General Chat

Hi Bob ~~~
No upset caused, by your comments :)
Grovels not necessary, but appreciated as no one usually does me a grovel.lol
as Sue says we don't see body language and facial expressions on here.
I just hate having zillions of pages of 'my threads', if there are too many when you want to find something you can't' !!!
Love your jokes..keep them coming ;0)
Sandie.x

Now, I normally post my jokes elsewhere, BUT I thought that you might like to see this first, I tell no lies, I got it in a Email today.....

It has something for everyone - If you know the bush, it will appeal
to you, if you work in the oil industry, there is something in it for you
too, if you have a sense of humour - well, it might test it a little and if
you are not an Australian, then it won't help your knowledge of Australian
life one bit.......................

Goodbye Granddad

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,

He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,

We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,

A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet,

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,

The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.

There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace,

Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,

When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,

'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,

'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.'

'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,

And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil,

So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,

They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste,

And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,

So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I thought,

I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,

But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night,

Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,

The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--

Well, he always used to hold his breath



Until he heard the splash!!

Bob

Last month (????)a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.


And Finally........................... In Australia they hung up because they can't understand an Indian accent.

Hi Sue

The Daphne, I agree is the wrong climate, its more for the English garden!!
The said Daphne was planted by the original owners of my home and I just don't know how it has survived these dry conditions. It did flower much later this year.
I once had two of them but my naughty lab dug one of them out!!

Well I'm off to find someone that once lived in Geelong, Victoria. I hope he has left me some clues!!!

Carole

Good Morning all down under........
Good Evening all up top...............

Application to become an adoptive Aussie.............

Having read all 23 pages of this thread over recent days, and seeing as there appears to be a lull in proceedings, I thought I would sneak in my application to SueMaid.

Credentials -
I live in Wales, in the Snowdonia National Park, on the coast.
I'm 75% Welsh - 25% English, and I can't sing...........
My claim for membership is based on that as a crew member on P&O
liners many years ago, I was responsible for bringing thousands of poms to Aussie on the then £10 assisted passage scheme.
While not exactly geriatric, I did watch the building of Sydney Opera House.
Once woke up on a New Years Day underneath someones Christmas tree in somewhere called Bondi Junction - they didn't know me, and I didn't know them - but I believe it was one hell of a party.
I also remember freezing half to death on St.Kilda Station Melbourne while courting a local girl ( it didn't work out)

I do have rellies in Adelaide Happy Valley.........

Please consider my application - I am civilized - I don't drink - because it doesn't mix with all the tablets.
I don't gamble - because I don't live near a bookies.
I don't chase wicked woman - because I can't run anymore, and my OH keeps me chained to the sink.

The only one of you I've "spoken" to on here is Sandie who occassionally pops up on a thread I regularly post on in General.

If my application is rejected......then.....
Nobody loves me - nobody wants me - think I'll go and eat worms.

Best wishes
Tec.

Don't worry Tec, when she wakes up, I am sure that Sue will rubber stamp your application. If she doesn't I won't help her with her research any more!!!

Linda

Thank Linda..........

A guy needs all the support he can get..........

but isn't that blackmail?

Tec.

Absolutely

I've not even been accepted yet...........

and already causing trouble - oh dear

Tec you sure can join us - the more the merrier:)) Bondi Junction eh? That must've been some party! I have also stood freezing on a railway station in Melbourne - can't remember which one. Just ignore Linda though for your own good. She'll lead you astray:)

Bob I love the Grandad joke - do you mind if I copy it? I know a few people who would love it. I can still remember the backyard dunny:)) I remember asking my Dad why the "dunny man" had a leather apron over his shoulder and the answer "in case of splashes" left an image in my mind that I've never forgotton 45 years later:)

Good morning to all my Aussie friends and good evening to our Brit wannabes.

Sue xx

Tut Sue, trying to put the poor man off and while I am actually working on your tree

Thanks Sue.......

Promise to be no trouble...........

Will now put an Aussie flag up alongside my Welsh Dragon and Union Jack................

Tec

Goodevening/morning all

Of to the vets later. Not me personally but to assist my daughter to have her two cats vaccinated.

It's funny, but we have three cats, none of which are ours. The older puss was my son's but somhow we 'inherited' it. The other two are said daughter's cats which we have been 'minding' now for about three years!

Regards to you all

Allan

Welcome Tec and I was just joking about Linda - she's a wonderful person beloved by all and a great person to have on this thread:)) Is that enough grovelling Linda?

Sue xx

That will do nicely Sue, but I am off to bed now.
Hello/goodye Allan

Play nicely while we Brits sleep.

Linda

Hi Linda

Bye Linda

Sue, no I dont mind at all.........
the trouble with a joke is that if you havent seen it before, it can be hilarious, but after its been around a while.........well..

Now I had'nt seen either of those........LOL

Bob

Hi Allan..........

I feed two cats every day........no idea who they belong to - but they are nice moggies - so I don't mind.

Bob Hi........your grandad joke was so funny - we loved it

Regards
Tec

Hi Tec,

Greetings from Oz (West)

Allan

Thanks Allan,

Greetings to you also from Wales...........

What's the weather like for you this morning?

Tec