Genealogy Chat

Hi I was talking to my friend about finding my birth family and she told me her mum wanted a chat. I talked to her and found out that she is adopted as well. She asked me if I could look on here to see if I could find her birth family. All she had was her birth name and date of birth. I put her details in and wham immediate hit. I have now contacted my friends mum and she wants me to msg for her so I have what an excellent site this is!

nudge

Adopted..........sometimes i wish i was........fostered umpteen times......never acctually belonging anywhere until i had children of my own. There doesnt seem to be easy answers when ther is no adoption paperwork, not that i dont empathise with adoptees. Sharon

Need some help writing a letter- 3 weeks on and many attemps later to get it 'just right' I am still struggling to write an appropriate letter to my half brother birth mother, and it is about my only hope of finding him. Anyone had an successes and can suggest anything appropriate to include?, i've tried the 'friendly' and ' just the 'bare facts and a polite request' but nothing look or sound right. help..... jess

Please nudge this on a reglar basis. Very important to adoptees.

Hi Everyone, Just to let you all know that 192(.)com is free for the next few days while they update the site. You can search the electoral rolls for 2002/2003/2004. Mary

Elizabeth All sorts of emotions will suface- because he is basically a changed person, changed in where he fitted into the great plan of things. I have birth siblings and adopted siblings - my adopted brother will always be brother No 1- even if birth brothers came first in terms of age. Confused? Well, you are well on the way to understanding his feeling.Keep on doing just that -trying to understand things he wont even understand himself yet be there for him We that have been there do understand, sit HIM in front of the computer and we'll always talk to him if he wants, or to you, anytime. jess x

My husband has just recently traced his birth family via Joan Allen (lovely lady|) and has come home tonight having spent the weekend with them. Very emotional. Many tears. Very hard to deal with the downside of the addrenilil rush. Too much information for him to take in. Loves his sister to bits!!. has three full brothers and 1 full sister. Find it very hard to help him deal with his feelings. Up one minute and down the next. Wish I'd been with him but he wanted to deal with this on his own. Feel very emotional. Want to help him but dont know what to do for the best. Any advice please. Regards Libbyxx

i only had that thought today they would'nt have the downs name. it's the right d.o.b they're my mums aunties don't understand how they were brought up as sisters!!! any ideas??

There is a very helpful support group for anyone who has been rejected, mainly adoptees who have traced their birth families, but also anyone who has been rejected following a family separation: www.rejection-network.org They have been really great to me and helped me through a very difficult time. The two ladies who run it are Catriona and Carolyne, and are lovely. Mandy x

help with adoption i've just started doing family tree and been trying to find my great nan lily olney. i had my nans d.o.b and her two sisters which everyone believed to be true i looked them all up 1837online and they all have different mothers!! they all have downs as surname and were brought up as sisters. my nan was the youngest so i was wondering if the other two were adopted and if so what could i do?

Bumped for Michelle, just in case she looks in tonight jess x

Hi guy's, found some of your comments and stories interesting. I am in my 50's and although I had always known I was adopted I never wanted to trace until just over 12mths ago. At the end of 2003 I began my quest,within 2mths I had found my BF on my mother' sides. Unfortunately my mother had passed away 7mths before I made contact. But I found my siblings all 5 of them!!! We have just just celebrated our first aniversary and as they put it my 1st Birthday. It's been a long weekend and I have met even more family members. I now know who I was not just who I had become. I realise that not every one has a happy outcome and that I am extremely fortunate with my mother's family. I have begun to trace my father's side and am aware of 4 more siblings. However contact is difficult. I know exactly where my father's widow is, but, feel it would be grossly unfair to contact her to get to my siblings. This woman is in her late 80's and I would think she would know nothing about me. If that was the case I would like her to go to her grave with the memories thet she already has of my father. If anyone is thinking of tracing I would say do it rather than wish you had. As a result of my tracing and subsequent explanation of the process to my friend, she, has now started the process of trying to trace the son she gave up 40yrs ago. She thought he would have been given details after one phonecall or,maybe he just did not want to know. At the moment the jury is still out for her. To any B mother, don't give up hope it took me sometime to get started. There is always a chance that your child could be a 'late developer like me'. To any adoptive family, don't be frightened. You may even be delighted with what is found and even if you are not, your child will always still be yours. I didn't know how my mum who is in her late 80's would react. I enlisted the help of my godmother to tell her as it was apparently her father who had set up my adoption. My mother just looked at the picture of my B mother and didn't say anything, it took a couple of weeks before she started to ask me questions, some of which I genuinely could not answer. Since meeting my siblings she now has an extended family who adore her, visit her and invite her to their homes and have her join in their celebrations. This for her has been an unexpected but very welcome joy. To any adoptee, go for it, but, get support like the After Adoption service. I have questions that can never be answered and that is someting I have to live with. If I had started my quest sooner maybe I would have had answers. Maybe they would have been truthful or rose tinted or maybe I would still be asking and not getting a response. Finally, who ever you are whether birth family, adoptor or adoptee what ever you chose to do do it with sensitivity and care. Treat other as you would like to be treated. Regards

When I went for a drive around the town where my birth family lived last Sunday I found myself outside the house where they lived. It was the same house that is on my birth certificate. It is so hard to descibe the strange sensation in your stomach, heart and head! It's very bizarre. I think the strangest thought I had was that I could have lived there with my mum. I guess it's not that strange really. More the fact of the silly things that pop in your head when these things happen. It was on this day that I met my mum's best friend, Brenda for the first time. We had spoken on the phone and chatted on messenger a few times. But to meet her in the flesh was....brill. My mum had died when I was eight but feel glad she thought of me everyday and wish she could have turned back the clock. I know that from the moment I was told that I was adopted all I wanted was for my mum to come and get me. Mum and I are very similar in many ways except looks. I'm more like her sister Chris. And Chris' daughter looks more like my mum! I truly have come home. It has taken me almost 31 years to do it but it's the best feeling in the world to home at last. I only wish everyone could have the wonderful outcome I have had. I know I am truly lucky to have such a wonderful family who had waited for me for so long and welcomed me back with open arms. In fact I have just celebrated my first birthday with them this weekend. We had a party and a total blast! It's just a shame we had come home.

Went to St Albans yesterday- and 'stood in the places' where my birth parents had stood in years gone by. Was a strange feeling, but can't actually describe it in words. The stanges thing of all happened in the libriary - was looking for clues as to who was where and when and found an entry (when my birth half bro was of an age to vote) for what I guess was his wife. It seems he married a girl with the same christian name as my birth mother gave me, hence what was my birth name appeared in the electoral roll, giving the impression that i wasn't given away. Why did he have to marry a girl with that name? Why did they have to start their married life with his Mum? And who had gone before me and put a pen mark against the entry....... is someone is looking for me? Unless they are astute they will not realise that the 'me ' that was born in 1961 wasn't of a age to vote on 1972 electoral roll, but will have read it and first thought would be 'she wasn't given for adoption then'.... Jess.

Hi Lou, I am really pleased for you too - I hope the letter was really nice. Can't wait to have the same feeling Mary

Hi Lou Really pleased for you. Hope your contact progresses further. Have a great weekend :-) Penny

Nosy parker here has mailed you! ;-) Jess x x

Hi All Deep breaths......I had a letter from my half brother this morning. His wife, bless her, was true to her word and forwarded it on to him where he is overseas. I'm not going to post the details on here because in all fairness I don't know whether anyone connected to him, his wife or my birth family are members of this site but anyone interested in the content, PM me and I'll brief you. Feels weird though....I've actually had contact with a 'real' relative! Lou

Nudge