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The British Newspaper Archive

British Newspaper Archive

Read about historical events at the time they were happening. Perhaps you'll discover your ancestor in their local newspaper?

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'Ave a laff

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Ron2

Ron2 Report 3 Mar 2013 20:10



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED CITIZEN. ‘



2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..’


3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..’


4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’


5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’


6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’


2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3.. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’


4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’


5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.


6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE..