General Chat

Oh dear. I think that the only thing you can do Dizzy, is to gently point out to your daughter that one day (hopefully not) it could well be her on the receiving end of the same attitude, and how she might feel about this, bearing in mind the saying that 'anything that can happen to anyone else can happen to you', It could be food for thought!

Phone a friend and ring a wheelchair accessible taxi.

Gwen, sorry you are feeling down. I can understand your disappointment at your daughter's attitude, seems she has forgotten all the times you helped her out but maybe she will come round as the car gets older and it won't matter if it gets ruined - silly excuse but some people worship their vehicles, the chap next door to us is the same. His car is his god.

Just keep looking after yourself as best you can to build up your strength and capabilities and perhaps she will realise you deserve a bit of help and consideration. I would come and take you out if I was nearer, but I am sure others will help you as time goes on and you get stronger. You have done so well this far, don't let things push you back now.

Lizxxx

well i think she needs a kick up the bum.does she want to sit at home without ever being able to go out . it,s only a car and is replaceable you are not. :-)

ASKED DAUGHTER WHY


IT SEEMS THE WHEELCHAIR WILL RUIN HER CAR,
HER PEOPLE CARRIER IS TOO SMALL
HER BOOT IS TOO SMALL
:-P :-P :-P :-P :-P

A agree with BK and LaG, from what you've told me in the past Dizzi.

I second what BK says a gentle reminder sometimes works wonders ;-)

Seems to me Dizzi you are good enough if she needs you to help her so remind her of that.

I worked for a Care Company for many years, and one of my jobs was to take a lady who was wheelchair bound out in my car for leisure, shopping etc, and managing a wheel chair is quite an art! What I'm trying to say is that perhaps your daughter is frightened of hurting you getting you in and out of the car, and also wheeling a chair can be a bit daunting if you are not used to it - we were put through a lot of training both for that and other things of course, before we were allowed to take anyone out solo so to speak. Could you not ask your daughter if this is the problem - she might feel that she can't say as it may look like and excuse. If this is the problem, maybe a chat with your local surgery could point her in the right direction to get some help in this respect. Hope this has been helpful, as it is awful to be grounded without assistance.

It could be fear Dizzi, hers not yours, not embarrassment but fear that if she 'accepts' you are in a wheelchair, then YOU too will accept it, then there will never be a day when you walk.

I don't want to put words in her mouth but it can be like losing your mum before she's 'gone' as it were, we always tend think of our mums as MUM the one who sorts things, the one who does it all, copes with everything, the strong one that holds it all together. To see them dis-abled is tough, for a son or daughter , it means in effect you have to accept you are 'grown up' lol

I know with my mum she was always the one ahead in walking, she danced, she explored, she was 'a leader', quite 'sparky'...I suspect you have been the same? Your daughter is probably trying to come to terms with the change in you, not seeing (YET) the mum she's always known. And there may be another thought at the back of her mind 'I'm not looking, I won't 'see' the results of PD because it scares the bejasus out of me that one day it could be me.'

On the other hand I think you've changed meds lately? if so it may be that you are lower in mood than 'usual' and feeling everything a bit more?

I think there's good advice above, try not to concentrate too much on what you can't do that you used to ( easy for me to say I know) and do what you can do that makes you happy.


(((((hugs)))))

PS leaving aside the difficulties of going in a car, would your daughter just wheel you locally? to get used to it? it may be that if she did it she would find it quite fun :-) we all like pushing things at speed ;-)

In answer to your opening post Dizzy, Quite easily :-0 :-0. I love my youngest daughter dearly but sometimes she can be really thoughtless and selfish.

Since adopting my odd approach to caring I have noticed that some take theirs to extremes.

There is the approach that anybody who is a little inconvenienced needs to be treated with the utmost care and protection.

While I let,and indeed encourage,Fred to take risks and get on out there, there are those who are terrified of causing any kind of stress or excitement.They are afraid of hurting those they care for.

Your daughter is avoiding what she doesn't understand and is probably seeing all sorts of worst cases every time she thinks about you. The wheel could come off the chair while you are out and then what would she do? You might fall and break a leg getting into the car.The excitement of a famiy gathering could give you apoplexy.

Give her time to work it through.

I would offer to come and take you out Dizzi but i'm not very good with wheelchairs.

Going back a few years i was invited to my cousins son's Christening.

The church was at the bottom of the hill from where they lived and we all walked down the hill to the church.

My Uncle had MS and also a broken toe and was in a wheelchair.

When we came out of the church and everyone was gathered around chatting and taking photos i decided i needed the loo. I mentioned this to my Uncle and he said funnily enough so do i.

So.......off we set up the hill and by the time we made it half way up, with me grunting and groaning, puffing and panting and moaning (Uncle was a well built man!) i said it's no good, with all this strain on me bladder i am gonna have to leave you here!

Don't you dare he said, i will wet myself if you leave me here...........yea say's i, and i will wet myself if i dont!! If i had known you weighed a ton i wouldn't have bought you with me in the first place.

We must have looked such a site because we were laughing our heads off and he was shouting..........shurrrupppp making me laugh and mind my toe, mind my toe! (Which was wrapped in a hoomungus white bandage and poking out from the wheelchair) and i'm shouting.......your toe is the last thing i'm worried about!

Well, we managed to make it to the top of the hill to the house...........BUT.............as i swung the wheelchair round i stubbed his broken toe on the garden gate!!

He was crying with pain and i was crying with laughter.

Ooops, we didn't need the loo after all.

I nick named him "Buddah" from that day on.


:-D :-D

I don't think Dizzi plans to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. It's a temporary aid whilst she continues to recover from her very serious illness a few months ago.

Many years ago I was chatting with a sis-in-law and she said

You Love your family, but you do not always like them

and that is so true......


I wish my mum would have got a wheelchair earlier than she did, then I could have taken her out. For her she was more like your daughter ......

It maybe a case of cruel to be kind and the less is done the more you can try and do for yourself.?

Can your PD soc or age concern provide a local *buddy* is there a local meeting place of local aided sufferers that you can join,they organise lots of things.

Come on Dizzy, No Poor Me .com,,,,,get some get up and go,you've not let it beat you up till now,so give it you're best shot that you're PD has to live with you on some of your terms.

Dont get so frustrated,concentrate on things you can achive and not what you find too difficult.


Any local swimming pool that has aided peope days,it could help build muscles ?.

She had much longer than five months to get used to having a mother who was not in a wheelchair.

She is still in denial,waiting for it to pass.

She will come to terms and then you have to make her think it was all her idea to take you out in the wheelchair.

I have suggested to Fred that he could go further afield on the bus.Now I am waiting for him to think of the idea..

Take Carol's advice Dizz - she's one who knows you better than most of us.

Chin up gal :-D

Your daughter has not changed because of the wheelchair, you know how difficult it is getting you into & out of a car, she has always been short on patience.
Come on Dizzi look on the positive sides.

You are still with us
You can still come down here
Your wheelchair fits in the back of my fiesta
I just wait till you are ready to put that first foot forward

You are impatient, that is where your daughter gets it. Just focus on getting your strength back.

SHARRON ITS BEEN 5 MONTHS