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narcissistic mothers

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

cane

cane Report 21 Aug 2012 06:30

Thanks Sharon, for this Thread,and all the lovely people for adding,am meaning to read through today...luv Gwen xxxx

cane

cane Report 21 Aug 2012 05:35

Jill.....this is my story i cried whilst reading it ,correct to the point...with me it has even come to the point that i didnt trust people,hence i am coming to terms with things and a very big thanks to this thread it has saved my sanity and life....right now i have a banging headache through crying and annalysing everything....i am telling myself it stops now i can pick myself up from this and life will get better...i am the eldest of five and do worry if i get lumbered with her if anything happens..i can honestly say that i could nt look after her,and to say this makes me feel bad

Maggie.....i have very touchy feely children too,they are my world....When my daughter was little and i was pregnant with my son my mother would take her out, as my daughter grew to a teen she was becoming the teen from hell and started resenting me to the point wher i almost had a break-down..iwas getting fed up with her constant running away..it only came to lite when she became a mum that my mother was filling her head with crap abt me...sayind "i want u to always remember that your mother was never for you she loved all the others...i have seven children and she was never there to help only destroy what little energyi had each day....

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 21 Aug 2012 01:15

I don't think I have a Narcissistic mother - but I think she did.
Just come back from a week in a camper van with mother and my sister.
Strangely, both of us decided, when we had children, we would be more tactile than our mother - easier said than done, but our children & grandchildren are very touchy feely, and mine know to give me a cuddle even if I don't instigate it.

Before the holiday I had spoken to my sister about out mother's attitude to me. Sis didn't believe me, but was on the 'look out'.
Fortunately she spotted it - cutting the spuds too small - they were to be mashed anyway - 'How many cardigans have you bought?' - less than my sis as sis pointed out.
It became a game of mother pointing out my faults, and my sister 'topping' my faults - don't know if mother knew :-D

As far as mother is concerned, I'm a naughty child aged 8 and will remain so.
Mother is 82, sis and I are 60 and 56 - and my sister was unaware of our mother's attitude towards me - always wrong.
Fortunately, my children, without any instigation from me, have noticed this attitude. They are polite enough to kiss their nan and be nice, but I've just realised she's not in any of the official wedding photo's of my youngest last week......
So I'm not mad......

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 21 Aug 2012 00:00

I've got an underactive Thyroid too. Undiagnosed and you can seem a little off another planet; memory loss, strange behaviour, etc.

Fortunately I was diagnosed and I take daily meds and am fine.

Of course most of those who know me would still describe me as being from another planet :-D

Our son was born in 1997 and in February that year the female parent said something to me that made me realise just how much she hated and disliked me. I cried through every night for months. Son was born in the middle of June and about the 16th December I went to my doctor to ask him if I was anaemic. Lovely guy my old doc. Said, before we say for certain, let's do some tests for, amongst other things underactive thyroid. It was so obvious when he said it. Of course by the time I saw him, I wasn't thinking straight but I'd put it down to the constant behaviour of the parents, being late thirties with children 2 1/2 and 6m and very little sleep. Christmas Eve (one week later) a Christmas present from my doctor of my very first prescription and once that kicked in I came to realise just how ill I had been. From what I later learned, although it's familial and likely to occur to me anyway, it can also be triggered by trauma or shock and possible that what I went through with the female parent was the initial prompt.

The reason I understand your grief is the day she turned on me, the female parent destroyed every belief I had in what it was to be a mother. It changed the relationship I had with my daughter too because I didn't believe in mothers anymore. From that moment of her words though, she died. Then there was simply someone who looked like her, sounded like her but it was just someone else in her body.

Then I ended up looking after her. I've posted enough on these pages about both nightmare parents so just look back if you want the details.

During the time I looked after her I felt nothing in terms of good feelings. I did my best but no love involved.

I have never regretted walking away. I did my best for as long as I could and my consience is 100% clear.

I'm now the best mother that I can be to both my kids. I'm either in a good mood or a grouchy old bag but there is no doubt that I love them and I never stop telling them. Abuse does not need to continue through the generations and it stops with me.

Mothers are supposed to be the ones who love you unconditionally. Although I never told my mother in law everything she worked out the rest but even she would have been appalled. When she hugged me it was a real mother's hug and I loved her. I miss her every day and she taught me so much especially about the unconditional side of love and being a mother. I have one of her fleece jackets. I call it ' Nanny's Hugging Jacket' because everytime I put it on, she is hugging me.

I can't tell you how to get over the loss. But tomorrow morning you can wake up and tell yourself that you never have to take any more of her crap again. The it's up to you to stay strong. You might have family members who don't/won't/can't understand and will try to put pressure on you to change your mind.

Just remember that if you have been pushed this far, you are not in the wrong here whatever anyone trys to tell you.

