General Chat

Between us my OH and I have eight grandchildren. I have three ages from 13 to 21. OH has 5 ages from 2 – 6. They are all different and delightful in there own way, they mostly get along and play extremely well ( the smaller ones that is) Our four year old grandson however is cheating when they are playing any sort of game and stomps off if he is losing. I have noticed it for quite a while, but recently it is becoming more obvious, on Sunday we were playing with a new game, and I saw him sorting through to get the high scoring cards, so I said “you must not do that, that is not in the rules” he looked down at the table and said “these are MY rules”. So I said "No, thats cheating" he then just cleared the cards away. I have mentioned this to OHs son and I have heard him tell the little chap off, but I really feel bad that he will grow up thinking it is acceptable to cheat, or break the rules.

He is little, I think you will find he will grow out of it. But you are right he needs to know it is not acceptable. I think they almost all go through that stage. I think ours changed when they were old enough to have it explained that there is no satisfaction in winning if you yourself know that you only won because you cheated. At least 3 of ours were really bad losers though, tears if they lost.

I think we have to learn not to mind when others win Paula, and I'd say most children go through a phase of not liking to lose, some suss it out sooner than others. Although my late Mother in Law hated to lose a game with her Grandchildren, and although she wouldn't cheat ( well I don't think she did) if the kids won, she'd have to say something like, "you cheated" or I'll beat you next time. With my children and Grandchildren, I let them win some games, but as they got older I'd let them lose fair and square.

Hopefully your Grandson, once at school, realises that you win some, you lose some, or his friends will tell him :-D

A lad after my own heart, Paula+ Win at all costs. Sounds like a budding politician to me.

Children are all so different. And we often grow up that way too. My wife was such a good little girl (according to my late fil) and still is so gentle and lovely - like you, I think.

My nickname at school was gremlin, and I had to earn that. And, nice and polite as I am today (and lovely) there is still a bit of gremlin there ;-)

Thank you Ann. I do hope he grows out of it, he is such a lovely, happy loving little boy. His Mother is very very competitive and hates losing when we have all been playing any sort of games, and does the “air punch “ when she wins, and scowls if she is losing, so I think that he may just be seeing how she behaves. I think the best part of winning is knowing that you did so fair and square. Oh dear now I am beginning to sound like my lovely father

Lord help me John, I do so hope he does not become a politician. Life is all about winning and losing, its how you handle each of them that measures the person you are.

What if your grandson eventually has a second home with a moat and large grounds, and asks his gran and granddad to look after it for him rent free. Will that test your principles? Plus you will be the gran of a Peer of the Realm and invited to Buck House as an old lady:-D ;-)

Card playing amused me. When I was about 7, I used to go on holiday with my elderly gran (about 70 but seemed incredibly ancient) and two of my gran's cousins who were similarly aged.

One of the aunts was a cantankerous old spinster and would not lose at anything. I used to have to join my gran to play these two aunts at Canasta each evening. Well, we were all back to normal behaviour the following morning, but it was like a war zone each evening when the maid brought us tea and biscuits before she retired to her quarters about 8pm :-D :-D. Never have I seen so much misere.

Tell you what, I remember those two aged aunts with great affection to this day. One (Nellie) really lovely, gentle and kind, one (Betty) like Margaret Thatcher on drugs. But what characters :-D :-D

@ John "What if your grandson eventually has a second home with a moat and large grounds, and asks his gran and granddad to look after it for him rent free. Will that test your principles? Plus you will be the gran of a Peer of the Realm and invited to Buck House as an old lady "

I do not have a clue what you are talking about.

Not many people Do Paul+,I think its a Wannabe Druid thing. :-D

Paula,
He is only 4, after all. Although to we adults, this seems outrageous, he is at that age unable to understand the merits of winning fairly.! Also, a different generation to us have different attitudes. i.e. it is important to win, whereas we were taught, its playing the game that is important, not winning or losing. I think alot of those things in life have been left behind.
I would just let the children get on with it, and not interfere too much. His peers will sort him out themselves, when they are old enough to bother :-)

When hes cheating just make sure he doesnt win,,,,he will ever wonder ......how come he didnt.......

they all mainly grow out of it,as I think we've all had the stomping its not fair when children lose.

Yes Sue I am sure you are right, he is still young and hopefully he will learn. I have come across many people in my working life who have the mentality of "win at all costs" , for some this may seem to be the right attitude, but I think this just makes losing harder.

Please encourage him to play fair.
My OH can´t bear to lose at anything & if I beat him at cards, he accuses me(quite seriously) of cheating & sulks for hours.
But then, he´s only 64.

@ Wisechild Thank you, I will continue to encourage him, and lately other members of the family (excluding his Mummy) have started to tell him not to cheat. His two year old brother is a liltle toughie and I can see feathers flying as he gets older if he continues.

Paula.
It´s not an endearing trait in an adult, not being able to lose gracefully.
I´m sure he will grow out of it, especially when his cousins/siblings make it clear they know what he´s up to.
Marion

I agree Marion, I can see this trait in his Mummy and that is the cause for my concern.

I love my grandaughter dearly, she is 10 but she is not above telling a lie to get herself out of trouble, or to save herself doing something she doesn't want to. When we looked after her recently I asked her if she had any homework. She said no, and that she had done it earlier in the week. (this was a weekend). When her parents were home, we were still staying with them and Mum suggested she fetch her reading homework to do with her. (apparently she'd been told to tell me that it was ok she would do her reading with her Mum when she came home) Why she had chosen to lie about it only she knows. But when I said 'but you said you didn't have any homework'. She was sooo embarrassed at being found out and told to apologise for lying, I think she'll think twice next time. Not nice being found out!! :-D