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Decorations on grave.....update

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 09:49

Yesterday i went to visit my parents and daughters Grave. To my shock I found someone had put white plastic garden fencing around it,plus Gravel,kiddies toys and a picture of my grandsons, with a small picture of my daughter in the corner hanging around the cross.
To say I was shocked is an understatment!When i came home, I rang the other grandmother and asked if she knew anything about it! She said "yes, " It tured out that my 6year old gransons cousin(in her 20'S) had taken it apon herself to do this, she is not a relative of mine or my daughters, not by blood or marriage.
To be honest I dont know if I'me being over protective of the plot, or just that my anger at not even being asked about it is getting the better of me? I'me no snob, but it looks "tacky", at the moment I just want to go back and clear the lot off!
I am led to believe my grandson wanted to do something for his mum, my daughter, but this has gone way over the top, as it sticks out 3ft from the cross.
any outside advise would be more than welcome.


maryjane-sue Report 20 Jul 2008 09:58

I would have thought that if it was your grandson who wanted to do this, with the help of his cousin - then leave be for a while. Children's taste in things can often be considered "tackey" by adults but it is done with love and they certainly would consider it a thing of beauty.. In time you can probably remove the plastic fencing etc and blame it on the people in charge of the churchyard/cemetery.


Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:02

Maryjane-sue, yes i do understand that, but this was done by a 20+ woman!


Lyndi Report 20 Jul 2008 10:03

I can understand your shock Taff, and I am sure I would feel as you do. But it needs gentle handling. I admire you for being able to walk away and think about it - reckon I would have had the lot away in a fit of temper!
Standing back from all the emotions involved
a) who owns the plot
b) are there any regulations which state what can be put on a grave (what you have described is not allowed in our local cemetery)

Hope you can get it sorted with everyone happy about the outcome.


Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:04

Thanks buggs, i have had a word, as politely as I could, and explained, how would my grandson fell when it has to be removed for the headstone, but she is oblivious to this!


AnninGlos Report 20 Jul 2008 10:05

Hi Taff, Is there any chance that the decorations are contravening cemetery bi-laws. They would be here in Gloucester. If so, the cemetery officials will remove it themselves.

Otherwise, as suggested, leave it a while then remove the fencing, it probably helped your Grandson to do this in memory of his mother and while we adults might consider it tacky it probably looks pretty to him. It would have been polite though for the cousin to approach you and mention it and she should be told this, in my opinion,however well meaning she is. it is after all your parent's grave as well.

Edit: I obviously type more slowly than other people!!


Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:06

Lyndi, I own the plot, as yet i havent spoken to the cemetary groundsmen.


Barrie Report 20 Jul 2008 10:09

Hi Taff if you google the area where you live it will come across something like this , This seems to be all over the uk now Good Luck


Are graveside decorations allowed?
Graves are intended to have a memorial at the head only. To allow them to be neatly mown, obstructions should not be placed on the grass area.

Kerb edging, fences, windmills, toys, pot plants, bedding plants, shrubs and trees on grass areas impede mowing operations and lead to the grave becoming overgrown and unkempt.

Flowers: Many old plastic flowers lie scattered about graves within cemeteries. Not only do these look unkempt and neglected, they also pose serious problems if they get caught inside the cutters of mowing machines. Please avoid plastics at all times.

Plastic Windmills: These ornaments are increasingly appearing on graves. They often make noises which disturb funeral services at nearby graves and they break into dangerous fragments if struck by nylon strimming cord. In strong winds, they are blown over lawns. These items should not be placed on graves


maggiewinchester Report 20 Jul 2008 10:11

I would not be happy either Taff.

As others have said, it may contravene what is permitted.
You could always phone the cemetery department anonymously and complain about it. Then if it's removed you can say it's nothing to do with you!!



Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:14

No, Maggie, its my plot, and i will own up to having it removed, They didnt consider me when placing it there, but many thanks for input anyway!


Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:24

Elvie, my OH and I are divoreced, I paid for the funeral myself! I am still saving for a headstone, as there is no one else willing to contribute also my daughter died only 20 months ago.


Barrie Report 20 Jul 2008 10:31

Taff if you like i can check out the Law from some mate of mine this week as he runs graveyards


Tin Fields

Tin Fields Report 20 Jul 2008 10:40

Hi Taff,

I nearly fell of my chair reading this. As you own the plot, your grandson's cousin should get permission from yourself to lay anything at all, out of sheer respect if nothing else. I would remove whatever it is you wish. You have every right to be protective. I take my hat off to you for walking away and taking time to think. Have to admit I am not so gracious and would have hit the roof.


Barrie Report 20 Jul 2008 10:45

Taff have tired talking to a banned member whos does work in grave yards

If you still have him on MSN ask him he is up to date on stuff like this



Taff Report 20 Jul 2008 10:48

Thanks Barrie, but I will be on the phone to the cemetatry myself 1st thing in the morning!
Tin Fields, I,me doing my very best to keep cool!


Barrie Report 20 Jul 2008 10:51

Taff if you stil need help let me know



Joan Report 20 Jul 2008 10:52

Sorry to read of your upset. Reading this made a mixed emotion. Firstly anger and awe at this 20+ person who should have had a quiet word with you if she knew of your grandson's wishes............or, were they his wishes. The other grandma should be more compassionate to your feelings too and I am amazed that she can't compromise.
Sad, that your feelings weren't taken into consideration at such an early time from your loss,
Do you have a deep close relationship with your grandson ? If so, I would speak with him and suggest a compromise for you both - and no one else. Plan something together explaining the rules of the cemetery.
Sincere wishes, Joan


Barrie Report 20 Jul 2008 10:59

Got it

Most council bosses want to turn the graveyards into a lawned cemetery and are BANNING relatives from putting Decorations on the graves


Blue Moon

Blue Moon Report 20 Jul 2008 11:04

Could you speak with your Grandson and with him choose a small item to leave at the grave,
the rest could be put in his garden at home so he could look after it himself ,you could maybe go with him to get a few small plants for his remembrance garden.


Sue Report 20 Jul 2008 11:10


Sorry love I can't offer any advice cos I would have lost my temper :-((

You must have the plot 'dressed' as you want it in my opinion.

Love Sue xx