General Chat

Bless you Shirley, you hit the nail on the head when you said 'It's all part of life's rich pattern'

I don't fear death but I do fear leaving my son behind, so hope I can go on for a good while longer to see him settled and happy and hopefully with a loving partner and family. We only have each other, his rellies on his Dad's side are ok but not close by or that supportive (his dad's as much use as a chocolate teapot and not even as tasty) and my lot aren't much better so I am glad he has some very good long standing friends who I hope will help him through.

I have been recording the Colin Fry programmes recently and they reinforce my belief that there is more than just this life and we will be reunited with loved ones when it is the right time.

I hope things will go gently for you and your o.h. and you have time yet to spend together

Lizxx

... <3 <3 Shirley

unload away - it's a killer I know - you are more than welcome to have my telephone number - I have free UK calls 24 hours a day!!! - I'm a good listener and I can talk for Wales!!!!

Thanks Ann and all of you for the reassuring words.

As well as Alzheimer's he has Lewy Body Dementia which gives him Parkinson type symptoms. His balance isnt good and he has hand shakes . Of all his problems its the falling that worries me the most cos i worry he may seriously hurt himself.

He is 78 and i do hope he can go on for many years but then be taken peacefully before it all gets too much for him to handle. he did get upset a few Sundays ago and cried and said he didnt want to end up in a Home. I tried my best to reassure him that as long as I am able there's no way that would happen.

Yes we have had some great times . We met when i was 18 and he was 21 and married 2 years later so been married for 55 years. he is my best friend as well as my hubby.


Thanks for letting me unload, I was having a down moment and all my inner worries came out .

think dignity and peace and a pain free passing are really all you can ask for - sadly we didn't get that, far from it, distressing, painful and lacking in any kind of dignity - not the fault of the staff who were wonderful, just the nature of the condition My everlasting regret which I will carry with me till I die is that the last words he will have heard was me screaming "he's going, I can see it in his eyes" - if only I could have kept quiet

As you say Sylvia - memories will sustain you along with good friends and family - we have 45 good years - a few ups and downs like everyone, but on the whole we were very lucky indeed

my two close friends and my lovely son have been fantastic and even after ten years, they are still there with me and understand so well

How I agree with Ann.
My neighbour has Altzheimers.Very intelligent ex bank manager.his wife handles it very well.he has 6 hours one to one with a carer while she has a bit of respite...they go to singing once a week and exercise ...all part of the service here in Wales.
He must have had it about 8 years and I believe he hasn't deteriorated that much in all that time...you can have conversation with him about things in the past. He will be 81 next month so not too bad.
I lost my husband 15 months ago,but knew he wouldn't last long...well,actually he was given 18 months but lasted 5 years with one to one care...the last 18 months were dreadful.Like Ann's OH he had a lung disease and on top rate oxygen .
I do find life a bit lonely,but have to push myself to go out and try to make a life,and it works...have had a few adventures.
We all get a bit down from time to time and its good to get it off your chest and share.
Think it's always worse coming up to Christmas,so don't feel badly about pouring it out to us.most of us understand.
I go to our local Carers Outreach and they have a drop in morning on Tues and I've met some lovely people there who ,as we've all got something in common,understand as some others can't possibly know what it's like to be the sole carer.Weve got our Christmas dinner coming up and trips organised etc.

Hope this thread helps to know you are not on your own.none of us know what is in store,but you learn to treasure every day.

Brenda x x

Dear Shirley, even those of us who have a Christian faith get the colley wobbles now and again. It isn't a weakness, it isn't being silly, it's part of our human nature.


My OH is now 76 with a heart condition and Parkinson's. I know that his life span is now limited, that even more difficulties lie ahead and that things may well get very distressing.


However, I take comfort not only in my faith, but in knowing that I have and always will, do everything I possibly can to make life better for him. I can do no more.


We have now had over 44 years together. He almost died from his heart condition when he was 50, so each year since has been a blessing. We have had 26 extra years together which we never thought we would have - I must cling onto that thought.


Each new day brings its own challenges but, we are grateful for that new day.


I know I have good family and friends who will help me when the time comes - for come it surely will. Nothing is surer in life than death.


My personal prayer is that he will be taken from me suddenly and peacefully with a dignity which befits him, rather than with the inevitable ravages of his condition - but that is out of my hands.


