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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Apr 2005 20:42

nudge

Suzanne

Suzanne Report 14 Apr 2005 14:17

Thanks Jules & Sheila I have already sent two e-mails...the original and an update. I don't want to harass her....... I'm just not sure whether she can do anything with the info I have. Thankyou for your reply... Sorry Joan...I'll be more patient! Suzanne***

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Apr 2005 14:03

Suzanne, Joan at my folks usually gets in touch as soon as she can. It could just be that she is up to her arms in a search at the moment. you could always just drop her an email on here. Just scroll down the messages until you come accross Joan Allen's name, then click on her name and type away. Hope this helps Jules Lou, Glad all is going well for you. Jules xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Apr 2005 13:42

Jess You're my cyber sister, babe, you've held my hand thru all this and you were actually the first person I rang when we got home! Jules Hubbie is totally cool about it, in fact he chatted to D has much as I did yesterday and she asked him all about his family and what he did job-wise. Then he sat sorting out her mobile phone cos she couldn't turn the predictive text back on! I've been upstairs this morning and sorted out some pics of the kids to send her as promised, she's said she'll ring me sometime over the weekend for a chat and then we'll arrange to get together when she gets back from her holiday to Spain! Lou

Suzanne

Suzanne Report 14 Apr 2005 13:39

Hi All I am just wondering...has anyone used the site Myfolks??? I was not adopted, but I am searching for my natural father. Kimberley put me on to the my folks site...and I posted a message and sent some info to the two ladies mentioned. Do they acknowledge your request....I only did it 5 days ago...and I know searching doesn't happen overnight....it's taken me ten years to get the info I have got...lol....but...I was wondering whether they had received the info and whether they would consider helping??? Suzanne***

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Apr 2005 13:33

Hi Lou, I am so happy for you that you have now had the chance to speak to your b/m face to face. I think it is a totally different experience than just being on the phone or email. I really do hope that this is just the start of a wonderful relationship together. How is your husband taking the news? It can be a little strange for a partner to at first get to grips with everything but things do start to settle after the first four weeks. I wish you all the best Lou to you and your family love Jules x I have been reunited with b/m's side of the family for 11 weeks now and things are going well. We are still learning about each other every time we see each other. There is plenty to talk about including the skeletons in all our closets! No family would be complete without those!! Dad's side of the family has more than it's fair share of those. Many of which I yet have to hear. My little brother has been in touch with Grandad recently and has accepted his older sister well. I must admit that I was a little worried not for myself but more for the memory of his father. He is going to stay with Grandad for a few days at the beginning of May along with his girlfriend. I only hope I can get to meet him. It is a weird thing looking at the photos of him and seeing a part of me looking back. It's extraordinary. I am going to have to ask Grandad to teach me a little something to say to Andrew in Dutch if I get the chance to meet him! Unfortunately languages are not my best forte unlike my Dad and Grandad who can speak 3/4 not including english! Hope everyone is ok. Take care Love Jules x

The Bag

The Bag Report 14 Apr 2005 13:13

It was pleasure. I was so pleased for you, and so relieved it all went well.Was really flattered to think that I mattered enough for you to want to talk to me about it. I am glad you are so realistic in your approach, and attitude.So many get so 'high' on what they have found it's a hell of a long way to fall if it doesn't work out. Bet you all slept a lot better last night, what with teeth , tantrums and nerves the night before... What next? :-) Jess x

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Apr 2005 11:43

Hi All I haven't posted for a while cos I've been chilling, getting my head round everything (oh, and chewing Jess's ear on the phone for over an hour....thanks for that, hon!). Well after a couple of very long phone calls and several text messages, I met up with BM for lunch yesterday. It was both amazing and surreal cos although we met in quite a busy crowded cafe bar, neither needed to wonder who we were looking for. We are so alike we recognised each other instantly. Same eye colour, same facial structure, same height, same build and same curls (which I've always hated!). Apparantly I'm also the image of my younger brother but in her nerves, she had forgotton to bring any photos to show me! We spent over 4hrs just talking, chatting and laughing and I only had to leave then cos I had to go and collect the children from nursery before 6pm. I wont go over the entire 4hr conversation but I will post this little bit cos I remembered last night that I'd forgotton to tell you this bit, Jess. We went back over the reasons for my adoption and she told me her feelings towards her mother afterwards, how she was seperated from my older brother (who was only 13 months old at the time) for the last 4 months of her pregnancy cos she was shipped off to stay with an aunt so the neighbours wouldn't talk. The aunt was 'wicked' (her words) to her, making her scrub floors and clean windows etc and if she didn't feel up to it or the aunt didn't consider the job had been done properly, she refused her meals. And how hard it was once she was back home after having had me cos not only was she dealing with the pain of having given me up, but my brother had no idea who his Mummy was by that point and her mother used it as blackmail. Anyway, we're going to talk in the next few days and then she's off on holiday for 2 weeks. Once she gets back, hubbie and I are going to go over to see her at her place and take the children but in the meantime I've promised to post her some photos and she's going to send me some of her late husband and of my brothers. Despite yesterday going so well, I'm trying hard not to get too over excited at the moment cos from reading other people's experiences, I know how easy it is to get off to a flying start and then it dwindle into nothing and then all contact ceases, but we had a lovely afternoon and it was wonderful to finally meet her and give her a hug and know that some of my quirky traits (like my obsession with cleaning and decorating!) come from her! Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Apr 2005 12:14

bumped for Gordon ~Jess~

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Apr 2005 08:35

have they given your friend a reason why they can't supply her with the info from the file - although she will be extremely lucky if it contains anything about a sibling,although given that it was a twin it might. ~Jess~

