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Auntie Motie a Genteel Tale of Everyday Life.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Cooper Report 26 Jul 2012 21:45

Auntie the tape that held you together and hurt when removed is a little like wax dear, no not sealing wax, hair removing wax. Some Ladies and Gents have bother with unwanted hair and use hot wax to remove it :-D

I will have a go at the scanning CC dear after the weekend. We are away but Mama in Law will be here keeping the House and the Fruits in order :-D CC I will send the cert via scan to you. I did visit the said great great Grandparents plots today to see if I could find any more information. All I found was a scittery rabbit running around :-S

Ah Susan, how is it with Fruits and in Friuts staying with you. I do hope they keep everywhere neat and tidy whist they are in residence.

Lesley, do keep your daughters hands and feet cool and this will help the rest of her to keep a little cooler. I do feel for her. My dear fruits (children) were born in June and mid August. The bonus of having an August child comes into effect when they start school. Everyone is away in the School summer holidays and parties are almost impossible to arrange. It saves a fortune :-D :-D :-D ;-)

Thank you Ladies for the advice about the workmen. I feel I will just put on the Smiths to drown out the noise in future :-D

I was dragged orff the other evening to see a film which was the worst I have ever sat through. FTE thought so too. It was an American film called Magic Mike,, google it Ladies, not you Auntie the shock may be too much.
It was worse than ploughing my way though the drivel which was Mr Grey. In fact I culd not be bothered to read the last book so I set FTE to read it and she filled me in on the very short story line. It was pennance for her dragging me to see Magic Mike :-D

Night Night for now



CherryCrumbles Report 26 Jul 2012 21:49

Dear Susan thank you for the set of railway china. How ....... common. Still, its the thought that counts. BTW it wasnt my Dresden cup that shattered upon being dropped. It was dear Petunia's. On the Plus side, its one less cup to wash up.

My barnet is quite fair, thank you. (Barnet Fair????) I've finally finished combing out all the tangles.

Well if you do not recommend the North Pole, perhaps we should all visit AN ISLAND and have a little FANTASY.

I think I will find my own hay box to try and stay cool.

We visited St Albans park today, went to the Roman Museum, and gawped at what is left of the Verulamium Wall and a real live floor mosaic. One's first husband borrowed a wheelchair and pushed me around. I could get used to such service !! I treated myself to a mousemat depicting all the known Roman emperors, and a tiny statuette of the Verulamium Venus. Verulamium was the name of St Albans when it was a Roman settlement.



CherryCrumbles Report 26 Jul 2012 21:57

Hi Teresa, as and when you send the scan I will take a look for you - be a pleasure. I cant guarantee translation, but I will have a go :-)

You are lucky you saw just a rabbit skittering around. When I visited a certain park, where I used to live as a child, I was treated to the sight of a squirrel digging a hole and he wasnt about to hide his nuts.

I dont think I will read the novel about that Mr Grey. Anyway I am not finished reading Les Mis. And I have a pile of books waiting to be read.

I have discovered the cure to take me away from watching Phantom the stage show on DVD.

It is .................... Phantom the 2004 movie with Miranda Richardson, on DVD.

They used the ALW script and music from the stage show, but some of the songs were "enhanced" with new words. Also, I defo recognised some of the score from Love Never Dies the stage musical sequel to Phantom. But, the movie version gives a totally different ending to that of Love Never Dies, when the singer gets shot and dies young. In the movie, she lives until 1917. However, taking the movie as an entity "in its own right", it is a really nice little film. :-D :-D



Allan Report 27 Jul 2012 01:50

Dear Auntie Petunia,

Following your response to my earlier post, could I have mistaken yourself for my long lost Great Aunt Petunia? I must say that the noble surname of Mortimer was perhaps too obvious a clue and I should have been more thorough in my research. The age at which you left India rules you out of my family genes and apologise if I inadvertently besmirched your character.

I am desperate to trace my Great Aunt as I believe that she may know the whereabouts of the Mortimer family fortune. This may sound very mercenary (well I do come from a long line of Mercers, but that could be another thread :-D) but I can assure your readers that I am also concerened about my Aunt's health as I don't want her to live longer than me.

My aunt was in India, where her father was the Colonel of the 2nd Battalion of the Foot-in-Mouth Regiment. She often quipped that she was only the Colonel's daughter but she knew what Reggy meant.

