General Chat

Top tip - using the Genes Reunited community

Welcome to the Genes Reunited community boards!

  • The Genes Reunited community is made up of millions of people with similar interests. Discover your family history and make life long friends along the way.
  • You will find a close knit but welcoming group of keen genealogists all prepared to offer advice and help to new members.
  • And it's not all serious business. The boards are often a place to relax and be entertained by all kinds of subjects.
  • The Genes community will go out of their way to help you, so don’t be shy about asking for help.

Quick Search

Single word search

Genes Extras

Genes Reunited subscription bonuses

As a way of saying thank you to our subscribers, we have launched Genes Extras. You'll find exclusive competitions and discounts on family history magazines, days out and much more.

Take me to Genes Extras

Icons

  • New posts
  • No new posts
  • Thread closed
  • Stickied, new posts
  • Stickied, no new posts

Oh! Dear You've Got To Laugh

Page 1 + 1 of 3

  1. «
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. »
ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 2 Aug 2013 08:36

1. Do we have a 4th of July in the UK? ..........yes

2. How many birthdays does the average man have? depends how old he is, one a year?

3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? durr dey all have

4. A woman gives a beggar 1 dollar and 32 cents; the woman is the beggar's
sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come? both are women...?

5. Why can't a man living in the U.S. be buried in Canada? dont bury living people usually........

6. How many outs are there in an inning? is it cricket? or baseball?

7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why? difficult.....he's dead!

8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of
games. There are no ties. Explain this. they are each playing another person, not each other......

9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by. What colour is the bear? Why? white ......its a polar bear at the north pole.....

11. If there are 3 apples and you take away two, how many do you have? 3?

12. I have two U.S. coins totalling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first? the match?

14. How far can a dog run into the woods? only till halfway, then he is running out again........

15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?

16. A farmer has 17 sheep; all but 9 die. How many are left? 17 still got the living and the corpses........

17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? one of each

18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10'' tall. What does he weigh? whatever the shop is selling

19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? 12?

20. What was the president's name in 1950? same as it was, when he was born....

21. There once was a lady who really liked pink. In her cozy, little one-story house, everything was pink. Even her dog was pink. Her hair, her carpet, everything. What color are her stairs? stairs in a bungalow? its a ladder, into the loft........?

22. There was an evergreen tree in the dark, ugly forest where ghosts, witches, and even Frankensteins lived. All of the sudden, a great gust of wind flew through the forest. Which way did the leaves on the tree fall? evergreens dont shed leaves bu could an evergreen survive in a dark forest??

Dermot

Dermot Report 2 Aug 2013 07:22

I notice that 'common sense' was mentioned on this thread. See if you can answer these challenging common sense questions. (C'P from the Net).

1. Do we have a 4th of July in the UK?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

4. A woman gives a beggar 1 dollar and 32 cents; the woman is the beggar's
sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?

5. Why can't a man living in the U.S. be buried in Canada?

6. How many outs are there in an inning?

7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?

8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of
games. There are no ties. Explain this.

9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by. What colour is the bear? Why?

11. If there are 3 apples and you take away two, how many do you have?

12. I have two U.S. coins totalling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?

14. How far can a dog run into the woods?

15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?

16. A farmer has 17 sheep; all but 9 die. How many are left?

17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10'' tall. What does he weigh?

19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?

20. What was the president's name in 1950?

21. There once was a lady who really liked pink. In her cozy, little one-story house, everything was pink. Even her dog was pink. Her hair, her carpet, everything. What color are her stairs?

22. There was an evergreen tree in the dark, ugly forest where ghosts, witches, and even Frankensteins lived. All of the sudden, a great gust of wind flew through the forest. Which way did the leaves on the tree fall?

Nolls from Harrogate

Nolls from Harrogate Report 2 Aug 2013 06:37

Scozz the daughter offered to go outside and they did ask for an assistant to help pack the bags but manager/assistant would have none of it, as I say things are getting a bit out of hand nowadays, we are going to Morriso** today must remember to take passport after all I'm only 70 :-(

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 Aug 2013 01:00

Wend is older than I am.

LadyScozz

LadyScozz Report 2 Aug 2013 00:59

How ridiculous.

The woman should have sent her daughter out of the shop, then asked for assistance........... a business that won't help a customer with an arm in plaster wouldn't get my business!!

:-|

Wend

Wend Report 2 Aug 2013 00:09

I shall look forward to that ERRol - tippety tapping off to bedibyes now :-D

MR_MAGOO

MR_MAGOO Report 1 Aug 2013 23:46

it's either her tap dancing or her castanets........ :-D :-D

eRRolSheep

eRRolSheep Report 1 Aug 2013 23:44

I'll teach you some moves tomorrow

Wend

Wend Report 1 Aug 2013 23:39

Trying to ERRol

eRRolSheep

eRRolSheep Report 1 Aug 2013 23:36

Wend are you tap dancing?

MR_MAGOO

MR_MAGOO Report 1 Aug 2013 23:36

Is that your bones ?............ :-D

MR_MAGOO

MR_MAGOO Report 1 Aug 2013 23:34

How old are you Wend ?

The shop asst was doing as she was trained.....the manager could have changed that decision.

Wend

Wend Report 1 Aug 2013 23:34

No, Errol, but it's coming up soon - clickety click :-( :-( :-(

eRRolSheep

eRRolSheep Report 1 Aug 2013 23:31

Wend is it your birthday?

As far as the shop is concerned, they are acting appropriately if they have reason to believe that the shopper may be purchasing alcohol for somebody who is under age.
We quite possibly do not know the full story and something may have been said that meant that the shop assistant believed the alcohol to be intended for a minor.
The shop assistant would face a hefty fine if that was the case so surely it is far better that they protect their own back, their own job and their own pocket rather than take a risk.

Wend

Wend Report 1 Aug 2013 23:29

I'm as old as the man I feel (well, a little bit younger), like you Island probably ;-)

SueMaid - :-P ;-)

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 1 Aug 2013 23:20

Well they wouldn't would they Wend ;-) :-D.......sorry :-(

Island

Island Report 1 Aug 2013 23:20

How old are you Wend? :-)

Wend

Wend Report 1 Aug 2013 23:09

No-one ever asks how old I am :-(

Kuros

Kuros Report 1 Aug 2013 23:04

A bit further up the valleys here we also say someone is "on the tamp" when they are tamping. Poor man's been on the tamp for a good while by the sound of it and all because the shop assistants were a bit twp.

Annie

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 1 Aug 2013 22:38

A chap I know locally is still reeling from an incident last year when Morrisons in Porth (Rhondda) refused to serve him with a bottle of vodka for his sister's birthday present.

He had caught the bus down to Morrisons (over 2 miles away) and had the cash, but cashier and supervisor both wanted something that proved his age. He was 52 at the time. Looks and desports himself like Louis Walsh, so does look quite young for his age admittedly.

He was tamping - a good local expression. And Morrisons did apologise and give him a voucher. But he is still tamping (stamping feet up and down) 12 months later.