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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 3 Apr 2005 09:47

Donna - in a word the 'adopted' one Jess

Donna

Donna Report 3 Apr 2005 09:33

hi everyone how are things going with everybody?, i have been asked a question by a lady on genes if she sends off for her sister in laws birth certificate who was addopted will she get her original birth certificate or her addopted certificate ,I thought the original birth certificate was only available to the person who was addopted maybe wrong could somebody advice me Jess I need your help again sorry lol Jules I am sorry that things are going wrong for you at the mommment I hope things will soon get better for you soon hi to everyone new on this thread nice to read all of your storys Jess and lou anymore look with your mom and brother? well got to go for now but take care everyone lots of love donnaxx P.s still no contact off my sisters ,Jess i think you are right we are in the same boat

Unknown

Unknown Report 2 Apr 2005 22:40

Thanks to all who have emailed me direct about above upset. As yet I haven't phoned or emailed this person who we all know as I feel it is inappropriate to do so until all the facts are in. I am still away until tomorrow and shall pop in here before I leave to see if the said person leaves a msg for me explaining why. I'm not as upset as I was but am fed up of people taking the michael. I trust someone and then they hit me where it hurts. Most people could brush this off. I can't. I suffer badly with depression. And I mean badly. I don't want any sympathy. I'm just trying to express why I am so upset. I have been betrayed by all who I have trusted. It's too complicated to get into. Thanks again to all who sent msgs on/off thread. It's nice to know that you're with me. I'm off to bed now. Catch up with you soon. Take care Love Jules xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 2 Apr 2005 21:25

Jules.I have expressed concerns about what you plan to do but Its YOUR journey its YOUR right to call the tune YOUR right to say who should know what and when. It YOUR LIFE If this 'friend' has betrayed you in anyway shape or form then you are right to be angry with them.Hopefully the rights can be put wong and the person that is interfering will come forward, appologise to you and explain their reasons why they did what they did. thinking of you , don't get too upset until you know that facts Jess x

Sheila

Sheila Report 2 Apr 2005 20:52

Hi Becky, Glad to see your making progress if any of us on here can help in any way let us know. Jules I have e-mailed you I hope your feeling a bit better now, hopefully its a mis-understand that you and your friend can resolve. Sheila

Unknown

Unknown Report 2 Apr 2005 20:12

Hi Jules I can't believe that someone would do that especially in such an underhand way and without speaking to you first. I didn't give an opinion on your decision although I did agree with the concerns expressed by other people for whatever reason. BUT at the end of the day, you're a big girl and you are more than capable of making your own decisions. Ditto your own mistakes. If it works out then that is fantastic. If it doesn't, then you know that we are all here anytime you need us. Best of luck, hon Lou xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 2 Apr 2005 19:27

Hi Sheila, I don't know all the facts of the email except that there is some concern. I have trusted this person (on this site) and feel betrayed. How do I know if this person have contacted my adoptive family or anyone else for that matter. That is my decision to tell people what I want and when I want. No one has the right to ride roughshod over me and my decisions, even if they think them foolish. If they think that, then they should speak to me direct not someone I have just found. I feel really upset at this. I will see the email for myself before I do anything else. Sorry for the moan. Jules xx Becky, Glad to see you may have some news to look forward to! Good luck and stay positive. Jules xx Hi Rainy, Hope you get your file soon. stay positive Jules xx

Rainey

Rainey Report 2 Apr 2005 19:19

hi everyone glad to see everyone is doing ok, and good to see that there are a couple of guys on here as well, i'm doing ok am going to contact joan on monday she tried phoning me but my landline is playing up, so if its not fixed by monday i shall put more credit on my phone and give her a call, still no sign of my adoption file, have phoned smedley hydro about it and they still say they are running behind this is so frustrating, as i want to know information surrounding my adoption, i dont think its going to be to good, by something i have been told over the last couple of days, by two people. i was told that i was in need of a lot of love and care, and my adopted brother told me that my mum and dad told him that i had a few issues, i have also learnt that i went into laneswood childrens home via social services, be it good or bad i still want to know EVERYTHING i feel i have this right love to you all lorraine