To your readers Cooper and Susan-nz, thank you for your comments. I don't mind spiders in the dunny but I draw the line at snakes! In fact the line I draw is the starting line for a hundred yard dash in the opposite direction. No mean feat with your trousers round your ankles.

Cooper, alas, I am not at all sure that Aunt Petunia will now be visiting the Antipodes particularly if I have to pay the fare, although she could always work her passage out here as a stoker on one of the cruise ships which now visit these shores. I'm sure that I could meet her at Fremantle provided that she forwarded money for the petrol.

May I also take this opportunity to say hello to CC who appears to have more aliases than a cat has lives.

I am so pleased that Lesley has now got her drawers sorted out. I do find that information on the etiquette of how to keep drawers tidy is never wasted

Kind Regards

Allan Mortimer


MotownGal Report 27 Jul 2012 08:44

Good Morning dear Friends,

Allan, your grov, erm, explanation is accepted. No offence taken at all. Many 'old families' were over in India at the same time. I must say that being behind the walls of the Embassy, we did not see a lot of the regiments over there, unless there was a Dignitary visiting, when the young fellows came over, and 'put on a show'. That Reggie certainly got around.............perhaps he had a bike. #Looks into middle distance#

Well the Olympics are finally here. As you know I will be taking a full and important part in the Opening Ceremony. Do look out for me.

I know that dear Upsidedown Susan and Allan are at the other end of the Earth, but do try and tune in dears. Just give that Cats Whisker a bit of a tweak, and I am sure the pictures will pop onto the screens.

I shall be wearing my little charm that dear Upsidedown Susan gave me when I met her. I wear it on a silk thread, I really appreciated the gesture and will treasure it always.

On the home front, I can hear Pat-trish-aaaah in the scullery, busily making breakfast. How lovely it will be to have a Full English. As much as I appreciate you stay in a Paree Ospital, the thought of another croissant with jam fills me with horror. Did you know you can make jam from passion fruit? No.................neither did I!

George, Francine and dear little Valentine will be arriving soon to breakfast and then we will go orft to the Village. Tra la, such fun.

St Albans dears, what a lovely little town. We too visited the Roman remains. I got the feeling I had lived their before, in a previous life. Never a slave of course, I am far too refined for that................maybe the owner of a grand villa there.

The door bell is ringing, and another cup has crashed to the floor.

Oh dear.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

look out for me tonight, flying in..................


Allan Report 27 Jul 2012 09:07

Dear Auntie Petunia,

Following your, as always, sage advice, I did give the Cat's Whisker a bit of a tweak and now I have a severely lacerated hand and arm.

Old Tom has never really forgiven me for the trip to the Vets many years ago when certain parts of his anatomy were surgicaly removed.

I'm sure that once my eyes have stopped watering I should be able to see the projected images clearly.

I do have quite a literal turn of mind and perhaps that was my undoing

Yours sincerely, although in acute pain

Allan Mortimer


Susan-nz Report 27 Jul 2012 10:31

Dear Allan,

Perhaps you should have had the cats pyjamas :-)...

I do hope your lacerated hand and arm heal quickly and without scarring :-S.
Is not your Tom now Tomasina???, sans nuts?

Hello Petunia, how delighted I am to hear you shall be adorned with the miniscule :-S treasure...... why it is of the finest plastic :-D.
I trust your jaunt to the village was without incident? :-(. Did you keep dear little Valentine out of the reach of those beastly sun rays? They are quite fierce in this part of the world...

CC, I am sorry if the china offended you , Dresden is quite posh, doncha know, railway china is an antique of tomorrow - more fool those to come..
Do you know, I am ashamed to say I have never watched Phantom, though a very good friend of mine did see Michael (as in Frank Spencer) in the role in the US of A, many moon s ago. Ah Crawford, his name escaped me momentarily...

Well tis Friday evening and my OH is watching the semi final of a rugby game in which 'our team' is currently leading the Crusaders (hip hooray). My nerves are unable to take the tension. I am such a wuss. I am sitting in the kitchen with an ear cocked to the tv :-D.

The sun will still shine tomorrow - I hope. !!

We won,we won :-).

Nighty nighty all,



CherryCrumbles Report 27 Jul 2012 19:12

Dear Susan-nz, of course the china did not offend me, perish the thought. I am not a snob, doncha know. Its just that ....... I appreciate the finer things of life at times. Ooops there goes another Dresden china cup!!!