Sharron

Sharron Report 20 Aug 2012 23:13

Does it ever.

It is a very big void.

Sharron

Sharron Report 20 Aug 2012 23:13

Does it ever.

It is a very big void.

Sharron

Sharron Report 20 Aug 2012 23:13

Does it ever.

It is a very big void.

cane

cane Report 20 Aug 2012 23:10

:-| :-|

cane

cane Report 20 Aug 2012 23:10

Thank you.....i told her i was diagnosed with underactive thyroid,and she used this as a weapon to tell my partner that i was crazy i the head like my dad,( who also had the same condition)...i have never been paid any compliments..she threw a duvet set at me and stated " call this your birthday present"....i didnt think much of it when i was younger as i thought it was the norm....now i realise it awsnt the norm...it was just pure cruel and nasty behavour....i dont hate her...i just thought she had died a long time ago...but being without a proper mother hurts inside....

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 20 Aug 2012 22:55

Hi Cane,

Did it with both of my parents.

Got pushed and pushed and I knew it was coming.

Never regretted it though.

Share if you want/need. Here or pm.

What you feel is perfectly natural.

I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

Don't expect too much of yourself.

xJ

cane

cane Report 20 Aug 2012 22:27

i have just this evening called it quits with my mother (dare i call her this)god i feel sick....years of it sarasm...snide remarks,telling people lies abt me...i feel bereived of some sort....

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 7 Aug 2012 18:19

Mother's Day just doesn't do it for me at all. It's a memory thing. This year I managed to get through it without hubby or the kids realising it. I hated it when the kids were at school and had to do the make-a-gift thing.

And it also came home to me how mixed up some families are. One of daughter's classmates had her mom, stepdad, dad and step-mom. She always had to make more than one of everything. And then there was a lovely mom of twin boys. She was widowed when the boys were about two. I never asked her how she got the boys through Father's Day.

I totally dislike the commerciality over all these days.

J

Sharron

Sharron Report 6 Aug 2012 22:25

I love Mother's Day. It has absolutely nothing to do with me!

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 6 Aug 2012 22:14

Hi Jill, waving hard and blowing a happy kiss :-) Glad you enjoyed holiday and sooooooooonice not to dread going home,.

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 6 Aug 2012 22:02

After the female parent had her stroke, the male parent wondered more why it had happened to him.

Just got back with hubby and kids from a lovely holiday in Dorset. First year since we've been able to have a break away, that I've not come back to family s**t. How lovely not to dread getting back home.

Chris.

Waving hi to you and sending friendly vibes in your direction.

xxJ

wisechild

wisechild Report 6 Aug 2012 18:21

I will never forget my mother´s reaction when my paternal grandfather died, very suddenly & unexpectedly.
I was 11 & was so angry with her because there wasn´t a word of sympathy to my Dad. Just "why does it have to happen to my family"
I so much wanted to say that it wasn´t "her" family & that considering she always made it clear she had married beneath her I was surprised at her reaction to say the least.
If she had cared so much about family ties, why all her life did she deny all knowledge of her 8 half sisters from her father´s first marriage??

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 6 Aug 2012 17:52

Here goes for the second time - had just finished last time when PC froze - was SHE watching?????

Nine years ago next month my mother passed away and she still has the ability to embarrass me! Last evening I was talking to cousin (our mothers were full cousins) as I am researching a relative of hers for her and she mentioned that some years ago she had popped around to see her mum and an old friend of the family who had just arrived for a two week stay when a Taxi drew up and my mother complete with 2 suitcases and her dog arrived unannounced to greet her cousin with the words 'surprise, I have come for two weeks'!

Cousin replied that she did not know where she would put her as Annie was staying.
Beds were moved around to accommodate but my dearest mother uttered these words to Annie ' well I have more right to be here than you, you are only a friend whereas I am family'!

Apparently she and Annie had a wonderful time sparring for the two weeks whiklst the hostess was left shattered.

I cannot believe she said that - well I can but OMG

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 6 Aug 2012 13:42

nudge

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 1 Jul 2012 21:10

Yes there is Chris. And so long as we hang on to that thought.... Glad you are getting there.

I know someone who doesn't think like that and they drive me up the wall. Talk about woe-is-me :- and yet they have so much.

I reckon that we are all entitled to wallow at the bottom for a while but then we have to pick ourselves up, get on with it and make the best of what we have. Some of us make it, some of us never find the strength to try and some choose to stay there because it's easier or they like the pity.

Take care.xxJ

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 1 Jul 2012 15:01

Jill your DNA request made me laugh! I too, to this day, cannot stand lies, hypocracy and being blamed for something I have not done.

Now I wonder where I learned that from???????????////

As to me Jill - bit better - getting there - there is always someone worse than yourself.