General Chat

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Ed Miliband was visiting an agricultural show and had his photograph taken with some prize pigs. He told the reporter the didn't want any smart-arse, cheapskate remarks under the picture. The reporter promised to be right to the point.

The next day Ed opens the paper and sees his picture. Underneath it the words "Ed Miliband (3rd from the left) vists Royal Show!" :-D

PMSL

Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay,

pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time,
Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
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Once upon a slime, a girl ghoul fell in love with a mummy. Alas, the
girl ghoul did not know much about the proper care of mummies, and in
a couple of weeks the mummy began to unravel and disintegrated. Which
just goes to prove that a ghoul and her mummy are soon parted.

Then the ghoul fell in love with a little devil, who turned out to be
a loving and generous sweetheart. The little devil showered the girl
ghoul with bright flowers, high-fashion clothes, and expensive
jewelry. Which just goes to prove that demons are a ghoul's best fiend.

IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS!

China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos.

There are so many Wing's and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always wingin Wong numbers.

I felt you needed to know this :-D

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE :-D :-D