Sheila

Sheila Report 2 Apr 2005 19:07

Hi Jules, It depends what the friend said in her e-mail, are you sure she wasn't just offering her Best Wishes to you all. Sheila

Unknown

Unknown Report 2 Apr 2005 17:51

jess i have emaileed you direct. thanks

The Bag

The Bag Report 2 Apr 2005 17:18

Jules who that you tryusted mailed who - message me, cos want to helpbut dont really understand the question - sun is addling my head!!

Unknown

Unknown Report 2 Apr 2005 16:55

glad to see more troops arriving to join our ranks! ha ha Been trying to relax and not doing that badly, 'but could do better' where have I heard that before???? Anyway, I should be home again tomorrow. Well, that is to say, I'll be back at the house I currently reside in tomorrow. Planning to stay with family for a week or two shortly so that I can seriously start looking for a home here. The thoughts of going back are seriously depressing. I don't want to go back, to tell you the truth. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side but they can't be any worse than what I'm having to live with back there! Anyhow, i'm off now. I have something to work out.... if someone you classed as a friend suddenly sent an email to a relative u had just been reunited with, after only just being on the phone the night before with this friend telling them what has happened since u last spoke. what would u think? bear in mind this friend is someone u trusted. wot would u do? as far i know this friend hasn't done this before. can anyone give me some advice pls jules

Julia

Julia Report 2 Apr 2005 13:10

Hi everyone, Jess lovely to hear about your sister, you sound really close. I have some great news, one of my half sisters has emailed me several times now. I did not think they wanted to know, but they were shocked to learn about me as they never knew of my adoption. The one that is contacting me is the youngest of the three, she never mentions the others, but i am happy to be in touch with at least her. She has given me lots of info on my Birth dads family, and the most exciting thing is she has emailed me some pictures of My Dad!!!.(he died 1977 i was only 16 so would not have been able to trace him.)HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY Julia X

The Bag

The Bag Report 2 Apr 2005 12:38

Only guessing, nothing more... Wonder if the child was aged 8 when they were adopted, and BW the reigistrar? ONLY A GUESS!! ................................................................................... having thought about Gerri's message a bit more, and laid and thought about it late into the niht in my bed........ Isn't that why we adoptees look? to see what might have been/could have been, and then evaluate where and who we are now? Joan describes Gerri's sisters life as 'not having been a bowl of cherries' presumably it wouldn't have been had she been kept. Don't know. Might have been better, might have been worse. maybe gerri wouldn't have happened if her sister had been kept.. I wouldn't have had the pain of my brother dying had i been adopted by someone else, or he by someone else, not mum and Dad Its all stitches in the Tapestry of life - one stich in the wrong place or in the wrong colour and the picture changes. Jess

Still Searching !!!

Still Searching !!! Report 2 Apr 2005 12:27

Hi im wondering if anyone can maybe explain what this may mean. On a birth cert we have ( child was adopted) were it says adopted by the side of it EIGHT. B.W is wriiten. Does anyone know why or what this may mean? Many thanks.

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 2 Apr 2005 03:23

I think that what Gerri is trying to say is that athough adoptees are believed to go to a 'better life' that is not always the case. Her half-sister has had problems coming to terms with being adopted and life, for the adoptee, has not been a bowl of cherries. Gerri, I think, is hurting on behalf of her mother for what her half-sister is feeling but will not reject her for feeling like she does. Gerri is very supportive of the half-sister who was adopted but it is not plain sailing. I know, it was me who got them together. Gerri is saying, and has said to me, that she has learnt a lot about adoptees feelings by reading the messages on here and understands a lot more now about how the person on the other side of the coin may react/feel. Sorry, Gerri, if I have got it wrong but I think that is how you are feeling. Give me a good old rollicking if I am wrong in any way. Much love and here for support always, you dehydrated, brown, belly aching, old prune!!!! You said it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another point, also made by Gerri, is that what you read is not always read in the tone/stresses of voice as it is typed. Try and read things lighlty with a perky voice rather than a dull monotone and any message may be 'heard' in a different way. Joan

