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If you are caring for someone...

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Sharron Report 5 Jan 2013 10:01

People like Mr Daff are the real carers.They do proper caring.I am just a facilitator.

Fred is not ill and I don't do bodily functions.I don't even put his washing away but do have to raid his drawers sometimes to see how much of mine he has purloined and to return the underpants he sends upstairs for me!

The nearest I do to selfless caring is to hoist him on to the bed of an afternoon for his kip.

Other than this we are just three people leading our lives although one of us is more inconvenienced than the others.

At least I have some idea where he is these days.He did ship in a girlfriend with dementia before his stroke.Now,that was inconvenient,she was a bolter. I really don't miss playing Hunt the Old Biddy round the village.


BrianW Report 5 Jan 2013 10:31

My BiL who is Downs, 47 but with a pre-school mental age, lives with us.
He cannot read or write or prepare a drink or food but the local authority does at least provide funding for carers so that he can be looked after for a few hours a week and we can get out to do a few jobs or the occasional leisure time.


Sharron Report 5 Jan 2013 10:43

Does he go to a day centre or anything like that Brian?


JustJohn Report 5 Jan 2013 11:04

I feel a bit like an intruder even looking at this thread, but it is lovely and very heart-warming. All these people who need or have needed help are very special and, it seems, very loved. However difficult it is, it seems love conquers all and you soldier on till someone tells you that you have no strength left and, if you don't let go, it will badly affect your own health. Respite care must have its own worries.

If I am spared for another 20 years, I expect I will will be like Geordie's dad. A real cantankerous and independent old man. We are often only happy if we are cantankerous. Hope old boy is ok this morning.


GinN Report 5 Jan 2013 11:39

Thanks, John.
Husband rang earlier from the hospital to say Dad is waiting for Xrays, though it's unlikely he's broken anything. I don't have a lot of patience with him, I'm afraid, so it's just as well my Hubby has!

Lynda :-)


Sharron Report 5 Jan 2013 11:57

Have you ever had much patience with him Lynda? If not,why would you expect to have it now? You are still the same people.

I have always said that the stroke was the old man's not mine.It was never going to turn me into Mother Teresa.


MrDaff Report 5 Jan 2013 13:01

@GiN: Daff had those side restraints on the bed when in hospital - she climbed over them and took a tumble (cut lip, black eye). The other patients in the Ward couldn't get to her in time to stop it and hit the panic button, but it was too late, over she went!

She didn't remember anything about it though, and at least nothing was broken. Nothing to be done short of restraints, and that was not going to happen. You can't prepare for all that can happen, unfortunately.

Hope things okay.... ;-)


~`*`Jude`*`~ Report 5 Jan 2013 13:13

l have just listened to the words and l cant stop crying , just got sister on the phone she coming roundl just want to hug her .
thank MrDaff....lwas told to keep my distance from sister so she can learn to cope on her own, but shes so so sad

jude x

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 5 Jan 2013 13:21

I too remember Daff so well.I didn't post so much from 2009 much as I was full time carer,I was a carer from 2006 but was so much worse as time went on.
I talked to Daff and if my memory serves me right helped her to find a convict to Oz?
She was such a lovely person.

My husband had pulmonary fibrosis,diabetic ,incontinent and on 36 plus tablets a day not to mention 2 machines pumping the highest oxygen out day and night ....The last two years till he died in Aug 2011 were horrendous and I had no respite as I knew he was in his comfort zone at home.There were times when I despaired how long I could go on,and as most have said I had to have a friend to unload to at times.
I had a lady from Crossroads charity come and sit with him for two hours in the last year which enabled me to do a "supermarket dash".
Apart from that I had a carer come in to wash him,but they are never around when you need them getting him into bed unless he would go to bed at 8 pm,so I had to lift his legs ..and he was over 6ft and not easy..but I persevered until his oxygen levels were so low he had to go into hospital...and that wasn't a good experience as he was pushed around.
I am listening now to my friend who listened to me as she is in a similar position and says I am the only one who understands.

Sharron.....I have leg bags night bags still,all sealed up and no one wants them.Ive tried homes etc but they send off for their own.District nurses don't want them.I am of an age where I loathe waste...couldn't they be sent to a poor country?
I also have sealed sheath catheters.I gave the "huggies" as my oh called them to my friend to use so that is fine.
I empathise with anyone who has the task of caring on a long time one to one.
It is a hard job to do....but you know....I'd do it all again if I had to.!


Merlin Report 5 Jan 2013 13:31

Brenda, If you have a "Hospice" in your area,perhaps they would find a use for them ,as they mostly rely on charity I would think they would be most grateful .**M**.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 5 Jan 2013 14:20


I have tried the hospice where OH died and they don't want them...


MrDaff Report 5 Jan 2013 14:40

Brenda, have you tried McMillan's ? Even if they won't take them, they may be able to advise on an alternative from of disposal?

I was fortunate in that St Davids Hospice took all except already open packets of items.



GinN Report 5 Jan 2013 15:54

Just seen your above posting, Sharron. He drove my Mam crazy when she was alive, so I knew just what to expect after she died, but at least he is a bit more gracious to me than he was to her.
I suppose my Hubby feels more patience because he's not so attached, but then, he is a very caring sort.



Sharron Report 5 Jan 2013 16:06

Brenda,I did the trying to get rid of hundreds of leg bags routine.I had not realized that seven night bags equal one leg bag and filled the cupboard.

The nigght of a power cut he had to go into a local rest home and I mentioned to the manager.She was only too pleased to take them.


BrianW Report 5 Jan 2013 16:23

I had bags and catheters after my prostate cancer op and the clinic at the hospital was happy to take bake the unused excess when I no longer needed them.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 5 Jan 2013 20:29

Thank you for your replies about disposal of items...I will have another go!


UzziInSunshine Report 5 Jan 2013 21:33

Mr Daff a better YT is

Thank you for this.


Wend Report 5 Jan 2013 22:00

Thankyou too Uzzi xxx


MrDaff Report 5 Jan 2013 22:48

Uzzi, yes, I think a better recording ....... tk u <3
Don't need the video though...just close my eyes to see ...



Suzanne Report 5 Jan 2013 23:44

you should all give yourselfs a medal.

but of course all you have all done for your loved ones,youve done with love <3 <3 <3