Genealogy Chat

hi, can someone please advice me on how i can contact a relative who was adopted . i would be most gratefull. many thanks sandy

nudge

Going to back off for a bit. I have decided that the time has come for me to back off a bit. for the last 3 months I have put almost all my engeries into tracing my birth family. Last friday I discovered I had another birth sibling whose birth cert I am now waiting for and until the day it comes there is nothing more I can do. As other adoptees will understand, the desire to know can become all encompassing as the desire to know,when you get to the stage of seeking,can't happen quickly enough. It isn't because of anything anyone here has said or done, another poor member has been on the recieving end of my frustration today, for simply trying to help, and when it gets to that it simply isn't worth it. When the cert comes I shall let you know, and for the meantime will look in on adoption threads and help others where i can. If you are one of the people that mails be about adoption issues please continue to do so,If nothing else, i can always empathise. Thanking you for your humour, wisdom and wit Jessbowbag. (Amanda)

Any chance that my (adopted) cousin is looking at this? Female, Born 1st Jan 1948, in Birmingham? If you would like to get in touch, I have posted on the Trying to Find Board under your 'birth' surname. Would love to hear from you and introduce you to the family which now covers UK/USA/Australia..........

bumped so I don't have to keep searching for the thread

Thanks Marjorie I am best friends with the other daughter that was given for adoption, and have been for 12 or so years.Gave me a sense of 'real' belonging. Through this site I have contacted a member of the 'first lot' and with the help of dear Joan Allen, have spoken to the eldest of the last batch. Just when it all seemed to slip into place, up pops another one! He seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth in obvious places and i think the hunt for him will be hard, From being an only Son he could become one of 9 - if he wants to be! Jess

Ah Jess Don't be despondant. My eldest daughter, the result of my first brief marriage, spent most of her childhood pining for her "wonderful" birth father, who, if only she could meet him (and I, the wicked witch was the only thing stopping this wonderful event), would put her world to rights.I gritted my teeth and made no mention of his short-comings, reasoning to myself that however much of a pig he had been to me, he was still her father and therefore special. She made several efforts to trace him as she got older.Eventually, at the age of 27 after the most amazing set of coincidences, she met up with him. By this time he was on his fourth marriage and had a further five children. For a short time, all was well and she was welcomed b y his fourth wife and children but not number two, who was actually the cause of our divorce and number three was still at the killing stage anyway and didnt want to know. It started to go a bit pear-shaped when my daughter realised that he was having an affair with a woman younger than my daughter. He asked my daughter to lie for him to cover his absences, my daughter refused and to cut it short, he has now declared my daughter "dead". She remains on friendly terms with all his children and his now fourth ex-wife.(Number five has done a runner with all his money - O JOY!!!!) When I asked her how she felt about this, did she feel terribly let down, she said No, she was glad she had found him and glad that she had worked out for herself that he was a weak and selfish man, not worth any of the emotions she had held for him for most of her life. As she said, really, he is a stranger, who just happens to be my biological father. I don't know if this will help you Jess or not. But it is a fact that some people, mostly men I find, are shallow and easily capable of putting unpleasant facts about themselves to one side.(After all, if they were truly caring and thoughtful, how could they live with themselves?). It is just your misfortune that your birth father happened to be one of this type. Is there any chance you could have a relationship with your half-siblings? Good luck and thinking of you. Marjorie.

Having found out that my birth father had yet another child, i can find no more than his birth date. Having achieved so much to find that suddenly, a whole new potential can of worms has opened making me feel quite despondant, having felt so good about tying everything together, suddenly there is yet more to this already upsetting tale. Initially I thought my birth father only 'loved and left' my birth mother but it seems he did it four times,leaving behind a succesion of children, not just me. I know My birth father is dead, and for the first time ever in my life, i think maybe it is a good thing, although that thought goes against all I ever thought i believed in. Jessx

hi all i to am new to this site i have just started the search for my birth mother, i would like to say how kind everyone is on here there seems to be so many people who want to help and understand. my parents who adopted were the most wonderful people who gave me such a wonderful life and a very happy childhood one i can look back on with the most loving and happy memories. sadly they have both now passed away and as i did not want to hurt their feelings i am doing my search now, i have no wish to try and replace them as they can and never will be replaced. i do not have any anger or bitterness towards my natural mother she must of had very good reasons for putting me up for adoption, i do know that she did take me home after she had me and i believe kept me for quite a while but for whatever reason i was placed in the Laneswood Childrens Home in Mortimer Berkshire at the age of 13mths old. i now have 5 beutiful children of my own and when i look at them i do wonder do they have any charatristics of my birth mother or my birth father i hope this makes sense. i hope my search is successful and i wish everyone else on this thread the best of luck in their searches. lorraine from dorset

