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Winter fuel allowance

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

George_of_Westbury

George_of_Westbury Report 18 Jan 2013 18:44

WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whisky
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.




George

supercrutch

supercrutch Report 18 Jan 2013 18:57

Nowt wrong with supporting Guatemala George :-D It might lower my son's tax bill ;-)

StrayKitten

StrayKitten Report 18 Jan 2013 19:02

lmaoo wish i got a winter fuel allowance :-|

Budgie Rustler

Budgie Rustler Report 18 Jan 2013 19:39

Give it time Stray babe, give it time :-D xx

StrayKitten

StrayKitten Report 18 Jan 2013 19:43

hahahahaha ;-)

Wend

Wend Report 18 Jan 2013 19:50

You have to be old and creaky Stray - just make the most of being young and nubile and put another sweater on :-P :-D

RolloTheRed

RolloTheRed Report 18 Jan 2013 21:06

About this time of year I get a nice cheque, terrific. Covers squash club sub for a few months. Makes up a very little bit for all the years paying high rate tax.
;-)

StrayKitten

StrayKitten Report 18 Jan 2013 21:11

haha wend ill just crank up the heating, its great to be warm who needs food n loo roll haha :-D

MrDaff

MrDaff Report 18 Jan 2013 22:10

You have to be 60+ to qualify (Gov website) .

The 'qualifying date' for this winter (2012/13) is "being born before 5 July 1951".

Now, I'm not brilliant at math, but ...... 2012 minus 1951 does not equal 60.

..... but when you ask about this, you are told 'well, you don't count the current tax year in the calculation' .....

Therefore, you need to be 61 and born prior to 5 July 51 to qualify. So if you are 61 now, and born after 5 July 51, you won't actually qualify until your .... yeah, nearing 62?

Therefore where does '60' come into it then? No wonder our economic situation is dire :-S

jax

jax Report 18 Jan 2013 22:34

Ummm OH is 60 next week and although did'nt expect anything this winter...thought he might have got something next year...oh well at least he can make use of the free prescriptions instead

+++DetEcTive+++

+++DetEcTive+++ Report 18 Jan 2013 23:54

The date you qualify is linked to the retirement age for women, which is accelerating towards 66. :-(

Loved the suggestions on how to spend it! :-D

RolloTheRed

RolloTheRed Report 19 Jan 2013 12:36

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1. Spending it at car boot sales - all selling stuff liberated by Romanians
2. Going to night clubs - run up and down by Poles and Russians
3. Spending it on prostitutes - managed from the sub continent as advertised in the Daily Mail
4. Buying beer or whisky - from Scotland, Denmark and Australia, not sure if Warrington counts
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo - they don't do wrinklies
6. Visiting a bookie - best option

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Last time I went out in the snow aviation, I.T., hand made furniture, biotech, cars, woolly jumpers and even the Leicester rag trade doing pretty well :-)

I do find it odd that people of working age get heating allowance, bus passes etc etc - it is the EU view on age equality, same logic makes women pay more for car insurance. They should do so of course as a zillion parking dents cost a lot more then a full on with a passing tree. In France they have dealt with the problem of tree bad driving by chopping them down ...

I suppose none of this is very pc. Tant pis.

:-D

RolloTheRed

RolloTheRed Report 19 Jan 2013 12:53

Women seem to live to well over 90 if they lay off the hard stuff and fags. Men on the other hand rarely get past 80. Surprisingly the single ones do even worse. Any ideas? Horse burgers ?

Thus on the grounds of equality it would seem logical that women worked until they were 80 and men 70 giving 10 years for free all around. Like it or not funding 30 years retirement is impossible.

O larf if you wish or gnash your teeth but the latest statement (this week) from the Treasury is that the retirement age will to be kept under constant review in line with actual death records ( and not acturial projections.)

Did you know that the civil service has done a deal that their pensions will not be mucked around with for at least 25 years ? Yippee for the DWP.

wisechild

wisechild Report 19 Jan 2013 14:28

Spare a thought for those of us on the basic State Pension who, although we may live abroad, have cold winters to contend with & actually use the payment to help cover our bills.