then you can apply for her 'Adoption Certificate' and find her adoptive surname and family names and address (needle in a hay stack but it might work for you) It's my understanding when the laws change in December 05 searches made by the adoption agencies will cost a considerable amount of money. Given that your sister had already initated contact with her birth family...I personally think the social services were mean spirited by not contacting you sister on your behalf. If I were you I would approach them again as I believe they are just being lazy. Good Luck Cheers Gerry

Kelly

Kelly Report 29 Apr 2005 04:02

hi jess gerry shelia and everybody else . thanks for being wonderfull! i know my birth sister has been in touch with a social services dept because they contacted her birth mother carolynne on her behalf, though carolynne denied any contact and made it clear see wanted no contact in the future and still doesnt and has no information on her name now etc. i dont know which social services she used to do this but at this time she had recently found out she was adopted and had seen her file. she got my dads name and his old address from this file, carolynne said she had made sure my fathers details were placed in it should she ever want to find him then she could. and as she contacted his old address asking the people there if they knew him i believe this to be true. at the time she was searching for my dad she was living in the london area and had a son aged about 4, they also think her christian name now begins with 'V' with VICKY /VICTORIA being menetioned they they are not sure, this is what them at my dads old address can remember. i have written to every social services in the london, warwickshire and worcester areas, also adoption support for birmingham worcester and london. most have replied the only one ive had any results off is worcester social services which covers the redditch area. worcester social services did the pre adoption report in 1968, but the adoption was done privately and not through them, though they wont tell who did do the adoption, and are not prepared to contact my sister of forward a letter on my behalf till the law changes as they dont have the staff. the law change has now been put off again till 30th of december 2005, so i have to wait longer till they will do anything. my dad as this side of the family did not know about maxine till october 2004 when my aunt went shopping and ran into the couple who had purchased her parents old house, they asked if davids daughter ever found him? my aunt said what daughter he only has the one kelly (me), they said no the other one, and thats how all this started. my dad is getting on in age and not in the best of health so id like too find her sooner rather than later, even if she doesnt want contact id like her to know that we didnt know and as soon as we did we tryed everything we could too find her, she is loved and missed. i think she has stopped looking now though with the years that have passed and after being rejected by her birth mother i dont blame her, if the mother who knew dont want to know, why would the father who didnt. i have messages on the sites you mentioned shelia and check them regularly in case she has put one on there too. my dad hasnt had any contact with the birth mother since 1968 when he phoned hoping they could patch things up a few months after she dumped him, they had been together nearly 4 years when it ended. the birth mother doesnt want anymore contact with myself over this matter and thats fair enough im not gonna hound her and the rest of my family dont know where she is, which i think is a good thing cos some arent as nice or tactfull as i am, she told me the little that she knew was nice too me, she understood what i was doing and why and wished me well.... ....... so guys any ideas i could try that i havent yet?

Susan

Susan Report 28 Apr 2005 21:27

Hi If it is any help found birth mother father? and brother and sister. You may think great but it is a pain we come from very different backgrounds and have found it difficult to relate to them! No before you think it im not a snob or posh but have learnt to survive as adoptive mother was abusive and horrid! Adoptive father who i adored died when i was seven and i was blamed! It has been hard going and feel trapped.

Sheila

Sheila Report 28 Apr 2005 10:52

Hi Julia, Really pleased that things are going so well for you, it will be really nice for you to see a picture of your birth mother, guess its a basic instanct to know who we take after. Hopefully your birth mother will be pleased with you finding her, if not then you have tried your best, and at least you have found a part of your birth family that seem really pleased to have your back in the fold. Let us all know how you get on. Take Care for now. Sheila