nudge for lorraine

THANKS FOR ALL THE GOOD ADVICE

Hi Jess, Well I got a letter from my mums sister today along with some photos. It was very strange looking at the pictures and thinking this is my mum. It was good to see them though now I can look at my daughter and know where her eyes are from!.

Hi Jess He must have been reading your mind!! The other day on This Morning there was a lady who was adopted - met her birth mother - She said a few years later another sister turned up looking for the same birth mother (the birth mother hadn't mentioned her though!) Birth mother then died & then a few years later another sister came looking for the same birth mother - no one knew about her either! Hope you have contact again soon. Penny

have just had a phone call from half brother that promised me a photograph of my birth father, to say he hasn't forgotten. How weird is that -it was only that other day that i asked should remind him.Bit of a shock though - he tells me that his father paid maintainance for a 'NOEL' up until the 80's! Seems we may have another half/full sibling out there! Have asked 'supersleuth' Joan Allen for advice and meanwhile another GR member having a look for birth for me. Keeping everything crossed... Jess x Found him..gobsmacked and a bit..well, you know how it is...

Hi Abi, You have your original birth cert which gives you your birth name. I remember being gobsmacked by the fact that my birth mother gave me a name and that alone took time to absorb,because it changed my 'She didn't care' into 'She cared enough to give me a name' What do you think you want to do with the info the cert contains? Jess Have e-mailed you.

I am myself adopted and have started looking for my birth parents only I do not really know where to start - I have obtained my original birth certificate but I don't really know where to take it from there. If anyone could offer me any advise it would be greatly appreciated please reply to [email protected] - many thanks x

Hi Again Vicki, Just take things at your own pace,dont be rushed into anything, this will be like any relationship it may take time to get to know each other. On the other hand I have a fantastic relationship with my younger sister which started on day 1, I get on well with my birth mother, but with my other sisters it was not the same, and you cannot be forced into it. Wait and see how your Aunt re-acts and take it from there, you know we all have to see what end of the scale our relationships will take from total rejection to being smothered, hopefully you will find the right balance in the middle. Let us know how things go, and don't worry, it will probably be fine :O) Take Care for now Sheila

Yes Vicky.....SLOW DOWN! Write a letter first then wait to see/feel the response.Keep the letter SHORT. If you send a photo of yourself, that might just fuel THEIR 'need to know' and not yours...Curiosity killed the cat! Too late I know but never mind now. This is just my opinion so pease take advice of others on here. We'er a mixed ol bunch but quite wordly lol The very best in your quest :o)) Gerri x

Am really new to this site (15 minutes) I was adopted did trace my natural mother, did Knock on door (extremely diplomatically - could have been Avon lady) - got extremelly full on when invited in and introduced to half brothers as "meet a sister you didn't know you had" talk about a hole in the floor. Have read thru a few of other messages, have no doubt that majority have adoptive parents with the best will in the world, but Social Services sometimes have a strange idea of who is suitable - attends church (religious fundamentalist) - quiet (socially phobic with obsessive compulsive disorder) + more but won't go into that and that was just my mother. Not enough space to mention my father but I think at least he did have the right motives (died when I was 19 so will never be able to discuss). Kept in touch with my natural mother for a while but could'nt handle going from only child to one of 14 half brothers and sisters (two mothers and four fathers between), so lost contact. By the time I could handle and re-made contact she had died so am having devils own job of finding natural family history, just know that she also was adopted (within family). I know this sounds unbelievable but no joke, however bizarre this type of scenario is normal in my life - as one friend put it - write a book - ' Chris - Crisis World'. Anyone any info on family name of Rabin, would say from Warwickshire where I was born - but anywhere would be useful.

I am new to all of this and I am writing for some advice. I found my birth family and unfortunately my mother has already died. I spoke to my cousin and she told me that the family always wondered what had happened to me and gave me the address of her sister. I have written to her and sent a couple of photos. I am worried that maybe they might be too full on. I have only had a few days to get my head round the situation. Any suggestions?