General Chat

Are hobgoblins good at cleaning rooms?
I was thinking of getting a Dyson but would a hobgoblin be better? I know Dysons are very good at picking up dirt because of their cyclone type thingy mechanism but does a hobgoblin suck?

Have to consult the ORACLE. about that one. :-D

Its probably being googled as we speak :-D

:-D :-D :-D :-D

Dysons are far too heavy

The Grim reaper came for me last night, but I fought him off with a vacuum cleaner: I was Dyson with Death :-D

Fireman Sam has been cited for 'playing' with a Postman's cat, whilst simultaneously 'stoking Thomas', apparently.

Must be true, it was on Google....????

*slaps Mr. Daff for being unkind to a famous resident of Pontypandy* ;-) Thomas needs the Fat Controller to sort out Sam.

I thought the joke was bloody funny :-D I guess you wouldn't if cyanide, straying husbands, wives or innocent chemists resonate, or you'd had a humour bypass.

a humour bypass indeed :-D :-D :-D

New Drugs For Women

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?.."

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of
spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving
the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do"

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills , Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

ROFLMAO and do you know I actually seem to be acquainted with a lady that obviously combined a couple of those drugs in post one ;-) :-D ;-) :-D

:-D

I must laugh at almost every joke on here, even those aimed at me personally. But, sorry, I did not find the first joke at all funny. Does that make me a bad person? Obviously ;-)

And I did chuckle at both of Eeyore's posts :-D

Suspect the unfunniest joke ever on Genes will get the greatest number of posts eventually. :-S

"Allan Report 1 Feb 2013 22:05
The Grim reaper came for me last night, but I fought him off with a vacuum cleaner: I was Dyson with Death "

Now THAT made me laugh

:-D

That was good our Rose :-D

each to his or her own - I found it hilarious whereas crude, purile and weak jokes about things like women's bodies leave me somewhat cold

we know you didn't like my posting - you've told us ad nauseum so as I asked you before - shove off somewhere else and let us with a sense of humour enjoy this thread - please!!
!the best joke you came up with was your mate Archdruid Wotsit - now that was hysterical

Druid walks into a pub.

Landlord says, "oi, you're Bard!"

It was even funnier when he posted that he was not John :-)