General Chat

If you see a fat man
who's jolly and cute
Wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit.

And if he is chuckling
and laughing away
While flying around
In a miniature sleigh.

With eight tiny reindeer
To pull him along
Then let's face it
Your eggnog's too strong!

My missus asked me for something in silk for christmas.

No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong colour!

:-D

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and the sleigh was broken. Santa was furious. ‘I can’t believe it!’ he yells. ‘I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours – all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel to find one hours ago! What am I going to do?’ Just then, the little angel opens the front door and steps in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. ‘Oi fatty!’ she says. ‘Where d’you want me to stick this?’ And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass. :-) :-) :-)




Q. What does Santa do with fat elves?
A. He sends them to the Elf Farm.

:-D

Q. What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
A. Your teeth!

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker

A Man walks into a kebab shop and sees behind the counter a jolly fellow with a big white beard and red trousers.

The man asks “Excuse me for asking but you look like Father Christmas, are you him?”

Father Christmas replies “Yes I am”

“What are you doing in a Kebab shop?”

“Oh the last few years have been terrible. First it was the Credit Crunch, then the Recession, then the double dip Recession. We kept on over spending on Christmas Presents and we owed thousands, the next thing we knew the Tax Man gave us a huge great big tax bill. Anyway to cut a long story short we lost the lot. Lapland has gone, the Elves have nowhere to live and I’m having to work in this Kebab Shop to make ends meet”

“Oh my goodness that’s terrible”

”Anyway it still upsets me now thinking of all the children that are not getting any presents, can you please change the subject, what is it you came in for?” Santa Replied

“Oh I’m sorry, can I have a Donner Kebab please”

“I’m sorry I’m all out of Donner, I’ve only got Blitzen and Comet left”