Sheila

Sheila Report 28 Apr 2005 10:47

Hi Kelly, Right I take it you have checked this site out and made sure there are not entries under either your fathers name or her birth mothers name? (have you checked the TTF Board?) When you say you have put messages everywhere have you included these sites www.myfolks(.)co.uk www.lookupuk(.)com www.missing-you(.)net Don't worry the fact that she was actually searching for both her birth parents is in your favour, reckon Social Services and the adoption society will be more likely to help. First contact Social Services in Redditch Social Services (it may be necessary for your Father to do to this, but phone them first, they will be able to find out which organisation arranged the adoption). You say that she tried to make contact with her birth parents nine years ago, then maybe she has viewed her adoption files, and there may be a note on there about her actually searching for them, hopefully there will be something there that is more current in their notes, even if she has married if and they have to look for her current name the fact that they know she wants contact with you, will make them more likely to help. That has to be your first step to discuss their stance in this situation, dont worry these organisations are begining to be more flexable all the time, I have a feeling its only a matter of time before your find her :O)) In the meatime if there is anything that any of us on her can do to help you, only have to ask. Good Luck with your search. Sheila p.s. has your father any contact with Maxines mother? just wondering if she made contact direct herself if her mother would have her name, then we can help you looking through elecotoral rolls and marriage records, she may not want contact herself but she may be prepared to help your father make contact,it has to be worth a try.

Geraldine

Geraldine Report 28 Apr 2005 10:42

Hi Kelly I totallyagree with Jess and you should make contact with Social Services in the area of your sisters birth... they should be able tell you which adoption agency that hold yours sister's file. As she's already approached them her details should be on record. Hopefully they will contact her on your behalf. Good luck with your search. Cheers Gerry

The Bag

The Bag Report 28 Apr 2005 10:20

Hi Kelly, you are not disrupting anything...!! You know your birth sister has been in touch with social services and has tried to make contact with her mother- do you know which social services? Can they help you? They wont tell you her name but may pass on a letter to her, come back and tell us a bit more about how you know these things- how do you know she contacted her birth mother - do you know who she is then - presumably your dad does Jess x

Kelly

Kelly Report 28 Apr 2005 10:04

hi there, i dont want to tread on anybodys toes or disrupt this adoptee thread but i thought you guys might be the best people to ask for advice. i found out last october that i have a half sister who was adopted, it came as a shock as it did too the whole side of my family. my father knew nothing of the pregnancy or adoption, he got dumped and she told him she was seeing someone else, so he left her be, but really she was pregnant and been told to dump my dad by her parents who would 'take care' of the situation. they did and not my father or any of my family knew the she even igsisted things would have been very different had they known. my sister was born maxine charlotte white at warneford hospital leamington warwickshire on 22nd of october 1968. my sister was adopted privately in the redditch area of worcester early in 1969 to a family with 2 children already, her birth mother believes these children were adopted too. my sister contacted her birth mother through social services though the birth mother denied any contact and they never met. my sister tryed to find my father, his name was placed in the adoption file though never on her birth certificate, she tracked him too an old address but he had moved from england to wales years earlier, the people that now owned the house had phone calls from my sister running over a year and though those that owned the house knew my family they didnt know where we had gone, they changed there phone number and as a result the calls stopped. they now cant recall my sister name and phone number, as it happened around 9 years ago, a name would be very helpfull since it was changed during her adoption and we dont know what it is. social services keeps putting the date forward for the adoption related laws to be changed. ive placed ads everywhere i can think of, shes not registered with norcap or any of the adoption registers i have found, done ads in papers teletext etc does anybody know how or who did adoptions in redditch in the late 1960s? im all out of ideas but cant give up, any help, information, ideas no matter how crazy (though im saving going naked on trisha till i am totally desperate) (which is proberly only a matter of weeks away) please get in touch. kelly.hughes@blueyonder.co.uk thanks, and good luck to you all, x

The Bag

The Bag Report 27 Apr 2005 20:44

Bumped for someone that just messaged me.wont put your name, ... jess x

Julia

Julia Report 27 Apr 2005 08:03

hi Sheila i have spoken to my cousin a couple of times on phone, she has not spoken to b/m yet but she promised it wont be long, shes got to think how to tackle it . I am waiting for a letter from my cousin she is sending me photos of herself, her daughter and my birth mother!. I am also in touch by email with her daughter Emma my second cousin. We all seem to get on well, and are aranging to meet in a couple of weeks. They are as pleased as me to find some new family. My cousin says that even if my birth mother and brother dont wont to know, she will keep in touch with me. Julia xX