Maureen

Maureen Report 13 Apr 2005 05:08

Hi there. Have been helping elderly lady born 1927 who was adopted. Found she had a twin sister. Know her birth name that is all and various other info on birth mother. Even at 77 years old the Social Worker she has had to visit has not been able to get the Westminster Courts to open the complete file on her adoption. She desperately wants to know if her sister was adopted and her adopted name. She may well still be alive and my friend would obviously love to see her before it's too late. I thought we had 'a Right to Information' act now in force but apparently the 'Data Protection Act' is also in force and this can stop the info being given. Help please anyone - how can we get round this situation before it's too late. Mopenn

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Apr 2005 23:07

So, someone else has found their father, Good on Sandra. actaully this is my excuse to bump this back to the front, where Joan can find it! ~Jess~

Unknown

Unknown Report 12 Apr 2005 13:12

Thank goodness for that! Do you think your Registrar friend could investigate whether any of my birth family have left lots of money that I don't know about! Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Apr 2005 13:09

Not mis-lead , just gave one or two of us food for thought maybe. no problem at all, Thanks for getting back to us. I did wonder how.. ~Jess~

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 11 Apr 2005 22:20

Okay folks. Spoke to my Registrar friend about this today. He cannot imagine where I got this information from (and neither can I, now, I have been racking my brains all day, seem to think it was on the telly, but who knows? It made an impression though at the time) The only time a Registrar would check the parentage of an adopted person is at their express request when they are applying to marry. No routine checks are done. As he said, registration is a record that a marriage took place. If, by some means, a couple later found out that they were related, because of separation at birth for instance then the marriage would be technically invalid. But, as he also said, they don't exactly go around searching for these cases. And, finally, you do have to sign a declaration to say that you know of no cause, etc. - everyone does, adopted or not. Sorry to have misled you, but I shall now go mad trying to remember when/where I heard this info. Marjorie

Donna

Donna Report 11 Apr 2005 06:52

hi everyone i have some brill news remember i was going to write to my nans husband i do not think that he got the letter but yesterday i contacted somebody who had my nan in there tree on genes they got back to me we had a really good chat they have promised to get back in contact with me we swapped telephone numbers they have been searching for my dad and his brother but with out any look I have anouther question for somebody my dad had a sister who was also addopted who has been trying to make contact with my dads side how do i find her ,my dads step brother said that she had changed her name when she was addopted and when she turned up only some of them wanted to know there is only a few of them who did meet her any ideas ,also my nan had 13 kids poor lady lots of love donna x

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 10 Apr 2005 18:58

Just seen this thread - I will check my information with my Pet Registrar tomorrow and post a reply tomorrow evening. (I think it must be as Lou says, the Registrar checks, perhaps, birth-dates?) Marjorie

Unknown

Unknown Report 10 Apr 2005 11:36

As I also replied to Andrew's thread, I was never asked whether I was adopted when I got married either. I produced my birth certificate as proof of identity but no-where on that does it state that I was adopted. The only thing I could come up with is that once they have the details from your certificate they check it with the GRO indexes to see whether it is an adoption or not cos, as you all know, our names now wont show in the indexes. On saying that, the gist of Andrew's thread was that men can be father's without knowing it so even establishing that WE were adopted does not necessarily mean that we're not marrying a sibling, especially cos in the majority of adoption cases, the father is not named on the cert. I know that both of you, Jess and Liz, know who your birth father was, but I don't have a clue about mine. How does the GRO establish that my future husband is not somehow connected to the man who fathered me? It automatically assumes that the person we are marrying knows who his biological father is. They might think they do but are they right? With my first husband I would say without a shadow of a doubt, yes, he did. With my current partner and knowing his mother as I do (and the things that she has told me that other members of the family don't know), I'd say that it's a possibly, rather than a definitely! Certainly food for thought! Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 10 Apr 2005 08:33

I've cut and pasted this from Andrew Grays thread about fathers, Marjory looks in on this thread I know, and hope that maybe she'll come back and tell us more, some of us are curious- and didn't know this was the case and wonder how it can be; ...........The risks are no greater than for two siblings who have both been adopted out, although I understand that the Registrar General must ALWAYS approve the marriage of someone who was adopted - the original registers are consulted to ensure there is no blood relationship between the two parties. This is discreetly done of course.............. I only ever produced my adopted certificate when i married( if i produced one at all), was never asked if i was adopted. ~Jss~

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 10 Apr 2005 02:34

Nudge - because I want to help everyone find their 'roots'. Love Joan