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Good manners.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

wisechild

wisechild Report 19 Feb 2013 13:23

I asked for some info from the Genes team last week & got a very helpful reply. I automatically e mailed back to say thank you.
I was a bit surprised when I got an e mail from the girl´s line manager thanking me for taking the time to thank her.
To me it was just common courtesy.

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 19 Feb 2013 10:14

And something else I have rememebered. Any visitor at door or telephone call would result in wireless, radio, record player, gramaphone, Television being switched off automatically.

And visitors included your gran from up the road, your cousin, an uncle or aunt, a friend of your parents. Even the tradesman at the door collecting his money.

Thank you for reading this :-)

GeordiePride

GeordiePride Report 19 Feb 2013 09:58

Good Morning everyone. I hope you are all keeping well.
At school during the late 1940's early 1950's we had to stand as soon as the teacher entered the classroom then told to be seated. If during a lesson the headmaster came in we immediately had to stand again until he gave the order to sit. Very strict in those days.
After completing my mother's messages she would say if any of the neighbours want anything from the shops you do not refuse. I didn't mind really as I would get twopence or threepence for going.

GP

Mersey

Mersey Report 19 Feb 2013 09:55

Good manners is a way of life it takes nothing to have them if you are brought up right and have the respect of those around you.......

From when I was tiny holding my Grandads hand going for walks he always said "Good Morning" to whomever walked past and made eye contact.....they didnt always return the good morning and that was fine by him, he always said it made a difference to his day and if anyone replied that was an added bonus..... I have always done exactly the same , although now I find more people grunt back an answer or look at me as if im an alien LOL, but it still doesnt put me off....

As for please and thank you surely if its instilled in you and you are brought up with manners they stay with you.......

Being brought up on a market stall from a very young age and going out with Dad meeting new people all the time I was always told that if you treat people how you would want to be treated and have a smile and respect them no matter who it is you cant go wrong, do not get me wrong that is not always the case but most of the time it works.......

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 19 Feb 2013 09:26

I'm good. And you?

If we think back to 50's,
- you had to raise school caps to all teachers otherwise detention.
- you had to give up your seat on bus to an elderly person (aged over about 45) and a lady of any age
- you had to walk on outside of pavement so that water from lorries splashed you first
- you had to pay for everything at pictures
- you had to call your boss sir
- you had to open the passenger doors if a lady got in your car
- you had to help old people across the road (even if they didn't want to go - their own fault for loitering)

What a different world 50/60 years ago.

Thank you very much for the thread, Dermot :-)

Barbra

Barbra Report 19 Feb 2013 09:12

Its sad now how people ignore you .just a simple thanks .would be enough, upsets me you have to prompt children when you give them a gift or even their parents .people live by example .I know my sons get annoyed when they hold a door or step back for someone .its not young uns all ages do it shame ..give respect to earn it doesnt always work. but there you go .we are all different mere mortals in an ever changing society Barbra :-(

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 19 Feb 2013 04:54

If I hold the door for someone in a shop etc and they sweep by without a word, I say loudly 'Thank you would have been nice!' Most of them look at me as if I am mad but some do say Oh sorry, thanks. I don't know what gives people the right to think they are above others, and can treat them like servants.

I probably come across as a grumpy old woman but will say that if I get good service in a shop or somewhere I will try and pass on my compliments to the manager in the hope it helps the assistant get good reports.

Lizx

Sharron

Sharron Report 18 Feb 2013 18:46

If I let somebody through when I am driving and they don't thank me I stick two fingers up at them.

Ifthey can't see me letting them through they can't see that either!

vera2010

vera2010 Report 18 Feb 2013 18:38

I don't ever remember being taught either at school or home to be well mannered I suppose it was just the norm then for people to be well mannered towards others. I do wonder however, whether as Wisechild has said just asking for what you want is sufficient. Do we really need to say please and thank you all the time.

I agree older people can be very ill mannered, middle aged (as at the checkout the other day rushing to get in front) and I must say not noticed any particularly ill mannered youngsters around here.

One thing I remember from the past was that any male member of the family always stood up when a female came to the house and you always saw someone to the door when they left. Oh yes and men always walked on the outside of the pavement.

Vera

BrianW

BrianW Report 18 Feb 2013 17:57

The words "No thank you" and "I am very well, thank you" seem to have been replaced by "I'm fine" and "I'm good".
If I offer someone a drink for example "I'm fine" seems to be answering the health question.
If I ask about someone's health why do they tell me how moral they are?

Dermot

Dermot Report 18 Feb 2013 17:11

Thank you all for your various comments.

For most of us, saying ‘thank you’ is an everyday occurrence & face to face at least, the words should trip out of our mouths by habit. But as much communication these days is by electronics, perhaps the sender forgets the niceties which we usually expect.

Expressing appreciation has an important psychological role to play for both the person giving & the one receiving. Gesture means everything.