As my kitchen cupboard contains many cheap supermarket mugs, I shall hold on to those carefully, as they may be the "antiques of tomorrow". Did you know that some of the older phone cards now fetch a fortune at collectors fayres? Because of course, they are no longer in production.

One has become rather fond of a product called Becks Beer. Needless to say, dear Petunia does not stock this item; but on a hot summers night there is nothing quaite so refreshing to wash down a Finest Beefburger in a bun. I am concerned there may soon be a world shortage of Becks Beer, because a container lorry had an unfortunate accident on an autobahn and the contents were strewn across the motorway. The consignment was ..... Becks Beer.

No no do not be ashamed you have never seen the Phantom. I never paid any attention either, until I saw Nicole Scherzinger perform the title song last November on the Royal Variety show. You can watch clips from Phantom, and also Love Never Dies, on You Tube. Just search for Michael Crawford+Phantom, or Ramin Karimloo+Phantom. Or simply - search You Tube for Phantom of the Opera but you will probably get too many hits that way.



Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 27 Jul 2012 19:14

Dear Auntie Petunia.

Wow what an amazing sense of humour you and your friends have. :-D :-D

Teresa Thank you I have passed on your advice to my daughter, she's actually a nurse but I think she leaves her professional head at work. :-( I too have a fruit born August and two born in April just one day apart (different years) so their parties were shared, big savings. :-D

Well done to the Crusaders. :-D

I am bathed, relaxed, feet up just watching the Olympic countdown, can't wait to see the opening ceremony, auntie Petunia I will be watching for you to fly in, how will I recognise you, will you be wearing your bed jacket. :-S :-D


CherryCrumbles Report 27 Jul 2012 19:18

*smiles sweetly at dear Allan, and curtseys*

Allan , I am the Citoyenne Catastrophe, well named, for misfortune follows me everywhere. I am currently engrossed in Les Miserables, when not singing with the Opera Populaire, where I often encounter the Phantom of the Opera.

As you may know, Les Mis is set not too many years after the French Revolution, and alas the revolution made no difference to the impoverished unemployed starving population of France. A surprisingly better read than I had ever expected it to be.

I trust that you will soon recover from your lacerations. Next time instead of tweaking the Cats Whiskers, or trying to look like the Cats Pyjamas, study the Cats Eyes instead.



MotownGal Report 27 Jul 2012 19:57

Good evening dear Friends,

What a day it has been, and it just beginning in Stratford.

Dear George, Francine and dear little Valentine arrived for breakfast, and after a hearty breakfast, we left in George's van. With my costume packed securely in the boot.

As I am practically landed gentry, we have of course, our little ticket that allows us to travel in the Olympic Lane, and we sailed through. I played the 'old lady' card, and managed to get the others in, as I am indisposed, and needed helpers.

Oh my, what a day, I have met EVERYBODY today. Sir Cliff, Call me Dave, Big Bear Boris, Sir Seb, Sir Steve, dear Daley and lots and lots more.........but as I am a modest soul, I will not go on any more.

So dear Lesley, I do hope you are enjoying your stay with you may not know who everyone is, may I introduce you to the family.

George is the son of my dear friend Georgianna. Francine is his wife, who was a maid in the Loire Valley, where we holidayed last year. Valentine is their son, a dear, dear little thing.

Pat-trish-aaaah is my grand-daughter and housekeeper, named in memory of her Grandfather. Who was my own true love, who I believed was killed in the War. But miraculously turned up earlier in the year, only to have an untimely demise!

Dear Cherry, Upsidedown Susan and Teresa and I are old friends, from the old thread. Dear Allan has returned to the fold, and we are very pleased to have him back! You too are very welcome dear Lesley, We are genteel ladies who do not mind have their legs very gently pulled. If you fit this category, then you are most welcome to stay with us, drink tea from fine bone china, and fan yourself with an ostrich feather fan. I shall be sending you a lace edged hankerchief down the cyber hatch. It must be carried at all time, and regularly doused with lavender water. Keep us informed of your dear daughter's progress.

But back to the question in hand. You will see me in the Opening Ceremony. I will be on a 'wire' with a flowered bonnet, a frock coat, and an opened umbrella. I have the initials MP! And finally the most obvious clue, Julie Andrews played my character in the fillum. Got it? Good!

