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Have you a favourite child? Do you understand it?

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

+++DetEcTive+++

+++DetEcTive+++ Report 24 Feb 2013 12:43

As parents, we may not realise that we favour one child over another. Outsiders or, when they are are older the children, may look back and think that one was the favourite.

No 2 children are the same, and often have to be approached differently. That, to the sibling, may seem to be favouritism.

The eldest is usually the 'trail blaser' and has to fight for the right to do something. By the time the younger siblings get to the same stage, we as parents are more experienced and possibly mellowed. So the eldest thinks the younger is the 'favourite' because there wasn't the same fight/objections?

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 24 Feb 2013 12:41

she was a hard woman - still perhaps after 12 children [one died] I suppose I can understand to a point - they were reasonably well heeled though and she was a snob - when my father announced he was marrying my mother - she was from "the wrong side of the tracks" she immediately evicted him from the family home :-D

when her youngest but one son was killed in WW1 when he was only 19 she just said "well, he was a terrible one for the girls" :-S

JustGinnie

JustGinnie Report 24 Feb 2013 12:39

Like everyone has said each child is different but as long as each child feels loved and accepted for who they are then in my eyes that is right.

I can also understand what PigletsPal means as we have noticed with a SiL that the middle child was treated worse than the eldest and youngest in that family but the parents would never accept that was the case.

Also as Chris says not all parents are loving so I fully understand why some people don't love or like their parents. I didn't feel close to my parents but I mourned both when they died as much for what could have been as the loss of them. Hopefully that makes sense.
If you have a good relationship with your parents treasure.

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 24 Feb 2013 12:34

Ann what a dreadful thing to say about a child. Some parents are very cruel.

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 24 Feb 2013 12:29

my sister has always favoured her daughter over her son

my mother in law had four sons and four daughters - the daughters and their husbands were tops for her, along with their children

her sons however, and their wives and children were not treated as family

my paternal grandmother had eleven children, only four were daughters and they were the cream, except one - she was the loveliest but had a bad turn in her eye - gran always referred to her as the "blot on the landscape"

ZZzzz

ZZzzz Report 24 Feb 2013 11:57

Only have one, we found out what caused him, don't like him at the moment he is a 30 year old teenager but love him lots :-D

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 23 Feb 2013 21:27

Glad to see we all feel the same, there are times when one child will need you more (illness, support/problems) and then it will be the other one the next time.

I have felt there were times when I could have seen the back of mine but I still loved them and am proud of them.

Hayley - as to not loving ones mother, some of us were not as lucky in our parents as others were which is why I fell over backwards NOT to repeat her behaviour.

If you read the Narissistic Mothers thread perhaps you will understand why.
Not all mothers or fathers, come to that, are loving and caring.

DazedConfused

DazedConfused Report 23 Feb 2013 18:14

As an only child with no children I speak only from the outside looking in at my friends and other parents.

Most will tell you they do not have a favourite, however, I think many on the outside like me would say that most parents do treat all their children differently and with preferences (and would all object if told so)

My friend was the youngest of 5 and we all knew that the middle child was the favourite. One of my ex sil - her favourite was her middle son. Now both of these mothers would be horrified if told they were treating one child differently.

It always looks different from the outside :-)

Kay????

Kay???? Report 23 Feb 2013 17:28


Like others,,,,,,,they are poles apart but equal,no favourites.



My little brother was favourite,,,,,only because we made him faultless and was an age gap difference from us others,he was a premature at 2lb 6 ozs a big deal in the day.... :-D :-D........but he wasnt loved anymore.....just treated special .

SuffolkVera

SuffolkVera Report 23 Feb 2013 16:10

I can't imagine having a favourite child. My two have totally different personalities and talents and so we've maybe treated them a bit differently at times but that's because we were trying to cater to their needs. Always loved them equally though.

As a child and young teenager I was a bit jealous of my younger brother as I thought my father preferred him to me, although I was always sure of my dad's love. As I got older I realised that dad had made such a fuss of my brother's pre-school years because he had missed out on mine, being away in the army till I was 4. That must have been true of a lot of wartime children.

