General Chat

That is so comforting.Thank you.

My dad lives in constant fear of me behaving like him.

Sharron, as a fellow only child, although my experiences were never as intense as yours, I always felt that my best was never as good as expected. I shouldn't say it, but now that they have both gone, I feel a tremendous of freedom.

Thanks Lynda.

It is a known personality disorder and it seems to be on the increase.

I know it when I see it now but,of course,I am not qualified to point fingers.

It was a very negative experience for me and all the other people who have grown up as victims but I think that there is nothing to be gained by wallowing in my own bad luck.

What I really want to do is to make the problem better known outside professional circles and for the community to be able to recognize it and save more children's potential and happiness being wasted by it's effects.

I am also hoping that somebody will say to me that they will come and clean my house while I go out enjoying myself but I can dream can't I?

Sharron, I just feel so sorry that your life has been blighted in these ways by your mother.It sounds like some sort of psychological child abuse, and unfortunately, I'm sure it's pretty common.

Lynda x

I really do hope it has helped others. Have never seen anything before that would have been of any help or even any clue as to what it was all about..

It is just so very wrong that nobody is doing anything to make things easier for the poor children who are still suffering just as we did.

It's not silly Sharron at all, there must still be memories burried in our past thanks to narcissistic mothers etc.

I have gone though fears when either OH or children were late or had not phoned to say of delay(no mobiles then) and it all goes back to lots of Saturdays when Mum would disappear about 11.a.m. not returning home until last train at night and me 12-15 yrs with a 5 yrs younger brother frightened to death she would not come home.

The original thread you set up has been a boon to so many who have learned so much and has helped face our fears and realise it was not our fault. I thank you again for that. Take care. Go for a walk before OH gets hoover out.

I can understand that Liz.

Unfortunately, feeling that way benefits nobody at all. It just makes you feel useless and helpless because you can do nothing to help.

I have developed a philosophy of doing what I can and giving what I can but accepting that that is all I am in a position to do and not looking at the details.After all,you can't do what is beyond your ability and neither can you give them wht you don't have yourself.

Many of the children who are not in accepted war-zones still have to fight every day when they really would rather just get on with life.I know I did,hence the fear of vacuum cleaners. Their war-zones is not even recognized!

My Dad used to do that 'trick' with the hot spoon as well Ann. Not sure why, but luckily he didn't do it that often, can't recall if he did it to my brothers as well. I do remember him getting angry if we got the giggles at the teatable, never remembered that before but it just came to me!

My o.h. is not very compassionate at all, he told me the other day to stop worrying about others and look at my own problems (he hates my hoarding) I am not supposed to care about the Syrians or others who are in such dire straits, he just says leave them all to their own problems, but won't see that many of the people dragged into wars and the effects, would much rather be just living an ordinary life, they aren't all ready to fight, just want to get on with their lives. He's the same with any country or situation. He doesn't realise how things affect me but how can I turn off my feelings?

Lizx

Sharron my OH just said the same as you, & asked me to say thank you to you from her.

How extraordinary to know that there is somebody else with the same problem with vacuum cleaners.

Thank you to everybody who has posted on here. I feel slightly less mad now.

Similarly maybe I HATE with a vengeance rodents who dart around and have tails!!.

its a throw back to living at home in the 1950,s when the whole row of terraced houses had a problem with mice and or rats . we had cats so didnt seem em often . Me and sis were up on the dining table if one appeared in kitchen,

What terrified me was going to bed in a big double bed with sis and hearing em scampering over head between the floorboards. We had a Victorian bedroom fireplace and I was terrified they would come down it and get into the room and on the bed.

Mum reported it to the local council who came down and found the main problem was next door but it was affecting the whole row of houses cos there was a clear run along the terrace .

My OH has to leave the room as soon as I carry the hoover into the room & it's not even plugged in yet. It's not silly at all, I understand why she does it. She is ok if she is the one doing the hoovering but she is not meant to.

and no way are you silly Sharron - perish the thought

well as I'm now alone I have no one to criticise me so I am always right!!! I really have no demons as I had a lovely childhood with a loving Mum and Dad - there is one thing that still affects me and it's a bit stupid really but it shows how brainwashing takes place very clearly

My Dad was a terrible tease all through his life and when I was little and we were sitting at the table for a meal, he used to stir his tea for ages - then he'd tap the spoon on the side of the cup and stick it on the back of my hand!!! He didn't mean it in a nasty way, it was just one his never ending "tricks"

Years later when I was married, say thirty or forty years after, the same scenario occurred at my parents house - we were all sitting at the table and he was stirring his tea - I was not aware of this until he tapped the spoon on the side of the cup and instinctively I removed my hand from the table - well all laughed hysterically, but then he realised how many times he must have done it when I was little and I think he truly regretted it

I get annoyed with hubby with his lack of understanding on things his stock phrase is "it didn't affect me that way " or "I don't see it that way"

I will always try to treat each child equally when buying presents for .xmas/birthdays , mum always did as she didn't want any child to feel they were treated differently from their sibling,

Hubby will say he was always glad to receive any present especially if it was for his current interest,he never compared what he had to his bro and sister.

Well I was one of 7 and there was sibling rivalry especially as we were split byWW 2 evacuation ,

He annoys me when he can't see anyone's else's point of view cos it didn't affect HIM that way

Sharron you are far from being silly - so many people have fears/phobias as a result of something that happened in their childhood.

My mother was like yours - everything was always my fault because I had blonde hair and blue eyes like my father. She had been a Beauty Queen and she said I had taken away her youth by being born.
When I was about 14 she grabbed me and cut all my hair off - had to pretend I was following the Beetles fashion of the day.
Up to now I rarely go to the hair dressers - I have long hair - if anybody goes near me with hairdressing scissors to even suggest trimming my hair, has me quivering like a jelly.

Sharron that is not silly, not at all.
l get annoyed with vic when he says l am wrong or when l get upset if he questions something l say (when l know its right), l like to get the facts right, so l have tell him he's wrong and l can get quite upset....my dad never ever said how well we as kids did, never encouraged us, was never there infact, mum lived on a shoe string whilst he lived the high life....and now l know also how he abused all my family.
My childhood was'nt too bad fortunately, but my sisters went through hell!!
Not the same as you by being constantly abused by your narcissistic mother.
Yes get that next demon nailed well and truly!!

Take care
Edit....l get flashbacks all the time, even of things l did'nt see, if that makes sense??
jude x

Not silly at all Sharron.
OH & I often have rows about the way he behaves when he´s not pleased about something & it isn´t until afterwards I realise it´s not his fault. It´s my subconscious memory of my childhood & being constantly afraid of my mother´s anger.

Thank you for that wisechild. I don't feel quite as mad and alone now.

He is hoovering and I am crying at the moment.How silly is that?

I get incredibly stressed when OH clicks his tongue & sighs.
When my mother used to do it, I knew trouble was on the way.
Also when he´s in a "moody" & starts banging around. Another bad sign.