General Chat

There you are Tuna, you have aplan...step one complete!

Good on yer girl..

l know EXACTLY what you are going through
my oh went and moved in with my then next door neighbour who l thought was a friend
to top it l had to stay there 2 years because the children were doing gcses and a levels after they finished them l told them we were moving to Broadstairs they wouldnt come l havent seen them since that was13 years ago
my advice to you is now is the time to put yourself first never mind him make him go now tell him youve had enough dont let him get the better of you
l did l made myself very ill nervious breakdown the lot it will be hard but make a new life for yourself with out him you are better than him you deserve better go and find it it is out there believe me scarry as it might seem

Tina I echoe Marylins words I know what you are going through my OH left me for a drivers wife ,Rubbished me in the process this area is his home not mine ,my two were doing their exams . He had to tstay while they were looking for accommodation until I put everything in blacks sacks changed the locks he was stopping my money so I foned the then family credit and got that through in 10 days .It has been hard but I took each day as it came when it was really tough it was hour by bour .I did it got out of the debt he left in two years , I have the house and mortgage .my real freinds stuck by me along with the firm he worked for I now am known as Marion and not his ex wife ..I dont have much cash but I can walk tall and I have tried not to be too bitter as it dont help .what has spurned me on was that he always reconed I was useless and I have proved Him wrong .I hope this encourages you to keep fighting If you want to talk any time I am here maz

Can't really add any more to this Tina, you have lots of good advice from everyone.

Just look after yourself and I'm sure you will come through all this a much stronger person.

You have lots of friends on here if you need them too.

Tina it is perfectly reasonable to hate them both at the moment,what they have done is shitty and your feelings are quite normal.
This is a new event,give yourself some time.
remember,people who do what your husband and his girlfriend have done are not good people who have found true love they are people with huge character flaws who have found each other,Its not a matter of if one of them will dump on the other its a matter of when and the only bets will be on which one does it first.
Meanwhile you will be living our life and you will be happy,it will just take a little time to grieve.
MEANWHILE please please please take good legal advice.
It is vital at a time when you feel so low to have a proffessional look out for your financial interests,
You will come out of this ok I promise,so many of us have been there,just keep busy with your friends and talk on here as much as you need

tina
Not a lot to ass to everyone's comments. A lot of good advice here. yes, it is natural to hate, but blame them both, not just her. I realise he has to finish the building work but couldn't he come in daily to do it? Does he need to actually live there? If you have children under 18 do you actually have to sell the house immediately? Not sure where you stand if the children are step children. However, it would probably be better to sell up (when you get a reasonable price) and buy yourself a smaller place that is all yours. Then you can start to find your independance. at the moment his constant presence is rubbing salt in the wound. Best advice here is from Tania, make sure you take good legal and financial advice.

will be thinking of you.

Ann
Glos

Dearest Tina,
same as Tania really, but would like send you my regards..
I have had a pretty bad week, but am grateful I am not going through what you are at the moment dont feel bad that you have feelings of hate, it is understandable, and NATURAL, your heart has been broken, and your trust betrayed, BUT. try not to let it rule your life..dont feel guilty that you feel like you are losing it, you are under tremdendous stress.concentrate on your children, they are your life force at the moment, and need you... as much as you need them...
Things have a way of working out...
hugs cmd xxxxxxxxxx

Dear Tina
I cannot give you any more advice than has already been given, also cannot imagine what it is like to be in your position. I can only show you my support by posting on here. May you grow into a beautiful independent woman and let the weeds that have grown around your heart be cast away as you grow taller and stronger as the days grow into weeks and the weeks into months and soon, very soon you will realise there are no more weeds just flowers and laughter.

God bless
Tina xxxx

Tina, Kick him out now,You don,t have to put up with him being there just because of the renovation of the property,its in his interest to get it sorted,( You would,nt allow an outside contractor to live in ) so why him? Plus,if you have children of school age,you can get security of tenure untill they leave school,and he has to wait untill then to get his share of the house. Don,t mess about or let him mess you and your children about,you all deserve better.**M**.

