General Chat

Dearest Tina,
same as Tania really, but would like send you my regards..
I have had a pretty bad week, but am grateful I am not going through what you are at the moment dont feel bad that you have feelings of hate, it is understandable, and NATURAL, your heart has been broken, and your trust betrayed, BUT. try not to let it rule your life..dont feel guilty that you feel like you are losing it, you are under tremdendous stress.concentrate on your children, they are your life force at the moment, and need you... as much as you need them...
Things have a way of working out...
hugs cmd xxxxxxxxxx

tina
Not a lot to ass to everyone's comments. A lot of good advice here. yes, it is natural to hate, but blame them both, not just her. I realise he has to finish the building work but couldn't he come in daily to do it? Does he need to actually live there? If you have children under 18 do you actually have to sell the house immediately? Not sure where you stand if the children are step children. However, it would probably be better to sell up (when you get a reasonable price) and buy yourself a smaller place that is all yours. Then you can start to find your independance. at the moment his constant presence is rubbing salt in the wound. Best advice here is from Tania, make sure you take good legal and financial advice.

will be thinking of you.

Ann
Glos

Tina it is perfectly reasonable to hate them both at the moment,what they have done is shitty and your feelings are quite normal.
This is a new event,give yourself some time.
remember,people who do what your husband and his girlfriend have done are not good people who have found true love they are people with huge character flaws who have found each other,Its not a matter of if one of them will dump on the other its a matter of when and the only bets will be on which one does it first.
Meanwhile you will be living our life and you will be happy,it will just take a little time to grieve.
MEANWHILE please please please take good legal advice.
It is vital at a time when you feel so low to have a proffessional look out for your financial interests,
You will come out of this ok I promise,so many of us have been there,just keep busy with your friends and talk on here as much as you need

Can't really add any more to this Tina, you have lots of good advice from everyone.

Just look after yourself and I'm sure you will come through all this a much stronger person.

You have lots of friends on here if you need them too.

Tina I echoe Marylins words I know what you are going through my OH left me for a drivers wife ,Rubbished me in the process this area is his home not mine ,my two were doing their exams . He had to tstay while they were looking for accommodation until I put everything in blacks sacks changed the locks he was stopping my money so I foned the then family credit and got that through in 10 days .It has been hard but I took each day as it came when it was really tough it was hour by bour .I did it got out of the debt he left in two years , I have the house and mortgage .my real freinds stuck by me along with the firm he worked for I now am known as Marion and not his ex wife ..I dont have much cash but I can walk tall and I have tried not to be too bitter as it dont help .what has spurned me on was that he always reconed I was useless and I have proved Him wrong .I hope this encourages you to keep fighting If you want to talk any time I am here maz

l know EXACTLY what you are going through
my oh went and moved in with my then next door neighbour who l thought was a friend
to top it l had to stay there 2 years because the children were doing gcses and a levels after they finished them l told them we were moving to Broadstairs they wouldnt come l havent seen them since that was13 years ago
my advice to you is now is the time to put yourself first never mind him make him go now tell him youve had enough dont let him get the better of you
l did l made myself very ill nervious breakdown the lot it will be hard but make a new life for yourself with out him you are better than him you deserve better go and find it it is out there believe me scarry as it might seem

There you are Tuna, you have aplan...step one complete!

Good on yer girl..

LOL Teresa and Maggie...

The walls are currently plaster pink... my family are coming over in the middle of July and we are having a painting party.

Maggie (once again) I did exactly the same, when he left I got the paintbrushes out and painted the house in bright warm colours rather than the pale colours that he had insisted on...

Boy did I feel better!

A friend told me that is typical, that lots of women do that....

