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The British Newspaper Archive

British Newspaper Archive

Read about historical events at the time they were happening. Perhaps you'll discover your ancestor in their local newspaper?

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


AnnCardiff Report 20 Jul 2013 22:11

> A man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind
> him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
> "What was that for?" he asks.
> "That was for the piece of paper in your pocket with the name 'Mary
> Ellen' written on it," she replies.
> "Don't be silly," he says, "Two weeks ago when I went to the races.
> Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
> His wife seemed satisfied at this and apologized.
> Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails
> him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
> When he comes around he asks, "What was that for?"
> "Your horse phoned!"


LollyWithSprinklez Report 20 Jul 2013 22:12

:-D :-D :-D


MR_MAGOO Report 20 Jul 2013 22:13

:-D :-D :-D

I think your safe with that one AnnC.


AnnCardiff Report 20 Jul 2013 22:14

I think so too :-D


maggiewinchester Report 20 Jul 2013 22:19

:-D :-D

Safe - unless someone is against betting (even in jokes)


Bobtanian Report 21 Jul 2013 00:01

As its open golf this week................

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some terrible language this week and feel terrible about it"...
"When did you use this terrible language?" asks the mother superior...
"Well I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight to the ground after going only about 100 yards"...
" Is that when you swore?"...

"No mother" said the Nun " After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away"...
"Is THAT when you swore?" the mother superior asked again...
"Well no" said the nun " You see as the squirrel was running an eagle came down out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away"...
"IS THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed mother superior...
"No not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball"
"Did you swear THEN?" asks the mother superior becoming impatient...
"No because the ball fell on a big rock...bounced over the sand trap...rolled on to the green and stopped six inches from the hole"...

The two nuns were silent for a minute...

Then the mother superior sighed and said " YOU MISSED THE 'KING PUTT...DIDN'T YOU?"


Bobtanian Report 21 Jul 2013 00:03



maggiewinchester Report 21 Jul 2013 00:35



OneFootInTheGrave Report 21 Jul 2013 07:56

:-D :-D :-D