General Chat

Is it wrong to do so?

I've heard this expression used , a few times this week on different topics, not on here, in the media.

Thing is, if I didn't like someone because of something they did, said or how they acted, I'd not change my mind about them just because they had died.

I don't think it's bad, I think it honest.

What are your views?

Funny you should say that. Someone mentioned my sister in law today. She passed away in January. This person told me that my SIL was a 'very difficult person' then apologised for 'speaking ill' of her. I told her that she was being honest and that most people including her family would agree with her.

if this is about the jimmy will fix it guy
then yes i think the victims should speak out
speaking out sometimes gives closure to some people
even knowing your not the only one this happened to
sometimes helps some victims
well done if they are telling the truth
and i also think he should be stripped of his knighthood
if the enquiries find he did do this :-D

When we write obituaries, we tend to gloss over bad things and accentuate good things. And draw a line when someone had died, because it seems wrong to accuse somebody of something if they cannot defend themselves. And we all have a higher authority to answer to after we shed our mortal coil.

It is difficult for all of us, because we research and find things out that we often keep very secret. Because of love for our ancestors, or we don't want any scandal. And dead people have living descendents. Why affect their lives by delving, when no retribution is possible.

Oh sorry - I didn't realise that this was about someone in particular.

i thinking is just in general sue
as the person i was referring tos case was on TV i assumes it was about him

I've heard a little about that case - what a can of worms :-S

I don't think it's wrong, though like most I was brought up with the phrase, as long as what you say is honest.

yes sue and if true how awful for the victims but we may never know the truth

And to a certain extent it's in the right place at the right time. I wouldn't stand up at a funeral and tell everyone what an absolute bottom the deceased person was :-D

So it isn't just me then Sue, that's a relief :-DI find it odd to praise someone who you didn't have the time of day for, just because they have died.

A bit to do with that case Joy, which is all very odd, the 70's & 80's were a very different time for girls, or ladies who wanted to disclose anything, I have friends who had "incidents" with men, who have only said about it in later years, because it wasn't the done thing to say anything, very sad :-( But it isn't just about that case it is a general question.

Rose honesty is the best policy, as me Nan said :-D

EDIT.. Sue I wouldn't do that at a funeral of someone I didn't like, because if I didn't like them I wouldn't be at there funeral :-D

Jimmy was a very clever man and covered his tracks. If someone had pressed charges within his lifetime, I feel sure it would never have come to court. Look at Gary Glitter - that was fairly obvious to all, but it was very hard to get him sent down.

Pure conjecture, of course. But if JS was alive today, think he would have probably "proved" he did nothing wrong. Money talks.

'Tis an interesting discussion though. And am thinking of individual cases, and wondering if "dont talk ill of the dead" is right.

Lynda,
I'm wondering if it might be a superstition?
I know someone who had a quite intense dislike of two people in particular and never had a nice word for them. As soon as these people died the critic spoke very differently about them :-S

Joy, His Knighthood Died with him (As is the norm) however I do think that his Will should be" Frozen" so that some sort of compensation is paid to the girls who were assulted by him,(Only after real proof though.)**M**.

No I wont claim to like someone when they die if I did not like them when they were alive ... another thing I have no time for is people attending funerals when they never even knew the person ... just turns the whole thing into a circus .. but then there are people that just have to be in the centre of everything especially if it was a tragic death and is in the media ... also see no purpose in this vigils ... or flowers being laid where the person died .. rant over ...

I think you probably right island superstition, has a lot to answer to:)

aivlyS, the flower thing can be overbearing in some places, in fact I;ve seen a few where they could cause an accident, just by being where they have been put, it's too distracting.

I doubt many women were surprised to read the allegations about JS. I certainly wasn't. He had creep written all over him.

Coleen Nolan wrote about him in her book a year or so ago and said he made her feel uncomfortable and got "too close" when she was 14.

Reading the papers it seems that a lot of people knew what he was up to but didn't say anything. Shame on them, I say.

Just because the CPS couldn't find enough evidence to prosecute him doesn't mean it didn't happen - and several women complained independently years ago.

Gwynne

sometimes people go the funeral to support the families that are still here
i did this with my sons girlfriend i had met her dad but didn't know him very well

but went for Toni who we love :-D

but other than that i would stay away if i didn't like somebody
i dint attend my father in laws funeral i thought he was a complete waste of space

mind its only the odd exception i will attend the after do

Not long after the unlamented demise of my mother I mentioned to somebody how little she was missed and was quoted a Latin phrase nd told not to speak ill of the dead as they are not in a position to defend themselves.

I had grown up in a position of being unable to defend myself against her or the further punishments that her abuse and neglect brought upon me.

Truth is not malice. Surely malice is speaking ill not revealing truth that may undermine the fantasy that perpetrators of ill weave to conceal their misdeeds.