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If you are being cared for .................

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


ChrisofWessex Report 5 Jan 2013 13:31

(MrDaff's thread prompted this) do not forget to say 'thank you', if appropriate 'I love you', curb your impatience/frustration at not being able to do what you were previously capable of doing, try to ease the burden on your carer by doing what you can do and perhaps pushing forward a little - you may find you can. If you have enjoyed your meal - say so.

OH has been my carer for 3 years now since my 6 month stay in hospital and sometimes I feel a bit down and have a little moan - OH always says 'you are breathing and here aren't you?' He is so right.

We still love each other and say so daily, laugh a lot, have the odd scrap or so (not serious). My stair lift is named 'the broomstick'.

I try to do what I can to help - I organise a big delivery shop every few weeks, taken back again the household admin (bills/insurance etc). Organise a suggestions dinner menu (2 weeks at a time). Go through cook books/google recipes. Have a lady in for couple of hours a week - she is a lovely young lady, will do whatever we want - one week it was help me sort out wardrobe - those sort of things can niggle.

At the moment OH has emptied linen cupboard (at my request) whilst I sort linen out.
He does get in a faff with the duvet covers - at the moment our K/S is squashed into a double cover!

I am told by lifelong friend/relatives that I was always busy and how do I cope now? I suppose I was lucky in one respect that after all those months I had to learn to walk again and that after 8 months it was a milestone when one night I managed to wriggle onto my left side instead of on my back! So after that anything is a bonus.

If we can help our carer in any way, if it is only matching up the socks, having the contents of the linen cupboard dumped on the bed, sitting on a chair in the kitchen and directing, yet again, order out of chaos in the larder - then do it. You feel essential and carer will appreciate it.

Last but definitely not least, your carer does need time off to have fun/relax. OH does have 9 holes of golf weekly - not a lot but hoping this spring to manage 18 - the club is only 4 miles away. Is a member at a racecourse - so enjoys that.

I am fortunate in that I do not suffer pain - just can't breathe!!!!

It is also true that out there is someone worse off than us. Take care.



ChrisofWessex Report 5 Jan 2013 23:03

Just looked at this again and thought I may come over as holier-than-thou which I am not.

Reading MrDaff's thread re carer's thoughts/feelings made me think of the other side of the fence and how we can ease the burden on them.

I am definitely open to suggestions! Recently I dream of dancing - always a vienesse waltz - not Oh who love him has two left feet, miss baking and designing and decorating cakes with sugarcraft flowers, cocoa painting/smocking/embroidery etc.


MrDaff Report 5 Jan 2013 23:19

Chris, honestly, just being there eases things <3

Daff also suffered from two major cardiac's that left her with Hypoxia, resulting in no short-term memory at all, and she struggled with longer term ones.

But she was still my Daff, no matter what.

Just be you; talk about what you'd have liked/would like, but there's no need to 'change', honestly.



ChrisofWessex Report 5 Jan 2013 23:26

No, if either of us changed it would not be the same. There times when I see him getting tired and I feel guilty that I cannot physically get up and help. So I try to do what I can.

I think love and laughter get us through as it has done our marriage. Daff is greatly missed and by you, most of all. Take care and thank you


maggiewinchester Report 5 Jan 2013 23:43

You two have made water come out of my eyes.


Sylvia Report 5 Jan 2013 23:49

Mine to . Love to you both xx


Neubie Report 5 Jan 2013 23:54

Chris .
The best way to help the people who care for you is to be honest about your fears , anger, future worries for the rest of the family , if and when you will not be there for them anymore.
Let them know the fact you may get really frustrated that they have to do things for you that you once could do easily for yourself.
The people I care for will be gone very soon now but I am so glad I had the chance to listen to how they felt , their fears and how they wanted things to be done once they were gone. I still love them , it is the illness that changes them but they are still the people I love and will always love
they are no longer in a position to tell me this but I know that I can now act on their behalf when the time comes knowing I am doing things the way they wanted me to. <3


ChrisofWessex Report 6 Jan 2013 00:10

Don't cry Maggie and Sylvia -unless it is with laughter! Neubie, we do talk - a lot - always have done. I have a habit of finishing his sentences whilst he asks 'who is telling this - you or me?'

OH's feelings are of relief as apparently on many occasions it was very much touch and go. I was quite happy in fairy land unaware of anything.

Mind you I have said for many years (long before she died) that whenever I got to the Pearly Gates and my mother was there - I was coming back - and I reckon that is exactly what happened! :-D