Meanwhile, take a deep breath and take heart - you are surrounded by much love and wonderful memories. xxx <3

Lovely words Ann - I'm sure they have been a comfort to Shirley, bless her <3

so understandable, you feeling the way you do - Alzheimers is a wicked condition cos it badly affects the wider family too and the victim is often unaware of that fact

I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with - my OH died ten years ago from an incurable untreatable rare lung conditon - given five years but didn't last a year - that last year was unbearable - so much so because neither of us could even discuss it, and when it came it was so sudden and all over in a flash

I believe what you are dealing with is far worse, but you know, now I just think when anything happens - what the heck - what could be worse than what I've already lived through - nothing really matters in the big scheme of things, and years ago when I asked my mother how she felt about dying she said "as you get older it seems to matter less, almost as if you are being prepared for it somehow - nature's way" and I suppose that could very well be true

I think we would all like you to come on these boards whenever you'r feeling a bit down or at your wit's end and let it all out - without a doubt, every one of us can understand to a certain degree and will be here for you any time, all the time

And one thing to always bear in mind through th dark times is remembering all the good times - no doubt you have a shedload as I do

Ann XX <3 <3 <3 <3

Thanks all

Am being a bit silly I think.

Am here so is OH and I need to get a grip .

True i cant alter things and need to just relax and go with the flow and enjoy what we have. I DO and i love him to bits so no problems there in coping with what it throws at him .

Was just having a panic mo and letting it get to me.

Shirley, I think it is perfectly normal to have moments of despair or panic at some time in our lives. The way I look at it there is not a darn thing we can do to change the course of events in life. I just try and enjoy today :-) <3

Not pathetic at all Shirley, and airing your fears is a good thing to do, that way you find that you are not alone.

I'm sure there are lots of people on here who feel the same as you do, perhaps once you see others post you will realise you aren't alone and not at all pathetic.

My Daughter in law works one to one with a lady in her 50's with Alzheimers, there is a lot of help out there for you too, although I realise sometimes you have to find it. Just make sure you look after your own needs as well as hubby's x

Shirley,
My OH is like that too he's had a hip and knee replacement
in the last 4 yrs and just a couple of weeks ago he had a heart attack ,
he's o.k. now but he worries about leaving me alone , i say to him that he's not going anywhere just yet and to stop worrying .. i also worry but i would never let him see me worrying .
But as Barbins glos says this is life and what will be will be .
But think of all the happy years you've had together and all
the happy years your GOING to have together .
Chin up Shirley :-D
Hazelx

I love my hubby of 55 years to bits.

He has health problems now of the Alzheimer type so that is a concern that I may not be able to nurse him through it all . I have reassured him .I hope, that as long as I can cope he wont go in a home.

BUT my old demons have resurfaced in that I panic on me!!

I do know we aint immortal but to think of me not being me anymore gets me all in a panic

I try to think,as my sister did, that the time may come when I think I'm done and \I want to go and hopefully see again Mum & Dad etc.

But at this time all I have is panic if I go down that line

bit pathetic realy :-( :-( :-(

Shirley, Desert Island discs last week was John Lloyd, who woke up one day deeply depressed asking this question, it came from nowhere, he had a good and happy life.
Good thing was he came through it. The programme is well worth a listen, it's not doom and gloom, and maybe of some help to you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/features/desert-island-discs/castaway/45ff0ba0#b01nx32n

Hello Shirley

You have expressed into words my very same thoughts. I, too feel sorry for myself at times. Worrying about my OH,s health and what is round the corner for us both. and I get very scared But...

This is how life is and what will be will be.
We have our kids and their kids to help us along and to pass loving memories on to them.

Think of the good things and know your not alone in your quiet thoughts

Take care
Barbara
.

I am very frightful of the Whats will be will be. (my mums philosophy)

I often think I wish I hadnt been born cos that means I will die which frightens the SHIT out of me.

BUT then I wouldn't have met my hubby and we wouldnt have had our daughter.

We then wouldnt have had grandchildren and grt grandchildren.

BUT as we both get older and health problems kick in then my initial thoughts kick in

Guess its all life's big pattern But its fills me with many big fears.
I remember sitting in the hospital with my big sister and she had given up and I felt so helpless and not wanting her to go,

Think I am having a sorry for myself moment!!