JoyBoroAngel

JoyBoroAngel Report 23 Feb 2013 15:37

i love my daughter best because she is my daughter
and i love my son the best because he is my son :-D :-D

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 23 Feb 2013 13:26

I have enjoyed all 3 of our children and loved them equally.
Their dad was away alot at times in their childhood, but we still found time to all spend time together and share special moments.
Like Maggie there have been times when one or other has been easier to get along with, but we have always resolved any issues..
Now as adults they will often ask if I want to go with them, eg this week daughter had her car serviced in Canterbury, so we combined that with a visit to the shops together and a light lunch out.
I try not to intrude on their lives and don't keep checking on them, but am happy to see them if they pop in and we always try to all meet together for any family birthdays.

I only have one grandchild, a teenager, and he will always be special for me, but should there be any more in the future they will be loved equally.

Gwyn

Hayley   Empress of Drama

Hayley Empress of Drama Report 23 Feb 2013 13:12

I have to agree with Mel ,being a mother of 3 I couldnt single one out as my fav and funny enough I have just been having this conversation with Muffy.

All 3 of mine have different personalities, I love them equally, I have 2 boys and 1 girl she is the youngest , I treat them accordling to their perosnalities for instance I couldnt see me having a conversation with my oldest about shoes and so on as I my girl wouldnt be interested in the football,but all 3 love a gossip :-D A lot people think my girl is my fav as I seem to talk about her more but she just happens to be around me more than the lads do.

I noticed when all 3 start school the differance then, I was so excited with my eldest i wanted to hear all about his day he wasnt interested in discussing it at all, with both of the boys actually they had been to school done their day now they were home and wanted to get on with that, where as girls not only would they tell you but they'd role play and relive their day with you, many the times Itsmytelly and I were told we going to be seperated in to groups whilst we were trying to watch the soaps and then each given a task, I knew exactly what she had been doing that day.


and to finally answer your question Chris , absoloutely NOT I find it strange to have a fav child as I find it equally strange not to love ones own mother.

:-(

OneFootInTheGrave

OneFootInTheGrave Report 23 Feb 2013 13:04

My brother was two years younger than me and he was named after my grandfather on my mother's side and was his favourite. That grandfather bought my brother a camel coat for his sixth birthday, my bother and I went out to play, and a little while later I came back home on my own, my mum shouted where is your brother and I told her I had lost him, but it was alright as I had got his coat :-)

FootieAngel

FootieAngel Report 23 Feb 2013 13:00

I love all 3 of mine equally but for different reasons and this is because they are all very different. They all make me proud daily. I have alwes felt blessed and priveledged to be their Mum. I guess I feel lucky to have such well mannered and polite young adults who are flourishing before me and helping me through life and show maturity beyond their years (and if I had listened to so called specialists - beyond their ability). They have never let me down though I feel I often let them down but they dont see my faults has others do x

Paula+

Paula+ Report 23 Feb 2013 12:50

Me too AnnC. I could not ask for better <3 <3

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 23 Feb 2013 12:49

only have one son and he's definitely my most favourite!!!!

SheilaWestWilts

SheilaWestWilts Report 23 Feb 2013 12:42

Of my OH's three, one was definitely a favourite of their mother, and it has been the basis of much trouble in recent years :-(

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 23 Feb 2013 12:34

Definitely not.
I have two girls, they're like chalk & cheese.
I will admit that one was more difficult to 'like' at certain times, but then the other one went through a 'difficult' stage and the tables were turned..
I still loved them, both equally, but maybe liked one more than the other at certain times, neithr was a favourite and I love their differences :-D

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 23 Feb 2013 12:20

Reported in press this week that, I think it was, one in ten parents admitted to having a favourite.

I know two of my friends over the years quite freely admit this. I cannot understand it, I have a son and daughter, love them equally for different reasons - same with my g.dau. and gson.