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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

DIZZI

DIZZI Report 8 May 2013 08:17

HOW CAN YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD BUT AT TIMES DISLIKE THEM SO MUCH SHE MAKES YOU CRY,
MY DAUGHTER HAS REFUSED TO EVER TAKE ME OUT IN MY WHEELCHAIR,HER MAIN EXCUSE IT WONT FIT IN HER PEOPLE CARRIER (IT WILL),SHE KNOWS I CANT WALK,SHE IS EMBARRASED IM SURE,AND SHE HAS REALLY UPSET ME,

KittytheLearnerCook

KittytheLearnerCook Report 8 May 2013 08:30

Maybe she finds it hard to cope with your health problems Dizzi.

Some cope but others don't.

I am sure she loves you, but you have to respect her wishes or risk pushing her away.

One of our daughters couldn't cope with my husband illness a few years ago, she still loves him, but can't handle illness or disability.................it's just how it is sometimes.

xx

Lyndi

Lyndi Report 8 May 2013 08:37

Sometimes the health problems are just too close for comfort - it is easier to cope when love doesn't get in the way, if that makes sense.

Kitty has worded it much better than I can :-)

I feel for you Dizzi xx

DIZZI

DIZZI Report 8 May 2013 08:44

I MAY BE LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE,WHAT CHANCE DO I HAVE EVEN BIRTHDAYS IM NOT INCLUDED OR INVITED ROUND IM LEFT ON MY OWN

SORRY IM DOING A POOR ME

Sharron

Sharron Report 8 May 2013 08:47

Give her chance to get used to having a mother in a wheelchair.

When Fred had his stroke we had the six months he was in hospital to get used to the new shape of the family.

DIZZI

DIZZI Report 8 May 2013 08:49

SHARRON ITS BEEN 5 MONTHS

♥†۩ Carol   Paine ۩†♥

♥†۩ Carol Paine ۩†♥ Report 8 May 2013 09:03

Your daughter has not changed because of the wheelchair, you know how difficult it is getting you into & out of a car, she has always been short on patience.
Come on Dizzi look on the positive sides.

You are still with us
You can still come down here
Your wheelchair fits in the back of my fiesta
I just wait till you are ready to put that first foot forward

You are impatient, that is where your daughter gets it. Just focus on getting your strength back.

Wend

Wend Report 8 May 2013 09:12

Take Carol's advice Dizz - she's one who knows you better than most of us.

Chin up gal :-D

Sharron

Sharron Report 8 May 2013 09:40

She had much longer than five months to get used to having a mother who was not in a wheelchair.

She is still in denial,waiting for it to pass.

She will come to terms and then you have to make her think it was all her idea to take you out in the wheelchair.

I have suggested to Fred that he could go further afield on the bus.Now I am waiting for him to think of the idea..

Kay????

Kay???? Report 8 May 2013 09:50


It maybe a case of cruel to be kind and the less is done the more you can try and do for yourself.?

Can your PD soc or age concern provide a local *buddy* is there a local meeting place of local aided sufferers that you can join,they organise lots of things.

Come on Dizzy, No Poor Me .com,,,,,get some get up and go,you've not let it beat you up till now,so give it you're best shot that you're PD has to live with you on some of your terms.

Dont get so frustrated,concentrate on things you can achive and not what you find too difficult.


Any local swimming pool that has aided peope days,it could help build muscles ?.



DazedConfused

DazedConfused Report 8 May 2013 09:51

Many years ago I was chatting with a sis-in-law and she said

You Love your family, but you do not always like them

and that is so true......


I wish my mum would have got a wheelchair earlier than she did, then I could have taken her out. For her she was more like your daughter ......

Wend

Wend Report 8 May 2013 10:00

I don't think Dizzi plans to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. It's a temporary aid whilst she continues to recover from her very serious illness a few months ago.

PricklyHolly

PricklyHolly Report 8 May 2013 10:30

I would offer to come and take you out Dizzi but i'm not very good with wheelchairs.

Going back a few years i was invited to my cousins son's Christening.

The church was at the bottom of the hill from where they lived and we all walked down the hill to the church.

My Uncle had MS and also a broken toe and was in a wheelchair.

When we came out of the church and everyone was gathered around chatting and taking photos i decided i needed the loo. I mentioned this to my Uncle and he said funnily enough so do i.

So.......off we set up the hill and by the time we made it half way up, with me grunting and groaning, puffing and panting and moaning (Uncle was a well built man!) i said it's no good, with all this strain on me bladder i am gonna have to leave you here!

Don't you dare he said, i will wet myself if you leave me here...........yea say's i, and i will wet myself if i dont!! If i had known you weighed a ton i wouldn't have bought you with me in the first place.

We must have looked such a site because we were laughing our heads off and he was shouting..........shurrrupppp making me laugh and mind my toe, mind my toe! (Which was wrapped in a hoomungus white bandage and poking out from the wheelchair) and i'm shouting.......your toe is the last thing i'm worried about!

Well, we managed to make it to the top of the hill to the house...........BUT.............as i swung the wheelchair round i stubbed his broken toe on the garden gate!!

He was crying with pain and i was crying with laughter.

Ooops, we didn't need the loo after all.

I nick named him "Buddah" from that day on.


:-D :-D

Sharron

Sharron Report 8 May 2013 10:32

Since adopting my odd approach to caring I have noticed that some take theirs to extremes.

There is the approach that anybody who is a little inconvenienced needs to be treated with the utmost care and protection.

While I let,and indeed encourage,Fred to take risks and get on out there, there are those who are terrified of causing any kind of stress or excitement.They are afraid of hurting those they care for.

Your daughter is avoiding what she doesn't understand and is probably seeing all sorts of worst cases every time she thinks about you. The wheel could come off the chair while you are out and then what would she do? You might fall and break a leg getting into the car.The excitement of a famiy gathering could give you apoplexy.

Give her time to work it through.

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 8 May 2013 10:54

In answer to your opening post Dizzy, Quite easily :-0 :-0. I love my youngest daughter dearly but sometimes she can be really thoughtless and selfish.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 8 May 2013 11:27

It could be fear Dizzi, hers not yours, not embarrassment but fear that if she 'accepts' you are in a wheelchair, then YOU too will accept it, then there will never be a day when you walk.

I don't want to put words in her mouth but it can be like losing your mum before she's 'gone' as it were, we always tend think of our mums as MUM the one who sorts things, the one who does it all, copes with everything, the strong one that holds it all together. To see them dis-abled is tough, for a son or daughter , it means in effect you have to accept you are 'grown up' lol

I know with my mum she was always the one ahead in walking, she danced, she explored, she was 'a leader', quite 'sparky'...I suspect you have been the same? Your daughter is probably trying to come to terms with the change in you, not seeing (YET) the mum she's always known. And there may be another thought at the back of her mind 'I'm not looking, I won't 'see' the results of PD because it scares the bejasus out of me that one day it could be me.'

On the other hand I think you've changed meds lately? if so it may be that you are lower in mood than 'usual' and feeling everything a bit more?

I think there's good advice above, try not to concentrate too much on what you can't do that you used to ( easy for me to say I know) and do what you can do that makes you happy.


(((((hugs)))))

PS leaving aside the difficulties of going in a car, would your daughter just wheel you locally? to get used to it? it may be that if she did it she would find it quite fun :-) we all like pushing things at speed ;-)

LilyL

LilyL Report 8 May 2013 11:55

I worked for a Care Company for many years, and one of my jobs was to take a lady who was wheelchair bound out in my car for leisure, shopping etc, and managing a wheel chair is quite an art! What I'm trying to say is that perhaps your daughter is frightened of hurting you getting you in and out of the car, and also wheeling a chair can be a bit daunting if you are not used to it - we were put through a lot of training both for that and other things of course, before we were allowed to take anyone out solo so to speak. Could you not ask your daughter if this is the problem - she might feel that she can't say as it may look like and excuse. If this is the problem, maybe a chat with your local surgery could point her in the right direction to get some help in this respect. Hope this has been helpful, as it is awful to be grounded without assistance.

TheBlackKnight

TheBlackKnight Report 8 May 2013 11:59

Seems to me Dizzi you are good enough if she needs you to help her so remind her of that.

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 8 May 2013 12:18

I second what BK says a gentle reminder sometimes works wonders ;-)

Wend

Wend Report 8 May 2013 13:24

A agree with BK and LaG, from what you've told me in the past Dizzi.