Oh, I can hear dear Gary calling me, to get changed with the others.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia


Allan Report 28 Jul 2012 00:35

Dear Auntie Petunia,

Having taken CC's advice I did study the Cat's Eyes and nearly got run over by a bus!

As you ladies were talking about fruits, my female fruit also first appeared to the world in an August sometime ago.

I remember a discussion I had with her regarding Cat's Eyes and I regaled her with as graphic a description of how cat's eyes were obtained as I could. This upset her so much that she is now very protective of all cats.

The weather down under continues cold and dry: at least in the West. I believe that Adelaide is somewhat wet.

I do hope that your appearance at the opening ceremony was not too tiring for you. It gives new meaning to the phrase 'just Poppin in.'

Take care all

Kind regards



MotownGal Report 28 Jul 2012 07:59

Yawns, and stretches as far as the stiches will allow................

Good Morning dear Friends,

I do hope you liked our little show. I think dear Danny did very well indeed. Dear Kenneth and his engineers with their erected chimneys pushing skywards, the NHS being honoured, the rocking house, dear Lillibet dropping in with dear Craig, and poor old Paul not quite getting to the high notes................

I think the March of the Athletes was rousing, and the lighting of the Flame was spectacular. And the best athlete got to carry the final torch. Well done all concerned.

I shall have a quiet couple of hours, then it is back to work here in London. I shall be heading back to the Village, just to inspect the sleeping arrangements for the competitors, and making sure they are where they should be..........................

Turning over for a further 40 winks

Auntie Petunia


CherryCrumbles Report 28 Jul 2012 12:15

good morning to all and greetings to Lesley in particular, what you may not know my dear is that dear Petunia has never been married.

As a young gel, she was sent to Spain to recover from the presumed death of her one true love who went off to WW1, and she had a very close friendship with Juan of the Spaniards, as a result of which there was a daughter that dear Petunia never got to know. This daughter grew up in Spain with a foster family, and had a grand romance, and Pat rish aaaah is the result.

Pat rish aaaah turned up at Petunia's door one day begging for work, without revealing her true identity, and Petunia felt so sorry for this waif she took her into her household and Pat rish aaah spent many years being the household skivvy until I turned up and worked out what had really happened - the family resemblances were too marked to be ignored. I am good at ferreting out scandals thanks to my experience in family tree research. Well it doesnt end there.

Pat rish aaaah also had a Grand Romance, and a young girl called Juana was the result. Needless to say, Juana turned up at Motie Towers as well, and as her moustache was so much like Pat rish aaahs and they both spoke Spanish when alone, it didnt take much for me to figure this out at well.

Finally, dear Petunia finally had to acknowledge that I was right all along, and anyway these days no one gives too hoots about such things. And so, we are all one big happy family.

As for the one true love - it turned out he didnt die in the war after all, and he turned up at Motie Towers dressed like a tramp. However Petunia recognised her Patrick, and arrangements were made for them to marry. Unfortunately, he developed a tenderness for Juana and they eloped, to Gretna Green, where he died during a passionate embrace because the church bells ringing were eclipsed by the jangling bells of an ice cream van. But not before I had discovered that a lot of ladies had been linked with Patrick, and he made off with their money, so Petunia has had a narrow escape.

Oh well I dont suppose we shall see Lesley again .........



CherryCrumbles Report 28 Jul 2012 12:19

Allan I did not mean for you to study the Cats Eyes quite so literally. I trust that the bus was not injured.

There are cats eyes, and Cats Eyes. incidentally the man who developed the Cats Eyes which help to light up our motorways, did not patent this and he died impoverished.

You really should not torment your daughter ........ I used to tell my youngest we'd get a key and undo her bellybutton and her legs would drop off.



CherryCrumbles Report 28 Jul 2012 12:22

now Petunia dear, you really should not be getting so excited over the olympics, so soon after your return from France. Do what I did dear - read about it on the TV news, whilst sipping a cup of tea in a dainty cup. You are needed at Motie Towers, we simply cannot manage without you.

Oooops there goes another Dresden bone china cup. It just slipped out of my hands.



MotownGal Report 28 Jul 2012 21:20

Good evening dear Friends,

Do you know, my ears have been burning all day. Do you think someone has been talking about me? Cannot have been any of my dear friends, they are all souls of discretion!