If he has to stay in the house for another month, then take advantage of it and leave him to look after the kids while you go out on the town. Make it look like you have moved on already, even if you havent. If you cant face going out on the town, then lie and go and spend an evening with a friend and a bottle of wine, or at the cinema - just lie to him when you get back and say what a great time you have had. Say you met some interesting new people that you may/will meet up with again next week.

Tina,
Can't add any more as a lot of good advice on here.
Keep being strong, it may be hard but you are a better person than them.

Big ((((HUGS)))) to you and your daughters.

love
Sue

Dear Tina.
I understand what it's like to be betrayed. I hated the thought I would be on my own and grow old with nobody to share daily life. but the freedom was exhilarating. Hasn't been easy but better to be single than the alternative.
We are much stronger than we think we are, you CAN do this. Your friends on here are all behind you, and share your sadness.
Love
Mary

Tina love, can't add anything to this... everything has been said... I do admire your strength of character in trying so desperately hard not to be horrid about him/them in front of your older stepdaughter... I know how much she means to you, and I know you love The Attitude too, even though she has put you through the mill even before all this hit the fan.

I am very much afraid that I would probably have done the black sack thing... with his and the Attitudes stuff..... but I don't have your strength of character. You do have the strength.. you will do it, and you will still have the love and respect of your rock!

Look after yourself and your rock.... that is what is important right now.

Love and loads of (((((((hugs))))))

Daff xxx

Hi Tina,
well here's a first, I don't have anything to say! lol
Well, nothing that hasn't already been said. It might not feel like it at the mo, but you will get through this, and come out a strong independent lady.
You know where I am hon.
Love and hugs
Lizxxx

aww hun,i can only imagine whats in your mind at this moment.but believe me and remember this...
KARMA.....it does come back and bite you on the bum.it really does.
out there is someone special waiting for you,in time when you,ve healed he,ll turn up...you see.
as for now you have your dignity he has a trout.
lean on us,phone me if you need to.anytime.
i agree also send him off now.he can return to do the house.tell him u feel uncomfortable him being about and you,d much prefer he move in with the trout now.and you need to get your life on track without him being there all the time.
let him feel rejection....hell you have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and tell him from me ........not to catch his butt on the door handle as he goes.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxwuvs ya

thinking bout it tuna..........i hate um ,and i never met um .lol.

pair a scroats.lol

Tina my love,

You have every right to feel anger and rage and to want revenge, it is a perfectly normal emotion.

I will reply to you on facebook soon, havent been on there for ages,

All my love for strength and dignity. You are so much better than them,


Love and hugs,


Caz xxxxxx

Tina, you have behaved with such courage and your dignity is intact......this is a bad time you are going through now, but once he is gone out of your life, you can go on......and look back in later years on this time and be pleased with yourself that you stayed so strong.......You have so many friends on this board who are rooting for you, and some who have been where you are now.......please take strength from their knowledge.......my heart goes out to you......x sally

hi Tina, i don't post here often now but felt moved to on reading your post.
Feeling anger and hatred are all normal emotions to feel, my advice would be to try to make a list of things you'd love to do and try to plan to achieve a few of these things to do throughout the summer, even if it is just a basic household chore like wallpapering a room in your newly renovated home, especially if you do it a colour or pattern you know he wouldn't like!!.
When i was in a similar position to you i moved all the furniture around in every room in my home so everything was different to how it was when He was here. simple things i know but very invigorating all the same and don't cost anything to do!!
Stay strong , dignified and beautiful xx

hi again I did what Izzy did slowly and bit by bit i have decorated right through , the first few weeks i went through every cupboard and made sure everything was gone bills etc , The CAB gave me a good check list for changing all the bills into my name .which kept me busy . hope you are ok today Maz