The Bag

The Bag Report 1 Apr 2005 23:27

gerri, i am not taking offence..but i am not sure really what you are saying? :-( =? Jess

MrsBucketBouquet

MrsBucketBouquet Report 1 Apr 2005 23:15

Im just back from my Hols and have been trying to catch up on all the happenings and gossip. While on Hols I got chatting to a lady and told her of when I found my adopted Sister on here. She told me that she herself was adopted....... I bet you can imagin how long we chatted.....lol We were splashing in the sea at the time and now I have a beacon for a nose....lol anyway.... She told me horror stories about her adopted Mum. (1) She was put on display when friends came round. (2) When ever she was naughty, she was told that she would turn out like her birth Mother, a whore! (3) When she had her 1st boyfriend she was told that her REAL mother entertained the troops during the war dont let a man touch you like SHE did. I couldnt believe my ears and yet this 'Mother' loved her adopted daughter!!!!! (yeah right!) This lovely lady is 64 now and has only just seen her file but has decided she does'nt want to look any further. She has seen her roots and is happy with that. Her words were......'fulfilled' 'Tidy' This is not the first adopted person that has told me things like this :o((( I find it so sad that a girl/woman for whatever reasons decide to put her own feelings aside and make that awful sacrifice to give up her baby so that that child can have a better chance in life only to now learn that this sort of thing has happened to that very special gift. YES a gift! In a way Im glad OUR Mum never got to hear any of this. I was'nt adopted, my sister was but I saw OUR Mothers grief over the years and saw how she coped with it. Before finding this thread I never knew the adoptees side......I do now :o((( Theres always two sides to every story girls n boys. I cant remeber the exact words by John Lennon but they go something like this...... 'Life passes you by while your busy making other plans' Please dont any of you take offence by this..... I'm jet lagged, old fat n ugly, the Hotel was on a great site. The food was awful there was NO evening entertainment (went to bed at 10 every night) and Im sick of visiting the toilet (thank god Boots was doing 'buy one get one free' of Imodium. I look like a walnut! (brown n wrinkly) lol Gerri (off her high horse now) xxxxxxxx :o))

Sheila

Sheila Report 1 Apr 2005 22:20

Hi Ian, Welcome back, no problem send me the info in your own time, your birth records will be your adoption records, what they will tell you I cannot say, each persons seems to have different experiences on this from very basic information to letters and facts e.g. details of siblings etc. My records we quite basic, health reports, reports by social worker regarding my parents application,reason for adoption, also stated that twins had previously been adopted. My younger sisters was given letters from our B/mother written to her sister (unfortunatly they have lost touch 40 years before but she was able to meet our aunt and cousins before we found our bmother.(so as you can see each case varies a lot). If your adoption was 1977 this will mean you do not need counselling and so save some time, but unfortunatly as the letter say its takes a few months to view them :O( If you need any help with anything on here just ask. Good Luck! Sheila Colin, I have e-mailed you direct

The Bag

The Bag Report 1 Apr 2005 21:49

Hi ian, glad you came back. Hopefully Colin will be insprired by you and what you are doing (see, not just a girl thing!!) and stay with us. Glad you have Mum on your side. If she is supporting you in finding out your 'roots' although she finds it upsetting, i am sure she'd be glad that you were asking and being open rather than secretive. Bet she kept it all in case you ever asked! Give her a big hug...and never refer to the woman you are seeking as MUM when talking to her.Find out the womans name and use it- works for me anyway! Your birth records are in your adoption file, as well as papers relating to the court hearing etc (if you are lucky). Bet your lovely mum has copies of most of it.... Love Jess x