Unknown

Unknown Report 26 Apr 2005 23:01

1837 is a pay per view website to look up births deaths and marriages. Am emailing the web address direct to you. Jules

Martin

Martin Report 26 Apr 2005 21:13

can someone pleasre tell me what 1837 is and is it a lookup for births and deaths

The Bag

The Bag Report 26 Apr 2005 21:07

nice to see this thread back on the front page. I guess adoption and the issues surrounding it is one of those things that takes time. At least all the latest news is good - No movement in my court at all.Guess it's pretty well done and finished.; and end of story. Jess

Sheila

Sheila Report 26 Apr 2005 20:35

H Suzanne, I am so pleased for you!!! Told you he just needed a little time to get his head around everything, but so glad for you he has now been back in touch :O) I hope you have a fantastic re-union and no doubt tears will be shed on both sides, see it's true never give up, there is plenty of help on this site if you get stuck and lots of information availabe from our members. I wish you both all the Very Best for the Future, drop us a line though, and let us all know how you get on :O)) Sheila Hi Julia, Any news from your cousin yet? has she approached your birth mother yet, or is she waiting to find the right words? Hi Shelli, Any news from your end yet ? have you been in touch with Darryl? Will be keeping my fingers crossed for both of you.

moe

moe Report 26 Apr 2005 20:22

Thanks to everyone expecially wendy and joan who replied to my quest to find out what SeeD 26 meant. (see page 16 of this thread for info. I found my mothers birth/adoption registration. It meant see dec 1926 (just to help anyone else)My mother was adopted 4 years after her birth. grateful always MOE!

Suzanne

Suzanne Report 26 Apr 2005 17:01

HAD TO AMEND THIS...DIDN'T REALISE MY FRIEND WAS STILL LOGGED ON) So this is from the real me!!! lolol Hi Everyone This is a very big THANKYOU to all those who have helped and supported me in the search for my father. Some of you know I found him and that he wouldn't speak to me the night I rang. Last Thursday I posted a letter, giving a brief resume of my life....and last night I got the telephone call I have been waiting for. He introduced himself as my Dad...we chatted for an hour and have arranged to meet in a little under three weeks. I would encourage anyone searching.... to never give up. I have been searching for twenty years...and I was told six months ago that he had died. He is 79, I'm 36...and we have so much to catch up on! It has been a bumpy rollercoaster of emotions...but definitely worth it despite every tear shed. No doubt there will be more of those when we meet. Thankyou again. Suzanne***

Susan

Susan Report 26 Apr 2005 16:53

Hi Everyone This is a very big THANKYOU to all those who have helped and supported me in the search for my father. Some of you know I found him and that he wouldn't speak to me the night I rang. Last Thursday I posted a letter, giving a brief resume of my life....and last night I got the telephone call I have been waiting for. He introduced himself as my Dad...we chatted for an hour and have arranged to meet in a little under three weeks. I would encourage anyone searching.... to never give up. I have been searching for twenty years...and I was told six months ago that he had died. He is 79, I'm 36...and we have so much to catch up on! It has been a bumpy rollercoaster of emotions...but definitely worth it despite every tear shed. No doubt there will be more of those when we meet. Thankyou again. Suzanne***

The Bag

The Bag Report 24 Apr 2005 17:40

Bumped for Susan Stokie - a bit of reading for you!! Jess

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 23 Apr 2005 19:38

Nothing to do with the previous postings on this thread, but I thought it was interesting: A Gallup Poll taken in 1954 asked the question: Do you approve/disapprove/strongly disapprove/don't have an opinion of Unmarried Mothers. The result was that 98% strongly disapproved of Unmarried Mothers. The same Gallup Poll question was asked in 2004 and the results were: 2% of the population strongly disapproved of Unmarried Mothers. A complete and utter turnaround of opinion in 50 years. Marjorie