♥†۩ Carol   Paine ۩†♥

♥†۩ Carol Paine ۩†♥ Report 18 Feb 2013 15:34

My parents taught me table manners & that I should respect my elders, before I went to school. I may have not liked all my teachers but I would never have thought to answer them back as children do now.
I was brought up in a home where no-one swore, everyone said please & thank you, now I have my own home, children & Grandchildren it is the same.
It seems the common thing to blame school teachers for children’s bad manners, but surely it is the parents /carers who are there in their early years that are to blame. Young children sat in front of a television watching unsuitable programmes, or sat in pushchairs in coffee shops/bars, hear & see language/actions which their young brains think of as normal, when it is far from so
Many tears ago a neighbours son came into our home to play with my son, in his home the language was quite foul all of the time but he knew that in ours it was very different. I was in the next room, heard the dominoes they were setting up fall & him swear, then say “OH s**t now I’ve got to go home”. I told him it was ok that time but any more & he went home. To this day 30 years on he does not swear in this house, though from his parents the strong language still carries across the gardens to ours.

Paula+

Paula+ Report 18 Feb 2013 15:05

@ Sharron. I am not blaming the children, however I still maintain it is the parents responsibility to look after their children. It is up to them to deal with them if they are getting bored or need attention and not at the expense of other diners. If they are allowed to run around then they will think this is acceptable behaviour. I say this as a grandparent with three teenage and five younger grandchildren. We all eat out together regularly and they are expected to behave, when one of them gets a bit fractious they are taken away from the table for a while and brought back again. This is respectful to others in the restaurant.



Sharron

Sharron Report 18 Feb 2013 14:31

I can't remember having any respect for my teachers.

I really can't hold an adult who hits a child with a stick in any esteem. They would not be very likely to hit another adult with one. Had they showed us any respect we would,no doubt have returned it.

As for children running amok. Put yourself in their place. They probably don't know what they are supposed to do. Often children running about in pubs and restaurants are being excluded by the rest of the party and don't know what they should do in a strange place.

Guinevere

Guinevere Report 18 Feb 2013 14:29

Very odd. I'd have shifted my son out of that school ASAP.

First time I've ever heard of such a thing.

Porkie_Pie

Porkie_Pie Report 18 Feb 2013 14:21

Guinevere, Yes i did, They stood by what my son was taught and told me respect is NOT something you earn, but it is your right, that was in 1981

Roy

Guinevere

Guinevere Report 18 Feb 2013 14:16

What a strange school your son went to, Roy. Did you question them about what you were told?

I've taught in a lot of schools and not one would have taught that.

Porkie_Pie

Porkie_Pie Report 18 Feb 2013 14:14

There have always been people with no manners but they where a minority back in the day,

It's my opinion that their are 3 things that have changed over the years that has led to the situation we have today,

Discipline, respect and Rights

I remember when my oldest came home from school and i pulled him up on something,

I said show some respect, only to be lectured by him on the subject, He was taught at school that respect was his right and a given, and so before he could show respect to anyone else he had the right for them to show him respect first,

Now in my day respect was something that you had to earn and not a right

I soon put him right,

His generation are now parents

When you have no respect you will rarely find discipline but you will always find these people always no their rights

Happy that my children always show respect have discipline and "understand" their rights

Roy

wisechild

wisechild Report 18 Feb 2013 13:53

In Spain, people look at you as though you have lost your marbles if you say please or thank you.
If my husband wants something, he just says "give me" & this is quite normal although I often want to tell him he´s an ignorant pig. He isn´t. It´s just how things are done here.
I have come to terms with waiting for a conversation to end in shops/banks/etc. After all, they were talking before I went into the premises.
Even after living here for 7 years I still find what seems to me to be sheer ignorance hard to live with. :-| :-| :-|

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 18 Feb 2013 13:50

Manners went the way of common sense, a good generation or even two ago!

My o.h. didn't teach his kids table manners or how to behave in public, they were noisy when we took them to the theatre to a panto (in the wrong places I might add) and put their feet on the seats in front etc etc They had never been taken to a theatre before. I have seen video of them out and about when young and they are unruly and inconsiderate of others, it's sad. The younger son is still the same, very selfish, luckily the older one has a wife now who has changed him a little and he is a bit better altho sadly he seems to be bringing his child up to be noisy when out (they don't go out to eat because she won't behave etc) and no please and thank you at home.

I get really riled when I see children being allowed to run riot on pavements with the parents deep in conversation on their phones or with friends, the child could run out into traffic (as sadly happened in our county last year) or run into elderly people. I saw one woman with a child who ran up to someone's dog and touched it without asking if ok and safe to do so, the dog owner pulled the dog away, and then the child went by a greengrocers and started picking up sticks of rhubarb and waving them about before throwing them down on the display box again. The mother totally ignored all behaviour. I did say something to o.h. as we passed her so that she heard me, I couldn't help it.

Lizx