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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 7 Jan 2005 08:26

Good on you Lou, Go for it,like you say they'll get their heads round it or not. At least you'll have tried and if they don't want to know it will be there loss. You've managed without them this long, so if it doesn't work out, at least the worse place you'll be is back where you started, Keep us updated please! Jess x

♫Jilly McMad♫

♫Jilly McMad♫ Report 7 Jan 2005 15:57

I've been reading thru all these messages and its wonderful to see so many people openly discussing their own situations. I have had many's a chat with Mandy on this subject and its been enlightening and tearful in the things we all find out... I was adopted in 1969 and often thought of tracing my birth mother but never got round to it...especially after having my own children as I felt that I then had my blood link. However, last February I was contacted with information telling me I had a full birth sister. What a roller coaster of emotions set in then.... I was worried about how my parents would react, if I'd get on with my birth sister etc etc etc... Anyway, I'm pleased to say that overall my experience has been a very good one. My birth father was married and having an affair with my birth mother...my birth sister was born 2 years before me and put up for adoption too. Our birth parents subsequently married then divorced later. We were unlucky not to have any contact with our birth mother as she died in 1995, and our birth father is in denial over us but at least he gave birth sister information enough to find me. I now have a fairly regular contact with my new sister and have a new brother in law and two nephews! Birth mother remarried and I managed to make contact with her husband thru Genes and he has sent me loads of information and photographs....a very lovely man who reassured me that she never forgot me and that she would have been delighted to have known I made contact. And finally my birth father who is in total denial, sent birth sister our birth certificates and photographs of us both as babies....3 of which are me in the hospital which I will treasure for evermore!! I may not have gone looking but it landed on my doorstep anyway and I'm delighted that we met up and get on so well... Incidentally....if any of you adoptees are in Scotland and are thinking of tracing I would suggest you look at Birthlink in Edinburgh as they helped me and my sister immensely! Jill x

Georgina

Georgina Report 9 Jan 2005 03:36

just read all your stories i never told anyone mine untill june 2003 in my daughter was born 1968 i was not married to her father in june 1969 i had a son i never told my family a very dear friends sister adopted him i had contact untill he was 2 they came to my daughters 3rd birthday on that day he was very naughty and his adopted mum smacked him i think then irealised what i had done giving him up was the hardest thing i have ever had to do people often ask the question if there is one thing in your life you could change that would be mine anyway from that day i never saw my son again i thought of him constantly on his birthdays i would take off for the day so no one would see me cry then in june 2003 my dear friend telephoned me he wanted to see me it realy was the happiest day of my life ihave 2 more sons his half brothers i never told my daughter about him untill the day after i met him they now see each other often he has 2 boys i never saw grow up yesterday they had a baby girl who god willing i will obviesly ther is a lot more to this story i could write a book i am crying as i writing this i thank his mum & dad from the bottom of my heart he is a wonderfull lad

♫ Penny €

♫ Penny € Report 9 Jan 2005 20:17

Hi Lou How exciting. Hope you have success in the future. It will give you time to write the perfect letter :-) Penny

MrsBucketBouquet

MrsBucketBouquet Report 9 Jan 2005 20:29

Lou.... If you want help with that letter...mail me. As you know I pondered for weeks before sending the right letter to my adopted sister. She told me since that.....she thought the letter was very good under the difficult circumstances. You know where I am ;) Gerri xx

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 10 Jan 2005 23:23

This is a nudge for Ken Stockley who wanted to read this thread. Joan

Jean

Jean Report 11 Jan 2005 21:55

nudged for angela

Mollsmummy

Mollsmummy Report 12 Jan 2005 16:10

I have only been a member for a day and already think I might have found my natural mothers family. I am not really sure what to do next as I now have to rely on other family members I have sent off a couple of vague messages any suggestions???

Sue (Sylvia Z )

Sue (Sylvia Z ) Report 12 Jan 2005 18:57

Hi Lou, I have only just read your amazing news, as my husband had messed around with the computer and I couldn't get on to Genes. You are so lucky to have"found" some living relations. I hope it all goes really well and that your "new family" will welcome you. I think nowadays most people have very different attitudes to say 15 or even 10 years ago and that the odd unknown relation popping up is easy to accept. Keep us informed of your progress please, we're all cheering for you!! Sue X

Sheila

Sheila Report 12 Jan 2005 19:13

Hi Vicki, I have e-mailed you direct, Glad to see so many happy stories on here. Lou for what its worth I think your right with your softly softly approach, whilst you want to know your routes, you also have to take a step back and think of all concerned, birth mother, brothers, sisters etc, whilst you may have had a little time to adapt to knowing you have them, it may come as a bolt out the blue for some people, you have the right to know but do it as gently as possible for all concerned. May I wish you all luck, in your searches! Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Jan 2005 14:46

Bumped for vickie

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 14 Jan 2005 05:13

Nudge for this important thread.

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 15 Jan 2005 02:10

.

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Jan 2005 02:16

Hi All I haven't posted a message for a while, hope everyone's doing ok. I've now got some information through from Joan which has given me a lot to think about, both over who to contact and how to approach it. I wont name names for reasons I'll keep to myself but someone from the site has e mailed me some pretty good information and advice on how to word that 'initial' letter and I've actually had one written for a few days now which hasn't made it as far as the Royal Mail. But it will, I just keep thinking of things I should have said and things that maybe would be better left unsaid for the moment, it keeps getting changed and hence, so far, remains on my microwave! It's certainly a difficult decision but one I know I wont regret no matter what the outcome is. I cannot spend any longer wondering whether I should get in touch, whether my birth family want to hear from me, I wont know unless I take that first step because as the law stands right now, they aren't allowed to. I'm sure it will come as a shock to all concerned, after all its been 34 years, but that's 34 without them in my life and I have done just fine. The rest of my life without them wont be a trauma, but it would be nice to think that they might want to be a small part of it in the future Lou

Smiley

Smiley Report 15 Jan 2005 02:27

If you decide to go for it Lou, then I wish all the very best, and I hope you get what you're hoping for Sam

♫ Penny €

♫ Penny € Report 15 Jan 2005 10:34

Hi Lou Well done for getting this far. Hope you have success getting to the post box :-) & then hearing from your new found relations Penny

The Bag

The Bag Report 15 Jan 2005 10:44

those of us that have 'been there' know exactly where you are in the process- that letter will be written and re-written probably 10 times before it right, in your head if not on paper. Post it when it feels as right as it can, and i do hope most sincerely that they do want a part in your life, if only to say hello, even once.As you say,you won't know unless you ask. thinking of you. please tell us when you do actually post it, love Jess x

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Jan 2005 10:50

Hi All The letters went into the box at 9am this morning. Spent most of the night really unsettled, rewriting, wondering should I shouldn't I then thought sod it, strapped baba in his pushchair, put our coats and wellies on (yes, it's raining here and it IS the country part of Cheshire!) OVER our PJ's and went. Thought if I messed around getting us both dressed, I'd have opted out again before the process was complete. So...deep breaths and here goes! Lou xx

♫ Penny €

♫ Penny € Report 15 Jan 2005 15:12

CONGRATULATIONS LOU Hope you have a relaxing weekend. The earliest they can get it is Monday so no point in worrying this weekend. Hope little one is Ok too - not too shocked about being taken for a walk in his pj's :-) TTFN Penny

Juliana

Juliana Report 15 Jan 2005 15:15

congrats lou and well done x