Can't add anything to this as it has already been said. So sending you (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Take care
Love Mary xx

Just think of the building works as squeezing whatever you can out of him, to benefit your future. Give the house a lick of paint when he's gone - and make sure he goes - I painted every room in my house various shades of pink - because he hated the colour - I wasn't too keen on it, but boy, did I feel better!! It was like a freedom to do whatever I wanted, didn't have to take anyone elses opinion into account :o)

Tuna, what you're feeling at this moment is all your emotions rolled into one, hurt, anger, frustration, regret, grief, fear and you are now ready to start to move forward...

THEY made you feel like this, she for coming in a wrecking your life, and him because he didn't exactly go to her kicking and screaming. Nobody has the right to make you feel like this, nobody.

But...if someone does, then get rid...they are not worth the energy.

I would be inclined to go shopping one day, tell him you will be 2 hours, be gone when you get back...

I doesn't deserve to share your home with you...no matter what the reason...the house is bricks and mortar, but the home is YOURS, dont' GIVE him anything...make him work for it.

As for the future, dont' allow yourself to get bitter, again they are not worth the energy. Concentrate on YOU. In a year - 18 months, you will be so strong, and you'll look back on this wondering where your inner strength came from. I can tell you, we are women, its been there all along.

Just remember, you are a lovely, genuine person, I've met you, I know. The problem is his, not yours.

TM sorry to hear what a dreadful time you are going through. He will be the loser in the long run and it sounds as if he doesn't deserve you anyway!!

You will be happy again...try and be strong for your kids.

xx

If I was in your shoes Tina I would be a lyer if I said I wasn't scared , in a years time you will surprize yourself Tina...you will look back and think where did I find my strengh ....?

Like a flowering opening....blooming with in its own right....indepenace here I come.....and you will never look back.....in 6mths he start pecking your head as he will realise the grass isnt greener on the other side, He will miss you and it will annoy him that he was'nt the centre of your world..as Elaine said everything happens for a reason......this flower has to grow...

ps just seen your last post Tina (got sidetracked by son & heir )

Why cant he go live with her now ?

I would tell him he needs to move out by the end of the week at the latest, if he wants her, he should go to her now rather than make life upsetting for you because its convenient for him to stay.

Remember, not all men are like this one.

Everything happens for a reason, and that reason being in this case, mr right will be somewhere in your future...and believe me, he will be worth waiting for :o))

Let this all end, put it behind you and take this next year as a healing year.

See blokes as friends & keep it light ....dont look for romance and romance will find you, often when you re least expecting it :o))

Tuna ..lovely to see you...I can only echo what others have said....all of it...I know its hard to not to blame him as much as her as you love him and thats when it hits home... I have felt this raw pain and anger I was 18 when my first marriage broke down and I had a 6mth old baby, the pain I went through at the time I wouldnt wish on my worse enermy....but I did....lol ( the other women ) ........the thing is you will never ever feel it again.. xxxxx

Thank you so much.. everyone.

I just need the reassurance, I am so scared. I know my life will be better in the long run.

He has to stay in the house whilst the building works are being done as he is doing them, walls to put up and floors to lay yet. Plumber coming next week to do bathrooms then it can go on the market. He will move out then. Meanwhile... horrid attitude from youngest daughter, and atmosphere whichis not good for the eldest daughter...she is my rock.
I have to be very careful with her as at the end of the day he is still her father and I would never want to break that, it wouldn't be fair on her, but she is appauled at the way he has treated us all.

Thank you again x x x x

My uncle ran off with another woman, and after a few years she chucked him for another man.
By all accounts she had had two before my uncle.

Although he was a blood relative, I thought serves you right for leaving a lovely wife and son.

But I know how you feel, you trusted people and they let you down. Have had this done not with relationships, but with lending things, and never getting them back.

Do wish you all the very best, hang in there.

Mo

She hasnt been a sole person in this situation ,equal blame should go to each party,an awful time for you but try and focus a little ahead as to what you can do now,what can you keep intact to help you move on.or take some new direction,

Dont let hate stop you having a more self secure life,

Also at the end of the day,,whos to say this new romance will not fail later on,remember the old saying,
*you hane to live with someone before you know them* they could find they cant?