I have been in the Aquadrome most of the day, being a timekeeper for the Swimmers. Those swimmers from China have been breaking records, and celebrating. I am sorry that our little gel did not win a medal, but it is who is best on the day. Maybe she will do better in another race.

Now.............talking of china.................I cannot imagine what has happened to my best Dresden. I used to have a full set of 12 cups and saucers, side plates, dinner plates, serving dishes, gravy boats with a sugar bowl, milk jug and tea and coffee pot to match. But unless I have put them somewhere so safe, I cannot remember where..................some appear to be missing.

I have since removed the Coleport and the Royal Doulton to the parlour in the cabinet. I dont think that Pat-trish-aaah has become THAT clumsy of late, but she has been a bit peculiar over the last few months.

Thankfully her hair has started to grow back, and she now has a 'gamine' look, and we are all relieved to see that the tattoos were temporary and they are beginning to fade. She is almost back to her old, albeit plain, self.

I do hope that with the little snippets of information I gave dear Lesley, I have not frightened her off. As you know, I am a very private person, but it is only fair to tell her brief outlines of things, if she is to become part of our family.

Georgianna and Octavia have deigned to come and see me tomorrow, since they left me in Paris, while they disappeared with their husbands. They think I need a holiday to give me a change of air, and we all need to recuperate from our accident.

I am nearly healed, although moving around is still a little stiff. The nose now has the plaster taken off it, and the hand, once a tetanus as administered, is a little less red. So the three of us, are on the mend. I do hope they do not suggest France again, although we had some rollicking adventures last year in the Loire Valley. And of course we know what happened to George...............aaaaaah!

May I wish you a goodnight dears, it has been a long day, and I still have the smell of chlorine in my nose.

Splashing lavender water liberally on a lace-edged hankerchief!
Auntie Petunia


Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 28 Jul 2012 22:49

Dear Auntie Petunia.

Thank you for my laced edge handkerchief, I have it on my person as I type.

I to am a very gentle lady that likes to lunch and only drinks tea out of bone china cups although I have been known to have the odd tipple out of a crystal cut glass.

Today I haven't ventured very far from home as I was hoping for a telephone call from my daughter asking for mummies support alas I haven't received the call as of yet, so tonight I am going to abstain from my second favourite tipple in case I do get a call and need to drive to the delivery suite.

CC I would also like to thank you for your explanation about Petunia's family.

May I wish you all a goodnight or good morning.


CherryCrumbles Report 28 Jul 2012 23:20

*ambles through the dining room with a railway mug of warm milk*
has anyone seen the best brandy? I want to lace my bedtime drink .....

not that I wish to brag about it, but I was waiting in the royal enclosure when HM The Queen dropped out of the helicopter. But I never name drop, as I was saying to the Princess Royal only last week.

I've noticed that dear Petunia has become a trifle paranoid about her bone china collections. Everything is now behind glass doors, and she's put little padlocks around the handles and not given me the key. *tut*

Petunia dear do you really think you need another holiday so soon? You have barely recovered from the last one. On the other hand, perhaps the hot dry air of Egypt will suit you. I will ask my dear friend Monsieur Poirot if he can recommend a pyramid. Perhaps this time you can take Pat rish aaaah with you - and leave your friends at home with their husbands. Make sure though it is Pat rish aaaah, and not Trish.

And this time, do refrain from speaking to strange gentlemen who have smooth tongues and glib repartee. But if one should happen to follow you home, I will take care of him for you D:)



CherryCrumbles Report 28 Jul 2012 23:26

Lesley do I take it that you are about to become a grandmama? We will have to have a virtual christening. I am a dab hand at making outfits from black binbags, as Petunia will tell you, so I will arrive at the christening all dolled up in a most unique way. But I draw the line at fascinators on hats.

You are most welcome to the background of life at Chez Petunia. I felt it incumbent upon me to warn you. Did anyone tell you that she has nearly been fleeced by several gentlemen down the years, and had a run in with a parishioner at St Jumbos. Ask dear Petunia about "elephants ears" and see what colour she turns. If it was not for good friends such as myself, dear Petunia would be in dire straits without a paddle.

Anyway do come back and tell us all about the infant. Little Valentine will need a playmate soon.