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A Load Of Old Cobblers

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Allan Report 2 May 2013 22:42

The Cobbler’s Last Stand

“That’s the last!” shouted the Cobbler,

As he threw it at his wife,

“You’ve done nowt but flaming nag me

All us married life!”

His wife looked down at him, and sneeringly replied,

“Tha’s reet. We’ve never seen eye to eye!”

(She really was a Shrew)

“I’m not surprised,” the Cobbler said,

“You’re six foot six, and I’m but five foot two!”

“Aye you’re reet lad, you’re short. Not just in height,

But also in other areas, that matter most at night!”

Well, this frontal attack upon his manhood was more than he could bear,

And seizing her warmly by the throat,

He leapt upon a chair.

She pushed aside this puny assault, as a knife cuts through a peach.

He lunged for the last,

(Well he ‘adn’t far to reach)

He aimed a murderous blow, directly at her head,

But it slipped from his fingers,

And hit his foot instead!

He hopped around the room and ended with a limp!

With no spark of sympathy,

His wife cried out “Wimp!”

“I’ve often seen you limp before, but not in such a state!”

This was said with vitriol,

Wrapped up in total hate.

The Cobbler paled and trembled, as the barb hit home,

His nostrils flared, his eyes blazed red,

His mouth began to foam.

And thus began the legend of

The Cobbler’s last stand!

(to be continued)


LadyScozz Report 2 May 2013 23:01


can hardly wait........


AnnCardiff Report 2 May 2013 23:36

is there a happy ending?


SueMaid Report 2 May 2013 23:38

Probably not by the sounds of it :-D


Allan Report 2 May 2013 23:40

If you're a psychopath, then yes there is a happy ending :-P


Barbra Report 3 May 2013 04:00



JustJohn Report 3 May 2013 10:17

Barbra. On your avatar, that's how I imagine the cobbler's wife looking.

Looking forward to Part 2 of the cord - weener, Alan :-)


Barbra Report 3 May 2013 11:57

That is Gerard Butler .x when is the next instalment Allan . ;-)


lilybids Report 3 May 2013 13:01

I Like [tick] :-D


PollyinBrum Report 3 May 2013 13:58

Waiting :-D :-D :-D


Mersey Report 3 May 2013 21:02

I really hope this is not a sobby ending im in no mood for a blub Allan...... :-D


Barbra Report 4 May 2013 14:44

Think we are going to be waiting a while ladies & gent .?? ;-)


Allan Report 4 May 2013 22:48

lol Barbra.

The next part was ready to post but on re-reading it, I wasn't too happy with it so I am making some minor adjustments.

Watch this space ;-) :-D


Barbra Report 4 May 2013 23:20

You will tell us anything Allan ,I have watched your space enough .got a headache now so going to bed,Night :-D Barbra x


Allan Report 4 May 2013 23:23

Night Barbra, sleep well :-)


Allan Report 5 May 2013 12:41

This story’s told
Through all the Northern Lands:
When during night,
Bairns won’t sleep,
And children fight,
Parents use this tale
To make ‘em all take fright.
(It doesn’t help to make them sleep
But it makes the parents feel better.
At least they can sleep in dry beds,
Whilst kids’ beds get wetter)

The legend started years ago, when Cobbler took a wife,
She were a beauty too,
Mind, she was six foot six,
And ‘im but five foot two.
This could have been a problem,
On their wedding night,
Especially as ‘e was shy.
Still, somehow, all were right
Well, years sped by;
Her beauty faded;
And as for rest, sadly,
Their love life became, well, jaded.
This rankled with his wife, a woman of passions!
She wanted more
Than his short rations.
She started to accuse him of straying from the house
“I’ve seen you going into number twenty two,
You two timing louse!”
“But that’s her what does for us,” he replied
Screeched his wife “I know what she does for you!”,
“You go back for seconds,
And not of Irish stew!”