General Chat

Did you hear about the ‘Dial-A-Prayer’ telephone service for agnostics? You dial the number and no one answers.

A boy is wandering through a hotel when he hears amorous sounds coming from a room. Curious he opens the door to an unlit room. ‘Wow,’ he says. ‘It’s dark in here!’ A man shouts out, ‘Clear off and leave us alone!’ Startled, the boy shuts the door and runs away. Later that evening the boy passes the hotel laundry room and, again, hears amorous sounds coming from inside. He opens the door and says, ‘Wow. It’s dark in here!’ Again, a man shouts, ‘Go away and leave us alone!’ And the boy shuts the door and runs away. Next day the boy’s mother takes him to his first confession. The boy enters the confessional box and says, ‘Wow. It’s dark in here.’ The priest says, ‘Are you following me around, you little bast*rd?’

:-D

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

:-D :-D The old ones are always the best........

:-)

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a pushcart vendor yelling, "Hot dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please!" says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in a soft brogue whispers, "What part did you get?"

:-D :-D :-D

Roy

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

ROFLMAO too...... :-D :-D :-D

ROFLMAO :-D :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My good man, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied.

"Imagine that," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologised. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."